Child Drinking Laws

These are the rules about drinking alcohol with babies around. Let’s just say the research for this post was lengthy and thorough, and done by a ‘friend’ just in case I’m arrested the moment this one goes public…

1. Don’t rest your gin under the baby’s arm to keep it upright. People will look at you funny. Plus it might get warm.
2. Don’t use the bumbo as an ice bucket. It’s clearly far more effective as a ‘fishbowl’.
3. Don’t spike guests’ drinks with your breast milk and laugh hilariously. For some reason they don’t like it.
4. Any drinking game which involves your baby is border-line child abuse… So make sure you delete any evidence that could make it onto Facebook.
5. If someone has already passed out, don’t leave your baby with them.
6. Baby monitors don’t work if you put the baby to bed anywhere other than their cot…
7. Do no attempt to operate buggies, travel cots or any other item of baby equipment whilst under the influence of alcohol or hungover. They will completely fail to function or operate normally most likely due to some kind of safety feature and then somehow end up very broken with you crying/bleeding a bit… yeah…
8. Despite how hard you wish for it, an infant cannot just ‘get their shit together already and put themselves to bed‘.
9. No shots – parents deserve everything in a pint glass. Or vase. (Or bumbo)
10. Family breakfast of pringles and alkaseltzer is not recommended. But highly likely.
11. The magic hangover removing fairy does not appear no matter how much you cry.
12. In my ‘friend’s’ experience it’s best to pick a side – drunk or sober – and stay there, as coming back from the brink of either is just way too much to deal with…

 

#supportforgin
#justhadacallfromchildline…