Ever since I’ve had a baby I have been deeply paranoid about becoming a ‘baby-bore’…
Even as a mum I know there is nothing worse than being stuck talking to another parent who can talk about nothing except little Timmy’s nappy rash and what blueberries do to his poo…
But recently I have found myself teetering in the edge of baby-boredom because it’s officially been a year since I last worked and I think I’m beginning to lose my already tentative grip on reality…
I’ve become completely obsessed with buggies. I know every make, model, colour and accessory range known to man. I am a human pushchair encyclopaedia.
I spend hours in the evenings searching for toys and clothes online. Fantasy shopping the shit out of eBay and Mamas & Papas. God forbid an actual catalogue arrives in the post; I have developed a page folding/labelling system.
When I find a cheap deal on nappies I issue an email to my mum friends like some kind of twattish nappy-price inspector.
At least 70% of my Facebook statuses start with ‘gin’ or ‘teething’. I’m fairly sure I’ve been unfriended by around 35 people since I had the baby… Arseholes.
I am obsessed with taking photos of the baby. Usually around 20 a day. My baby photo albums are broken down by week not month… Even the grandparents start to look bored after 45 minutes of JULY – WEEK 3.
I’ve developed a baby voice. I promised myself I wouldn’t but it’s there. Squeaking its way through afternoons playing with stacking cups and sporadically breaking into song. It’s like being possessed… By a complete twat.
Worst of all, and most worrying of all, I can’t stop talking about having another baby. What is wrong with me? I swear someone is injecting me with mind altering drugs.
All of the above could be swiftly corrected if I just went and got a job. But considering my CV now basically says:
I am awesome.
Key skills: twitter, one handed nappy changing and gin.
I don’t think they’ll be beating down the door somehow…
Love this. A word of caution though. Going back to work does not solve this!
. I now battle to stop humming twinkle twinkle standing at the photo copier – or rocking my imaginary baby whilst sorting the post.
At least u don't look a complete loon when u actually have your baby with u!Reply
LOL – that's so funny! Duly noted. I will just NOT go back to work then. Will let husband know ASAP 🙂Reply
I'm with you there totally when I didn't have R I would get so annoyed about everyone's status updates about their baby but its very rare that I don't do it now! I work 1 day a week and seriously questioning my inelegance as I feel a little brain dead not thinking of anything apart from baby baby baby however I don't want to put R in nursery when I can look after him myself. Do you find that you do nothing socially anymore when I do I always take R why do I do that?? XReply
I'm trying to do more stuff socially as I'm lucky to have Grandparents round the corner, at least then I have that to talk about! She's becoming more and more of a handful so it's impossible to not go a bit mad stuck with her all day long lol xReply
Same I have gone out of my mind this week very demanding and screamed at me most of the time had a few times where iv had to go for a drive as feel like I'm loosing the plot! Iv just started going to a baby week and have booked in some me time and me and hubby time! Need to start giving myself some time. I'm always in the situation where R looks fab new clothes clean cute etc and I'm wearing holey clothes with dark eyes and worzle gummage hair. TLC time for me hopefully well we will see that's my intention xReply
I basically just live in leggings… I am a walking cliche lol x Now I've pretty much stopped breastfeeding I'm gonna start packing off to Granny's overnight a bit more I think 🙂 At least then I can feel like me a few days here and there xxx Mine is a total diva… lol xReply
Also the worst thing I have discovered about myself is that I "mum" dance!Reply
HAHA! I don' think I'm there just yet… *shudders lolReply
I am so with you on the pushchair encyclopaedia. Haven't worked out a cure for the baby bore and with another on the way I think it may be terminal!Reply
Lol 🙂 I'll let u know if I find a cure! For now I'm just gonna give into it tee hee xxReply
Dear twattish nappy-price inspector,
I love your blog best of all. It is nothing short of a treat to read.
There is NOTHING boring about you.
PS: Can I please be added to cheap nappy emails?Reply
I shall add you forthwith and also issue daily pushchair updates 🙂 You and me can be friends. I can tell. xxxReply
Lol 😉 thank u x *does little bow* xxReply