I actually can’t take it anymore.
I feel like giving up with the whole bastard thing…
It’s a joke.
(No. I’m not talking about my fanny again.)
My child WILL NOT EAT.
Well. She will ‘eat’, but the list of foods she will consume has diminished into ridiculousness. *big gin-filled deep sigh*
I used to be so smug…
My paella-chomping, seabass-munching, all-vegetable-orgy-consuming one-year-old has completely f*@king vanished… And been replaced by a two-year-old who insists on every meal time accompanied by Iggle Piggle, her fairy wand and a rendition of Peppa’s Snowy [email protected]*king Adventure. (KILL. ME.) And will eat ONLY sausages, pizza, raspberries, cake and yoghurt.
I’m not even exaggerating.
That is… Actually. Bastard. It.
I find it almost embarrassing. What did I do wrong? She used to eat everything?!?!
The cats now circle the highchair at dinner time awaiting the imminent overspill of a rejected chicken risotto shower or a catapulted fish finger… Trust has completely broken down. If I place something other than the aforementioned ‘safe-list’ in front of the toddler, I’m met with a stern ‘NO‘. Followed by a complacent finger wag, an eye-roll, a tut and a series of other humiliating ‘if you think I’m eating that, you’re even more of a twat than I thought…’ noises/actions until it’s removed and I cave with a Petit Filous offering… Again. *sobs*
Long gone are the days I can smother it in cheese and hope for the best, or hide the veggies in secret omelettes and casseroles… She can sniff out a carrot from 20 paces, and at the slightest hint of a broccoli floret she begins smashing up furniture, water-boarding Iggle Piggle and physically assaulting the cats. With Hello Kitty cutlery…. Oh the irony…
What am I supposed to do? I feel like I’ve tried EVERYTHING.
We’ve eaten together. We’ve eaten apart. At the table. Away from the table. We eat the same meal. We eat different meals. We share a plate. We have multiple plates. We eat at different times. Same time. Different seats. Same seat. We pick the meals. We offer choices. We cook together. Chop together. Press the bastard shitting button on the cooker together… We self-serve from a chocolate spouting magical tea-pot balanced on a leprechaun’s head at the end of a shitting rainbow together… but no. THAT’S NOT [email protected]
*KING GOOD ENOUGH EITHER.
So… unless someone wants to swap toddlers, I’m at a total loss… And now officially bound to a life-time of pizza-sausage-yoghurt meals… washed down with gin, a loss of self-respect and a healthy dose of mummy-failure to boot.
Don't be silly! Children are MENTAL. #factReply
pahahaha x thank you 🙂 that makes me feel MUCH better! lol xxReply
Chain her up in the cellar and throw bones in for her once a day, she'll soon learn.Reply
It may well come to this! lol xReply
actually, I didn't say that. It was someone else. xxReply
"until it's removed and I cave with a Petit Filous offering."
well you said it! Either you concede and stop worrying, give her what the heck she likes and assume she'll out grow it – maybe find some yummy vitamin chewy thingys..
or take it as the battle it's become and win it. Only serve up one thing, she doesn't eat it. Wait till next meal serve up something again. I doubt she'd starve herself.
But is the war worth it? I'd probably stop worrying and bung random stuff onto a pizza….Reply
We do vitamin drops as I panic she's not getting enough nutrition otherwise 😉 I suppose I just want reassurance this is normal! p.s. she only eats plain cheese pizza… lol x Any additional toppings adorn the dining room otherwise! xxReply
This is really funny but I sense you are also quite concerned. With a 7 and 6 year old who did exactly this, I promise it WILL pass. She is being two – roll with it. I used to count the mouthfuls with my kids so they knew an end was in sight. You think they are bright as sparks because they are gobby ha but actually they are quite nervous and unsure of food at this stage. Just relax hun. I have a little boy who eats so little but his dieticians say its enough. Essay over *takes a bite out of my pizza-sausage-yoghurt sandwich* xxxxxReply
Pahahaha x thanks gorgeous 😉 that is good to hear! xxReply
It's war and you've caved. The hardest thing to get your mind around is the fact that no child will intentionally starve themselves………….Offer one thing – they can't have the next until they have had 1/2/3 spoons and stick to it. Hard thing to do, do it on a day when you aren't going out, when you can be a complete bit#h to your toddler and noone will comment, slowly and eventually they will get there.
