I love you.
But. This shit has gotta stop.
I’m not a baby anymore. I’m two now. That makes me nearly a grown up. And you nearly dead.
And you need to find a way to deal with that. Before you’re too old to fetch my yoghurt and shit.
The thing is… I can do stuff for myself now. I don’t really need you (except for yoghurt related activity but we’ll touch on that another time…)
Stop holding my hand on the way into nursery – YOU’RE ONLY EMBARASSING YOURSELF. Also – pavements are for the weak. I need to express myself in the middle of the road… Everyone knows that’s where the best puddles are. (Everyone who’s not nearly dead anyway…) And how many times do I have to tell you I can put my shoes on myself? Albeit only onto my left hand, but THAT’S THE WAY I LIKE IT. OK.
NAPPIES. ARE. FOR. BABIES. I shan’t be needing mine anymore thank you. And while we’re at it; someone has pissed on the floor and taken a shit on the sofa. Best clean it up before one of the cats eats it.
Crayons DO NOT allow me to fully release my creative potential… I’ve moved on. I’m all about felt tips now. And I mean the proper non-washable ones lady. Jeeeeeez. And I can administer my own Calpol now. So cut the fricking umbilicabickable cord will you.
We’ve spoken about this on multiple previous occasions, and I’ve provided you with a comprehensive list of my preferred dietary needs (Pizza, Yoghurt and Pizza-Yoghurt.) YET… you still insist on smothering all manner of things in cheese thinking this will somehow ‘fool me’ into eating it… I’m not a twat mother. I can smell the secret peas in my lasagne from the living room you treasonous skank.
On a side note – Seriously, it’s February tomorrow and the paddling pool is still in the garden. I think you have issues of the head.
I’m writing to let you know it’s time I moved on. Made my own way. Found myself…
I’ve decided to take my chances in a one-toddler-jazz-xylophone-band and travel the lands performing at soft play venues…
Don’t try to follow me. I’ll have you stabbed.
P.s. I have the shoes. And the felt tips. And a calpol syringe.
You've got to love the independent stage…..and then 10 years later they know everything, but are capable of nothing! 😀Reply
Ha 😉 well at least there's that to look forward to then… *sobs* lol xxReply
This is hilarious! We have the same issues & tricks (the cheese camouflage that doesn't work any more)! Regards, a fellow toddler-mum 🙂Reply
You have my deepest condolences and gin-pathy (gin and empathy together) lol xxReply
Ha – F can sniff out peas a mile off too. I've heard them around the dinner table at pre-school chanting 'WE HATE PEAS!'. Its a conspiracy theory.Reply
Yeah. The pre-schooler rumour mill is NO JOKE… 😉 ha! XxReply
Oh yeah doing everything for themselves! I know this well. My wee man is extra stubborn as well I'm sure. I have learnt quickly to choose my battles well…there are just some you will NEVER win!Reply
…which is why they invented gin no doubt 😉Reply
Oh, this is just brilliant. I can't stop laughing!Reply
*sniggers* thank you xxxReply
Get a move on with the book, lovely. I can' wait!!!
Ha! Cheers hunny :)) I really do need to pull my finger out! Lol xxReply
Ha ha ha I'm loving the dietary preferences of wally bubba – reckon my 3 reprobates would happily join her for that kind of nosh 🙂Reply
Oh yes, go off breif and you'll likely lose an eye!Reply
Treasonous skank are my favourite 2 words of the day.Reply
Amy @2boys1mum xxx
Pahahaha x oh me too… Lol xxReply
Very, very funny. Huge amounts of LOL's. They're not daft are they? :o).Reply
No. They are smarter than they look… #dammit lol xxReply
Oh my goodness that has me crying with laughter, and fear as I can see a lot of this in G already, fast approaching two. Fabulous post though #PoCoLo xReply
hehehe x thank you :))) xReply
Cheers 😉 xxxxReply
oh you make owning a toddler sound soooooo appealing haha!Reply
Ha 😉 it's only fair to warn others… Lol xxReply
Hahaha this is so our house. Complete with shouts of "No!! My do it my do it!" Then half an hour later, "will you help me mummy?"Reply
hahahaha x oh yes, the shameful asks for help after hours of protest… *rolls eyes* lol xxReply
Sitting giggling whilst trying to hide the kindle from "the son"Reply
teehee :))) x thank you for reading xxxReply
Haha this made me laugh – they're hilarious with the new found independence and "no Mummy I do it". POD has just learnt to put her own coat on at pre-school. She lies it on the floor, puts her arms in and flips it over her head! Genius 🙂Reply
Reckon I'm gonna start putting my coat on that way too… Sounds way more fun! Lol xxReply
LMAO and was I the only one that read that to the music from Stan?Reply
Pahahaha 😉 may have to add that as a theme song… lol xxReply
It's all funny, but the bit that cracked me up most was the bit about the paddling pool. We don't have that at all. But only because the wind blew it next door 😉Reply
Pahahaha *checks through window to see if paddling pool is still actually in situ…* lol :))) x #funeeReply
Absolutely brilliant! I wonder how many other kids would want to write something like this to their Mums?! Thanks for linking to PoCoLo xReply
heehee xx thank you xxReply
Lucas says – I read this last week #pocolo and I've just shown Grace and we've both had a giggle together. Wallybubba is sooooo cool and she is certainly one of our favourite people #funeeReply
Heehee x WallyBubba returns the compliment! Lol xxxReply
Just discovered you and I think I love you 😀 Totally with you on the paddling pool front, ours has been out there, unwashed, untouched, unloved, for two years. I feel a bit sorry for it (but not enough to actually clean it) and I think that’s why I can’t throw it away. Nevermind, Lidl are selling them next week so I’ll just buy another one 😉 xReply
heehee xx thanks lovely xxReply