We all know the Fuck-You-Mummies,
The ones you try your hardest to ignore…
Marmite-free hair and perfect skin, getting through the day without gin,
Don’t they know parenthood’s what alcohol is for…?
I can’t stand those Fuck-You-Mummies,
The ones who look at you down their nose.
‘Coz you can’t be arsed with stay-and-play, and wear pyjamas for most of the day,
And make breakfast, lunch and dinner out of toast…
I hate those Fuck-You-Mummies,
Whose children eat salad through choice….?!
And don’t speak until they’re spoken to, or laugh when they’ve broken you,
And never make weapons out of their toys.
I loathe those Fuck-You-Mummies,
Looking smug as their kids sit and play.
Speaking three different languages, making their own cucumber sandwiches,
And actually ‘doing’ what their parents say…?
I’ve no time for the Fuck-You-Mummies,
Who don’t allow TV or eat anything containing wheat.
The CBeebies bedtime hour, is my only chance for a bastard shower,
While my daughter eats sofa raisins and licks her own feet.
So Fuck You you Fuck-You-Mummies,
I’m not perfect and that’s okay.
My child’s hilarious and quirky, unpredictable and always dirty,
And I wouldn’t have it any other Fucking way.
#FuckYouFuckYouMummies
#Offtohaveagiantgin
#hopefullyIstillhavesomefollowersleft
Love the part about only having a shower when it's the bedtime hour… I can relate.
Whilst at the park the other day I got chatting to a mum who had just told her little girl that she shouldn't get so upset over not meeting her friends she made over five minutes in the park the day before. I commented (with a grin) that the friends she makes now are the ones which will undoubtedly last a lifetime (laced with sarcasm) and she just stared at me then walked off without saying a word. I was trying to be funny. I was shot down folks, in a ball of flames.
Replypahahaha 😉 humour is lost on some…! xxx Thanks for the comment ! xx
Replythat's great! I love a good bit of sarcasm!
Replyhaha x oh me too 😉 xx
ReplyBrilliant!!
ReplyI Love the last bit!! Same here, mines a bloody nutter most of the time and I definitely wouldn't change a thing!
Of course not! Who wants to be 'normal' anyhow! lol x
ReplyHahaha bedtime TV is my favourite time of the day 🙂 and bread keeps Peanut very happy! x
ReplyI'd actually never leave the house if breadsticks hadn't ben invented… lol x
Reply'Sofa raisins'….*snigger*…..we have 'floor food', but anything that's been retrieved from underneath the sofa is banned… 😀
ReplyI like to think of mine as have a very strong immune system… pahahaha
ReplyMy 6yo just came to tell me that his brother (3) was eating a piece of toast he found under his bed and I replied "it's fine, it's only from yesterday" Sooo … great post! 🙂
Replylol – I can see where university students get it from now… ha!
ReplyOh I am lurving sofa raisins! I have forwarded this on to some of my friends who admit to joining me in the "unfit mothers club" OUr kids are happy and healthy – my nan used to say "eat a peck of dirt before you die" A peck is a skip load right?
ReplyOh yeah totally… peck, skip-load… same thing really 🙂 x lol. Thanks for reading! xx
Replyhahaha! That is the best post I've read all day!! Brilliant x
Reply*does little happy dance* Thank you! xxx
ReplyMy toddler had a screaming tantrum that he waned more strawberries today . . . whilst holding a strawberry in each hand. Love the nutty thing
ReplyPahahaha 😉 gotta love their mental little minds! Lol x
ReplyBrilliant! I bet the fuck-you-mummies don't swear either.
ReplyFrom
A rum soaked, cursing, slovenly mum 🙂
Of course not, except for when they say fuck you… 😉 lol x
ReplyLOL, sofa raisins!!!!!
Replyhaha 😉 x
ReplyLove it! I know many fuck-you mummies but me and other unsuitable mums have formed our own club. We sit at opposite ends of the toddler group having our very own 'mummy-off', like an alternative version of West Side Story. Great post xx
ReplyPahahaha 😉 I love it x *whispers scarily – join us…* lol x
ReplyAbsolutely brilliant! Love the sofa raisins – my ten month old likes to follow the cats' example and crawls under the table to have another pass at the discarded tit bits from breakfast/lunch/dinner (possibly over a day old, I am not too hot on hoovering).
ReplyI've sold my hoover… It was only collecting dust and cluttering the place up 😉 lol xxx #sofaraisins
ReplyHa ha! I hate them too 🙂 xx
ReplyHa 😉 we all do! Lol xxx
ReplyFantastic! My little one's only 5 weeks old but I can see my future in your poem!xx
ReplyThey come to us all… lol 😉 xx
Replyha ha 🙂 I eat Cheerios out of my bra. Oops x
ReplyPretty much makes you my hero… 😉
ReplyYou are amazing.. that's all! xx
Replyha! *does little bow* :)) x
Reply