No-one ever really tells you why it’s so hard being a mum.
Possibly because in order that the human race actually continues, allowing women to believe that labour is a ‘constructive pain‘ (Seriously – Fuck you.) and keeping under wraps the four-month-sleep-regression, nipples turning into pate, and your labia stretching to a length by which you could make a hammock for sylvanian families out of it…. is quite sensible. I can see how this might be slightly off putting.
However, the slight inconvenience of your vagina exploding so your uterus can release a human-f@*king-being, is far from the hardest part…
What’s far more difficult is the continued battle to keep hold of your sense of self, your past life and the friends that go with that, and not descending into a legging-clad hermit who cries into cakes at things she reads on Facebook. (nope… never done that… not at all even slightly at all…)
But this, my friends, is why the Universe invented #MummyFriends…
The NCT gang, the aqua-natal allies, baby-group buddies, playground pals or even friendly folk on Facebook forums… often springing from the most unlikely or insignificant places, THESE are your #MummyFriends and the support that all of us need…
Many a mum has sat, nose buried in iPhone, at new mum groups wondering whether to stay for yet another rendition of Twinkle Twinkle or to bolt for the door… but then a friendly face stops, chats, understands, has also been wearing the same pants for a week and frequently cries in carparks for no reason… and BOOM. You start to realise it’s NOT JUST YOU.
#MummyFriends are the ones that respond to your desperate late night tweets, the people you turn to first when your child has taken a metaphorical shit on your plans (and a real one in your hair), they know the right things to say when you’re not ok, and they never judge you for having a pint of wine before midday. Out of a thermos. At baby-sensory…
THEY are the ones that know the lies behind that Facebook profile picture, the torture of the sleepless nights, and that sometimes you just need to eat all five doughnuts without breathing in between because NO 70cm LONG HUMAN SHOULD BE ABLE TO PRODUCE THAT MUCH SHIT, IN THAT COLOUR. EVER.
They tell you you’re doing a GOOD JOB, make you feel like a good mum, a good person, and agree with you that being thin and sober is SERIOUSLY OVER-RATED, as it mostly doesn’t involve cake, gin and gin-cake. They don’t bat an eyelid when you turn up wearing a skirt shorter than your vagina for your first Mums Night Out in 3 months, promptly throw up and have to go home at 9pm because five glasses of wine actually IS too many when you’ve not slept since 2011 and spanx are sucking your dangly bits into the area where your stomach should be… (nope… never happened to me.. not at all even slightly at all…)
So when your past life is fading into insignificance, the old friends have stop calling, the texts have dried up and the facebook likes are few and far between… remember… for the shitty bits and brilliant bits of Mummyhood alike, you’ve got your #MummyFriends.
(and gin… you’ve also got gin...)
#MummyFriends
#gin
#SylvanianFamilyLabiaHammock
Couldn’t agree more Helen, mummy friends rock! It doesn’t matter how old your children are, having a comrade who knows and feels your pain is what gets you through it. Another blinder from Wally Mummy. Well done m’lady and I LOVE the new look 🙂
ReplyThank you lovely lady! xxx
ReplyThis is so true and has had me giggling away (albeit quietly as everyone else is asleep)! I am sad to say that I was the friend who turned up in the skirt shorter than my vagina and ended up with a very unfortunate nickname as a result. I couldn’t manage without my #mummyfriends. They mean the world to me. Thanks for the reminder of how lucky I am to have them. Hugs Mrs H xxxx
ReplyAwww x glad to hear it xxx
ReplyGreat post and very true. Don’t forget us dads though! We may not have to push a human head through our lower regions, but we too need support etc. I’m becoming a stay at home dad in 1 week and I’m bricking it, a big part being a daddy in a mummy world. Let’s make it #parentfriends 🙂
ReplyHats off to you chap – Have so much respect for SAHDs. Yes – I’m sure that comes with all its own challenges! Good luck with it 😉 x
ReplyGold! Chuckling away into iphone swigging red wine x
ReplyHeehee x thanks hunny! xx
ReplyHa ha this is great. I had some great mummy friends before I moved. Sadly lacking now and even though my kid is now 5 I still think we need them! x
ReplyWe do! It’s true hunny xx
ReplyYes, yes and yes! Couldn’t be without all my mummy friends
ReplyAgreed 😉 they get me through the worst of it! xx
ReplyFab post. Although, somehow, I made it all through parenting without mummy friends! I never did NCT or toddler groups and went back to work when all of my babies were 6 months, so somehow I didn’t have this experience. I know it’s something I missed out on! I made friends with my kids’ best friends’ parents when they started school, though, but too late to talk about poos, weaning and teething!
ReplyYou did amazing without them though clearly! I’m sure playground mummy friends are just as important! xxx
ReplyI found this a really interesting read. I avoid making “mummy friends” like the plague. I much prefer hanging out with my non-mummy friends. Non-mummy friends have so much fun! The idea of mummy-friends makes me squirm uncomfortably. The last thing i want to do at the end of the day is talk about potty training or after school clubs. I want to chill in the pub making crazy plans or go clubbing, to remind me that I’m still me and I’m still in my twenties.
I take my twins to twins club, but immerse myself in my phone as much as possible to avoid having to make small-talk with mummy-types.
ReplyAh babes I think you need both! Plus the mummy friends you do make are the ones on the same wave length as you! But I agree after 7pm any toddler talk is vito-ed for sure! Lol xx
ReplySee one of ur poems on fb and am sooo pleased to see its not just me who has been pushed into referring to my child as a “knob ” coz u know what sometimes they r ! Damn them with there tiny useless hands that can’t pick up there own dummy to stem there insistent screams knob the lot of them ! This is coming from me a exhumed mummy of 6 pass the gin ; )
Replyha! we have all been there lovely 😉 wow – 6 kids… I’ll send the barrel! lol xx #gin
ReplyThanks ironically I don’t drink that much it’s to much like hard work to find a clean glass. I will use the barrel to imobolise my toddler who at this very moment in time insists on riding around I’m the babies walker getting stuck, whinging for me to get him out ,and repeat !
ReplyLol 😉
Replysummed up perfectly, although I real life #mummyfriends are few to me but I have some amazing online ones.
ReplyI seriously don’t think I would have survived to now without them to turn too.
Cheers to that sweetie 😉 xxx
ReplyI say try and just be who you are no need to change just change the way you may have done things before!You just have a new little person who’s attached to you constantly but that’s all cool hey?! Isn’t it? Yes it’s a new life but it’s what we all wanted and love x
ReplyI really miss my NCT #mummyfriends now I’ve gone back to work. We had a brilliant year together with the babies, and wine, lots of wine. Claire x
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