Have you tried fried rice with peas, ham and egg, a little soya sauce that they add themselves (watch this it can get a bit salty, those small bottles from the sushi box are good for this).
Try making an omelet look like a pizza,
Or pancake as pizza
I made hedgehogs with sausages as prickles, mash potatoes and peas for eyes and grass.
You do realize that is a control issue, don't let it rattle you. Keep offering her the good stuff. Don't let her have the petit filou unless she eats what you want.
Peanut butter on bread – a good source of protein.
Marmite – good for vit B
Another option – which I didn't do often was let them 'help' make their own lunch, on condition they eat it.
Just remember she will eat if hungry – oh and don't do what I did and give her milk instead! My son swopped eating for a heavy milk addiction for a while. That took a lot to sort out!Reply
Gosh thanks! lol x I think I've tried most of this but no harm keeping trying! 😉 xx She does often go to bed hungry through protests which means she wakes up annoyingly early but I'm hoping she'll eventually get hungry enough to eat her dinner :))) x I'm just trying not to get too stressed about it really! xxReply
It does pass. Don't show her your fear or weakness. Toddlers live off your insecurities. Just continue to offer her different things, but be prepared to give her her usual food too.Reply
😉 yes… Don't want her sucking dry what's left of my enthusiasm… Lol x thanks lovely! XxReply
It's time to introduce the treat jar lovely. She sounds just like my daughter at that age. I filled a glass jar full of sweets and chocolate, put it on a high shelf, and gave her the choice of one treat after tea, provided she had eaten nicely all day. She didn't have to eat it all, but she had to try some of everything I gave her, and not throw food around. I know people will pounce on me for introducing a bad message, but it bloody worked. She's an intelligent girl, she got it (after a few days of me not caving in) and she's totally the one who now will say "no sweets for me today Mummy I've had enough to eat, thanks." So I don't hold with all that right on stuff spouted by medics. No-one ever got an eating disorder from having a chocolate button after their dinner!Reply
I like your style 😉 nothing 'traditional' has worked for me so far! I am happy to try a bit of chocolate button bribery! xx what age did you start? Mine is only just 2 tho, so not really having sweets/chocolate yet… Although she'd catch on pretty bloody fast! lol xReply
Oh my God, I have been there. In fact I'm actually still there now..Reply
She will not try anything new, unless it is sugar coated. And if I put something healthy in front of her, she all but slaps me in the face. Although she is pretty good with her veg, I'll give her that. She'll eat a whole tin of carrots with a spoon.
Just bear with it. Most of the time I think it is just a phase, but when you cave I suppose you're just allowing them to think they don't like it. I'm not one to talk, but I now have a 3yo who is also a fan of just pizza, sausages, chips and carrots. Always carrots.
I wish I had carrots too… #jealous lol xxReply
It'll pass, it's just a phase! Good that she's still eating raspberries and yoghurt, though, as surely they're good? She's plenty of time to try new things again, so in the meantime, enjoy the pizza!Reply
haha x totally healthy! Year of pizza it is :))) xxReply
It's hard work isn't it!? I'm fricken exhausted from throwing so much food in the bloody bin. I too was smug, she ate anything, then one day she didn't. No idea why. Bloody kids!Reply
Bloody toddlers indeed x virtual gin and tears to commiserate…? 😉 lol xReply
Hilarious as ever. We have a very limited Safe List too. And a Two Year Old who throws his cutlery if a vegetable so much as farts at 20 paces – we are a Fruit and Veg free zone. 'It'll pass' they say. WILL IT?! Actually I think it probably will. And for now…there are vitamins. Best of luck 🙂Reply
for now we will just pass the gin instead yeah…? 🙂 xxReply
Bulk buy pizza, yogurt and wine : )Reply
Knew I could count on you to be the voice of clarity and reason :))) *clink* xReply
I remember so well the day my baby Turned. One minute, eating organic everything. The next, I'm hiding avocado in his yoghurt. True. He totally busted me, which I guess should make me glad I'm not raising an idiot. Then it would be like the idiot leading the idiot. xxReply
'Turned' is a good way of describing it! lol x They're smarter than they look these bastard toddlers heehee xReply
Bollocks. Pizza & Gin = top combo, you're living the dream.Reply
My toddler is refusing all veggies at the moment too, I'm letting her get on with it as she's still chomping fruit (for now). The bigger kid went through the same thing and would only eat scrambled eggs for 2 weeks (vitamin drops were given) – that time I went to war and found we were just pissed off with each other until it was over it was stressful and meal times became shit for everyone. Honestly I'd enjoy the Top Combo for now, the phase will be over as quickly as it started.
