Babes and the seaside…
Just don’t bastard-well mix.
It’s death in every direction,
it must be some kind of fix.
It starts off when they’re tiny,
And they won’t stop eating sand.
By the time they are crawling,
It’s getting out of hand…
If there’s anything sharp they’ll find it,
And shove it up their nose,
They’re certainly closer to nature;
There’s wildlife in their clothes.
You’ll need a week’s preparation,
To deal with all the ‘stuff’.
The toys, the towels, the food, the equipment,
And you still never have enough…
By the time they’re toddling,
They’re experts at seaside ‘hide’n’seek’.
Don’t look away for a second,
They run when they sense you are weak.
Days when it’s really windy,
Are the days they don’t want to wear clothes.
But the second they’re strip, and run for a dip,
They’re cold and HATE sand between their toes.
Are the days they don’t want to wear clothes.
But the second they’re strip, and run for a dip,
They’re cold and HATE sand between their toes.
Don’t get me started on suncream,
Or that Daddy brought the wrong colour spade.
“The reason there’s sand in your F-ing sandwich,
Is because you buried it saying it ‘needed shade’.”
So don’t bother with babies at the seaside,
It’s a never-ending battle you won’t win.
Instead stay at home in the garden,
Where you can sit, without judgement, drinking gin.
#gin
I hate the beach with babies. Now without babies and dishy lifeguards and cocktails on loop, now you're talking. 🙂 xx
ReplyOoh yes – I could do the latter no probs :))
Replyhahahah loving it! I shoud add it at the end of my latest post! Perfect! Thanks for the laugh xx
Replyhaha x you are very welcome! xx
ReplyOh the delights! Even now my kids kick up a fuss at sand stuck to themselves!!
ReplyI can see I've set myself up for failure for the rest of life… Why did I move to the seaside! Lol x
ReplyI've never been a fan of the beach and I'm still not! Don't get me started on sand…..I HATE SAND!
ReplyOh god me too… sent to make my life harder! x
ReplyI HATE SAND! SAND UP MY CRACK! Oh god and sand in big gross nappies. Vom. All true as per. Bleurgh. Pebbled beaches. Now they are ok. Bar the lard suntan lotion xxx
ReplySuch a lovely mental image… I shall think of you from now! lol xx
ReplyNever a truer word was lyricised! Scary, sandy, no bar – what's not to hate? And don't you buy a new set of beach toys every single time? And dump them even though they cost 100 euros? X
ReplyYes – is there some kind of invisible goblin that steals the bucket and spade I buy every few weeks… FFS! 😉
ReplyThe beach with two toddlers is proving to be pretty fun, so long as you really love the taste of sand that is!
ReplyWow – once I have two I'm staying at home. Forever. 🙂
ReplyWhat you arent thinking of 3?
Reply*passes out *
ReplyBrings back happy memories of sand in every orifice. Nice one! 😀 x
ReplyOh those were the days… 🙂
Reply10/10 for this one – made me chuckle put loud on the tube!
ReplyHeehee x glad I was more entertaining than some sweaty commuter armpits 🙂 x *does bow* :)))
ReplyBrilliant! Or you could come to Brighton where there's only pebbles, perfect for sticking in mouths tho 🙁
ReplyWe have those too… worst of both worlds! lol xx
ReplyNice 🙂 I'm afraid it doesn't get much better. GG is 9 and won't stay in a wet swimsuit. So she changes into a dry one. Then she's too hot and needs to swim. And so it continues – she has more swimsuits than I've had in a lifetime!
Replyha! That's hilarious! 😉 xx
ReplyLOL! :o)
Replyheehee xx
ReplyToo true! In LP's nearly three years on the planet we have been to the beach…. Once.
ReplyIf I only I didn't live next to the bastard thing… lol x
ReplyGin is most definitely required on a beach holiday!!
ReplyYes. Total requirement 🙂 x
ReplyBrilliant poem, flipping hate sand! We're lucky we don't live near a beach as it goes everywhere. POD somehow managed to empty a boot of the stuff into a friend's handbag recently. Poor love was so pregnant she couldn't even get to it!
Huge congrats on being a finalist in the BiB's lovely, good excuse to drink more gin 🙂
Replyha! Thank you misses x and you too! Fingers crossed for both of us for the final! xx
ReplyHa ha ha ha ha! Love it! We took our boys to the seaside this year for the first time last week and it was not the hell it was of last year. People always say they want their kids to stay babies, but I have never been so happy that my boys grew up!
Replylol – I have a feeling I will feel much the same 😉 heehee xxx
ReplyI love walking on the beach, but I blooming hate sand getting into everything! I actually prefer it in the winter! Fab poem, all so true, why do we ever take babies/toddlers to the beach ?!
ReplySand has been sent to test us… fact 🙂 lol xx
ReplyI hate the beach too!!! Especially when the feckin toddler runs for miles out to the sea and then demands that you carry him all the way back to the damn pram that was left because you couldn’t drag it over the sand.
ReplyIt’s bad.
Really bad.
And no one likes sand in their crack….or in their sandwiches.
#sandycrack i love that.
Reply