- Your child has worn pyjamas and/or a swim poncho to more than one social occasion.
*whispers loudly* And so have you…
- Your child is not afraid of dogs – in fact, they welcome the fight and the opportunity to bark freely.
- Dinner in your household involves only beige… beige meaning toast… dinner meaning all meals…
- Your child stares out cats and pensioners.
- You can’t use your hoover – it would disturb the carpet raisins…
- You understand there is no point cleaning your house or your child when there is Febreeze for that.
- Your child eats from the floor, where there is potentially enough debris to feed them for a week… And this makes you proud. Probably how Bear Grylls started…
- Your second favourite time of day is BEDTIME. Which is followed by your favourite time of day: WINETIME.
- Unless there’s a stage 2 border breach, it doesn’t need changing.
- And when it does, any surface is a change table.
- Messy Play is something for other people’s children. Like colouring. And vegetables. And baths…
- Unless it’s crispy it’s re-wearable.
- Your child’s favourite toy is formed from a standard household object – I.e. a toilet roll, a scouring pad, a tampon-box… or perhaps a piece of Sellotape with rice-cake shards stuck to one end…
- Your child sometimes licks other children.
- You’ve been barred from at least one Mother & Baby Group.
- It’s highly possible that your local town centre has put you on the infant equivalent of pub watch – Toddler Watch.
- Your child already knows of Haribo and it’s mystical properties…
- You think you may have developed a shame-crush on one of the cBeebies presenters…
- You can pinpoint the exact moment you knew you’d never do any of this again, as the point you gave your child bath crayons. *shudders*
- You one day wish of a time your house is carpet-raisin free, your child suitably clothed and clean, cats, pensioners and alsatians can rest easy, and where soft-play is mainly about gin and sitting… Ahhh… aspirations…
re: the last point. That time comes, eventually, and then they have their own children and its payback time!!!Reply
lol – I shall look forward to it! :))) xReply
aww raisians …. the bane of my lifeReply
Bastard raisins… *tuts* 😉 xReply
I think you should have words with the company who make Febreeze, this could be a new and improved advertising angle for them!Reply
I like your thinking lady 😉 *begins typing email to Febreeze head office…* xxReply
hahaha!! Brilliant!! I so should be in the bad mummies club! lolReply
You're in 😉 it's a lifetime membership too… Lol xxReply
Oh god, not bath crayons, pmsl. Never, EVER again. I cursed the person that bought them for the kids. I'm in the club I think! Great post, I'm not on my own then :O) Phew!Reply
Ha 😉 yep ur defo in x we're all in it together! Lol #badmummiesclubReply
I've just had to curl up in the foetal position at the mention of bath crayons. PJs and swim ponchos: check. Does nakedness also count? I love the Andy and Sid number rap on CBeebies whether my children are present or not. Am I in? I promise to bring a hip flask (or three) of gin 😉 xxReply
Totally in. You don't even have to uncurl yourself from the foetal position. We'll just pass u gin while ur down there… Consider it a perk of the club! Lol 😉 xxxReply
Messy play is for when they're at someone else's house. Baths are only for if there is something stuck in their hair. As long as it isn't being broken or swallowed it's keeping them quiet then they can play with whatever they find.Reply
Agreed, agreed, agreed… you're in 🙂 #badmummiesclubReply
Hilarious! Absolutely 100% say yes to all of these with at least one of my children….although perhaps not being banned from a mums and toddlers group – saw it coming so left first!Reply
Haha 😉 that still counts x #in lol! XxxReply
Bath crayons are the work of the devil!Reply
Agreed! lol xReply
I am raising my toast and philly dinner to you in salute.Reply
Lol 😉 *does a little bow*Reply