Hahaha! Right 😉 Gin and Pizza it is :))) xReply
This made me smile, loving your little one's determination 🙂 She's finding her voice, and feels safe to do it with you…that's a compliment! Indulge in the gin, my lovely, and roll with the raspberry pizzas…there will come a day when you miss them 😉Reply
That's such a lovely way to think about it :))) thanks missus xxxxReply
This made me laugh out loud – don't you just love toddlers and food! Last weekend TT refused to eat anything other than potatoes and broccoli for lunch and dinner and for the whole three days of the weekend (Fri, Sat and Sun). The only exception was breakfast when Cheerios was the food of choice. We have never ending battles and bribery when it comes to food but its comforting to know that all toddlers are essentially the same 😉Reply
It's true – they're all at it! lol xxReply
Been here had the one bowl of cereal all day t-shirt and thankful we are now through the other side with bribery of chips and threatening to give his chippy tea to the young one.
There's nothing like a bit of sibling jealousy to manipulateReply
Soooo… you're saying I need to import a brother or sister from somewhere… I like it. Where do they sell them? heehee xxReply
It's only a phase, it's only a phase! This is my mantra. My 3yo has been through this, with a similar list of foods in his 'acceptable' list (never broccoli. Funny that), only on a certain plate, cut in a certain way, holding a cutlass in his left hand throughout meal…this too shall pass. Something to do with asserting independence (the little shits) but they're unlikely to reach 20 and only eat triangles of toast from the Thomas plate. I know it's anxious-making though, even when you're trying desperately for it not to be. I do a secret jig when Buster eats all his peas and often wonder at what age that stops.Reply
By the way, love the blog. I've just started mine and we have some similar views – mostly around gin and needing to laugh at how ridiculous life can be. TFI Friday… X
Welcome to the blogosphere missus xx I will stop by! 😉 Especially if there is gin and a good humour :))) xReply
i am a nutritionist and see loads of parents of toddlers who would once eat anything – love this!!! is totally a development thing ans as the lady before said you know they will not get to 20 eating off thomas plate! will send lots of parents this blog post – infact will put link to it on my website – http://www.happyeaters,co.uk if that ok with you?Reply
Well that certainly is good to hear! lol x Yeah sure I'm happy for you to share the link 😉 the more the merrier and all that :))) x thanks for stopping by! xxReply
Just seen your fabulous blog – thanks to Mumsnet!
My gorgeous two year old eats yoghurt, fish fingers and spaghetti hoops. Bring on 3! I wear sunnies when we're out…in disguise!Reply
Oh I long for the day mine touches something in a sauce… lol 🙂 xReply
To get toddler-daughter to eat all her fish fingers when she's in *that frame of mind* I pile a load of ketchup on her plate and sing a 'dip-dip-dip' song; pretty sure the sugar in the Magic Stars will counteract the salt in the sauce.Reply
Oh yeah totally – and fruit cancels out ice cream too I like to think :)) lol xReply
Bloody hell this is like reading about when my daughter was 1!! Hate to say it at 7 we have made limited progress lolReply
She does eat a varied diet but still a complete pain in my butt at meal times! If she decides she not eating then well the whole table knows about it! I now Ignire it and she don’t get nothing else!
Thank god my 2 year old son so far is still a good eater 🙂 loving your blog!!
Heehee x thanks for reading lovely 😉 xxReply