Never let anyone question your right to fart freely.
Never have your nappy changed without a fight. Go for the eyes… And the nipples…
Never eat anything green*
*Or that isn’t chips.
Anything can be a hat. AN-Y-THING. (except hats)
Teething should always be a shared experience…
Parents should NEVER be allowed to go to the toilet alone. They could be trying to escape. Or use the iPad without you.
If they try to remove your swim poncho… cut them.
Everything is better whilst naked. FACT.
No matter what they tell you, you CAN communicate with cats by hugging them.
The ‘In The Night Garden’ swirly-finger-palm-thingy NEVER gets old. EVER. Mix things up by using substituting your finger for a knife… On your own face… With your eyes closed…
If Mummy sits down at any point in your presence this is an invitation to climb her using any available loose neck skin and use her womb as a trampoline.
Never let them cut your hair. If it’s getting long, smooth it down with yoghurt and faeces.
Bunches are a sign of weakness…
…Along with colouring on the paper provided…
Say no at least 10 times until you’re sure it’s not a trap.
No lift should EVER be entered without you pressing the button.
Dance like no-one’s watching, sing like no-one’s listening and TRAVEL BASTARD EVERYWHERE IN YOUR FISHER-PRICE COZY COUPE.
If ever you think they have the upper hand, just remember; it still freaks them out when you don’t blink often enough…
…And that you can escape your Grobag… one handed… in the dark…
So very very true. Laughing out loud (as much as my poor bounced on womb can stand, at any rate!)Reply
ha 😉 it's amazing how they're all so different yet the same isn't it… lol x glad it made u laugh! :)))Reply
My toddler certainly read most of these and the baby is the worst for the womb-trampolining!Reply
It's all we are to them now… ALL WE ARE. #wombtrampolines lol xReply
He he, all so true! No. 4 has just been proved by my 18mo, who only ate her chips, then escaped her chair and ate all her brothers too… Last seen running away with a fistful of them 🙂Reply
Lol 😉 they're proper little escape artists! And complete experts at getting their own bastard way… Lol xx thanks for the comment :)))Reply
Very funny! 🙂Reply
It's official Wally Bubba is my hero – she's amazeballs……..#wotsofuneeReply
lol 🙂 she's getting quite a fan base… ha! xxReply
9 and 19 are my favourites! absolutely love this post, so funny. also slightly terrifying as I will be facing this twofold…Reply
ha… it's all to come… be afraid, be very afraid… lol! xxReply
Utter genius as always, colouring on paper is quite obviously not a thorough expression of artistic nature – mine are all planning futures in interior design! xxReply
:))) I think mine will have a future in demolition if nothing else… 😉 lol xx thanks for the comment! xxReply
That blinking thing is absolutely true! And you HAVE to have another baby – I'd love to see how you handle button-pressing arguments when there's 2 of them 😉 (Although I know it's illegal to say that, so sorry)Reply
lol… I've think you've put me off more kids purely for he lift button thing… well done! 🙂 lol x *downs gin* xReply
EXCELLENT! Love this post, love your blog 🙂Reply
Thank you! :))) xReply