It’s cold. It’s mostly grey. And raining. And shit.
Welcome to British Summertime.
And as I can’t be fucked to find the rain-cover and spend several hours working out how to re-attach the foot-muff to the buggy… here’s my guide to making the most of the rainy days stuck in the house with small people:
- Never EVER try to replicate anything you see on Pinterest. It is full of empty lies from people who ‘knit for fun’ and allow loose glitter in their homes. This is not you. You are good at gin and ordering on Amazon. You should know your limitations.
- Give your children the giant box from your latest Amazon gin-order…. Place them all inside with spoons and tell them they need to dig their way out. Close lid. Pour gin. Consider this an all-round win not only in parenting but life in general.
- Inspire imaginative play by emptying a box of tampons on the bathroom floor and telling the toddler they’ll be looking after a family of ‘mice’ in there for a few hours. Very quietly. And still. So as not to scare them.
- Time… for…. NAKED TUESDAY… yayyy! No clothes-washing required. Repeat Wednesday through to Sunday.
- As a nature-activity, announce that today you will be learning about foraging… foraging the rice-cakes shards out of the carpet, the carrot-stick debris out of the buggy, and seeing who can get that weird brown sticky stuff out of the back of the radiator.
- Then… later on as part some fun ‘water-play’ they’ll be having a really long bath. Straight after dinner. With a jug. And some of the aforementioned tampons. (As a treat.)
- Pasta-craft for all the family – but instead of raw pasta use cooked… and instead of paint use pesto… and instead of making shit necklaces just eat it. Around lunchtime. #win
- Get inventive… with yet even more elaborate excuses why you simply ‘can’t get the Play-Doh out’ today. Before giving in to just the blue one and sitting over the toddler like a twat with some plastic sheeting and a Dyson handheld.
- Consider some messy play. Then remember you like your house and punch yourself in the face.
- And if all else fails – the answer is that Santa is Watching and wants to see how well behaved everyone can be while Mummy watches Life on Marbs with a glass of White Rioja. For breakfast.