Personal Statement:
Small, angry, usually snotty/hungry and generally clothed toddler seeks line of work involving cake and slides. Payment preferably in ice-cream, and dancing and colouring to be included. NO HAIRBANDS OR SOCKS.
Key Skills:
Farting on demand and then laughing so hard more farts come out. AKA ‘The Fart Loop’.
Only eating beige or chocolate.
Stealth poo-ing.
Building Mega Block towers up to five blocks tall… then knocking the shit out of them with my face.
Eating beans on toast without use of my hands. (MPeg available upon request)
Jumping. On ANY surface.
Nappy removal in under 3 seconds. Even whilst wearing a Onesie.
Naked hoovering.
Achievements:
Reached the rank of ‘Turd Ninja’ before the age of 12 months after learning how to escape not only my nappy, but also my Grobag during a poo party for one in my cot.
Unofficially named Best Hider in a Hide & Seek Game in the wider Hampshire area.
Fluent in cat.
Once ate a tub of Sudocrem.
Proficient in Daddy Manipulation since the age of 3 weeks.
Colouring, stickering and using an iPad at a 3 year old level.
Invented my own version of counting to Ten. (includes farm noises and some mildly offensive language)
Once interviewed for the role of Tombliboo Eee.
Work History:
Upsy Daisy’s BFF: July 2012 – December 2012
Lola (from Charlie and Lola) Stunt Double: Jan 2013 – March 2013
Cat Rider: Ongoing.
Elf/Pumpkin/Easter Chick: Seasonal Work.
Ballerina: since last Tuesday.
References:
Mummy (call before midday… the gin won’t have taken effect at this point) or Iggle Piggle. We’re tight.
Peace out.
WallyBubba xx
Hehe – Little Z is a stealth poo-er too. Then he lies about it too. "No mummy! I not done poo!"
ReplyLOL – and they are always so adamant aren't they! Makes me laugh so much ;))) thanks for the comment xx
ReplyAwww that is soo cute! Gave me a good laugh! x
ReplyHa! Glad it gave a you a laugh 😉 xx
Replymy husband thinks im crazy, I've got tears streaming down my face reading this .xxx
ReplyLOL! Thanks for reading :))) x
Reply*snort* that's absolutely hilarious! Love how wally bubba has a CV now, a good thing too given how many new skills she's accumulated. You wait, it won't be long before she says "I done a fart" in public or even better "look man I gotta bogey" 🙂
Heading over from @The_Doves
Replyha! I'm actually looking forward to those days – they sound hilarious! The days I'm worried about are the ones when she's old enough to read my blog… *shudders* lol x Thanks for the comment :))) x
ReplyLove it! Sounds like more employable than most of The Apprentice candidates.
ReplyYou're hired!
She already has more transferable skills than the majority of people on that show to be fair! Lol x thanks for the comment :)))
ReplyHa ha, fantastic! WallyBubba is remarkably well-qualified for one so young. I'm impressed and terrified in equal measure 😉 xx
ReplyThanks! xx I think that's basically motherhood isn't it – being equally terrified and in awe of your toddler at the same time… lol! xx
ReplyHilarious. I genuinely did laugh out loud. Especially this bit; Nappy removal in under 3 seconds. Even whilst wearing a Onesie and cat rider Ongoing. Have you been spying on us?
Replyha! Glad to have made you LOL xx *folds telescope away* teehee x
ReplyI bet you had a awesome job in your previous life 😉
Replyha! Sadly it wasn't writing toddler CVs… lol x #funee
ReplyLol – your hired 🙂
ReplyHa 😉 well thanks Lotd Sugar. I'll pick up my shit :)))
Reply