When I gave birth I thought that it was pretty hard work, you know, quite a struggle and all round general inconvenience. But I was wrong. Because compared to changing the nappy of 10 month old baby childbirth WAS A BREEZE.
I’m not sure exactly when the transition occurred; one moment my daughter was lying, smiling up at me with delight as her bottom was refreshed, the next she became a miniature escape artist, competent in the art of krav maga… A squirming, squiggling, surprisingly strong squid-like creature determined to remain bare-bottomed and scent mark most of the house.
She begins by lulling me into a false sense of security… a giggle and straight forward conversion to horizontal. She smiles sweetly and claps her hands as I gently unwrap the little gift she’s left for me and then… it begins…
Her face drops.
Her eyes become slits of complete focus.
The left foot shoots towards my face, while the right arm crosses her body for leverage simultaneously allowing her to grab the wipes packet and stick her right leg into the dirty nappy, thus loading it for combat.
She releases a harrowing war cry, flipping herself onto her front with lighting speed. Knowing I will have to deal firstly with the ‘poo-leg’, she quickly snacks on a baby-wipe, and hurls the clean nappy across the room just out of reach. She knows this will buy her just enough time to make a break for freedom.
She’s on her knees within a second and crawling in a zig-zig formation to cover as much ground as possible and make immediate capture less probable.
I regain composure, grab the abandoned nappy and commence with project place-reverse-nappy-on-crawling baby. This ends in disaster as the awkward position means the sticky tab has failed. Nooooooooooo. She punches the air in triumph, swiftly sits bolt upright and releases an almighty wee on the carpet. Satisfied she’s tortured and ridiculed me enough for the moment, she laughs hysterically and eventually gives in. I remove the elements of carpet from her derrière and seal up the rainmaker with a fresh pampers.
It’s 50/50 at this point as to whether I have enough energy to attempt a ‘re-clothing’… I find it’s easier to just pour myself an epic gin.
#epicgin
#nappyslapping
Sit with her between your legs, lay your calves over her upper arms, and do the one-handed ankle grasp. Sorted 😉
ReplyYou're a clearly a pro :))) #properskillz lol x she does have ankle like a trucker tho…
Replyon more than one occasion I have knelt across a child, sat astride a child or pinned them down ( without actually weight bearing on them I will add in case you try it) be it to change their bum, administer medication ( though this can still be spat out) or dress them, though with youngest he would just go and undress himself quicker than I could redress the little horror.
ReplyThe joys.
So much to look forward to. i can hardly WAIT. *sobs into laptop… ha!
ReplyFun times! #MumVSBaby x
Replylol x thanks for reading :)))
ReplyLuv this, escape artists have nothing on my son. Am certain alcohol was invented for this very reason. Much needed giggle on this rather drab Sat x x
ReplyGlad to have cheered u up 😉 here's to gin! Xx lol
ReplyGreat post. Brings back the memories. We're now at stage whereby almost 3yo is bored by the fact that she can dress herself so spends most of her time taking them off again! Have to confess mummy's attempts to ensure she doesn't run around the house half naked are pretty half-hearted 😉
ReplyWell it sounds sort of fun…;) lol x
ReplyThis really made me chuckle, I remember it so well. I have to change Princess's over my knee, it's the only way I can do it! Means I can pin her down if needs be!!
ReplyClearly I have so much to learn… Lol xx
Replyso familiar! i have definitely pinned mine down with with my knees and arms!.. not fun when poo involved! B
ReplyI have definitely learnt done things today! Ha! Thanks for reading :))) xx
ReplyThis actually made me laugh out loud! Mine aren't yet struggling during nappy change but we did have an incident of "poo leg" this morning. Your post has made me panic at how long it may actually take me to change the twins nappies once they reach baby-rebellion!
Thanks for a good giggle on a dreary Saturday. Xx
ReplyThis actually made me laugh out loud! Mine aren't yet struggling during nappy change but we did have an incident of "poo leg" this morning. Your post has made me panic at how long it may actually take me to change the twins nappies once they reach baby-rebellion!
Thanks for a good giggle on a dreary Saturday. Xx
ReplyThis actually made me laugh out loud! Mine aren't yet struggling during nappy change but we did have an incident of "poo leg" this morning. Your post has made me panic at how long it may actually take me to change the twins nappies once they reach baby-rebellion!
Thanks for a good giggle on a dreary Saturday. Xx
ReplyLOL – it's gong to happen… mwah ha ha! Glad to have cheered you up :)))
ReplyI love the picture! Little monkey. Don't want to worry you, but she'll be in nappies until at least 2. Once she's walking, you'll need to rugby tackle her!
ReplyI'm working on my fitness and upper body strength for exactly that reason… 🙂 lol x
ReplyDylan ends up quite often trouserless for the day as changing the nappy takes all my energy and I give up! 14 months and we are still there. Buy stocks in the gin x
Replyha! Consider stocks bought 🙂 xxx
ReplyI honestly think I'd rather go through labour with twins again, than get my 12-month-old into her vest and pyjamas. Trust me, the addition of walking (and running) does not make things easier!!
Replyhaha! I think I'm really understanding the value of alcohol now I have a baby… :))
Replyhaha sorry but this made me laugh! Already we have a wriggler during nappy changes. That's before crawling is included lol
ReplyOh it gets so much worse… lol 🙂
ReplyThis blog seriously made me laugh. thanks so much i really needed that. My daughter is 14 months old and so simular but before that madness starts she goes in with the hands first lol!
ReplySo glad to have given u a giggle :)))) x lol c thanks for reading! xx
ReplyI love that picture, it's just what I'm faced with several times a day!
Replylol x I think it's actually getting worse as well… how can someone so small be so strong! xx
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