Tomorrow is my birthday and unfortunately it’s a big one (29 plus 1) and as someone who’s not good with birthdays on a standard year, this one is going to be a toughy.
So, just to limit any confusion I’ve decided to outline the things I expect from this birthday:
- For the first time in nearly seven months, I would like to wake up after the sun does.
- I would like to have a bath, not a shower, but a long languishing soak in the tub from which I will emerge when I bloody well feel like it. Without conditioner stuck in my ear and razor burn under my armpits.
- I would like to wear underwear without nursing clips and reacquaint myself with my hairbrush.
- I want to have a conversation in the morning that isn’t about who Wendy the Wide-Mouthed Frog spoke to next in the jungle and talk using my normal adult voice for an entire day.
- I would like to eat with BOTH hands.
- Just for once I want to enter my living room in the morning and not feel like I’ve been slapped in the face by the entire Fisher Price aisle in Toys’R’Us. 24 hours in a neon-plastic-free zone is not that much to ask. Clearly, the jumperoo will have to be dismantled throughout the night by a team of trained professionals.
- No nursery rhymes, no farmyard noises and no In The F-ing Night Garden. Iggle Piggle can suck it.
- I will happily put the pureed sweet potato into the baby, but I’m making it someone else’s responsibility when it comes out the other end.
- I will be drinking at lunchtime. Sorry, FROM lunchtime. In abundance.
- I need everyone to tell me I look young.
- I need to everyone to tell me I look thin.
- I need a lot of cards in which people tell me how young and thin I look.
- I need gifts that help me get drunk, thin and younger – the first person who presents me with a Mothercare babygrow and some nipple cream will be asked to take care of the sweet potato nappy and will then be punched in the eye.
Happy birthday! You look thin and beautiful! Hope it goes to plan.Reply
Thanks! Right now I've had enough wine to believe it 🙂 which is always good I find…Reply
Commiseration…er, I mean happy birthday! And look on the bright side, you only have 18 more years to go before she's off to uni…oh no…don't cry WallyMummy…I didn't mean to…I'm sure it will all be fine…now put the gin down…step away from the gin…do not pick up the gin…
Hope you have a fantastic day and may your wish list come true. 😀Reply
They'll have to prize the gin glass from my cold, dead hand… Lol
As far as wish lists go – I don't make those any more… Because the last one had 'a baby' on it and look how that's turning out… Clearly I am not to be trusted with any kind of decision. JOKE!
Thanks for the b'day wishes 😉 I shall remain just drunk enough to enjoy myself and remember it all day :))) xReply
Happy Bloody Birthday, here’s hoping you manage to achieve all on the list, enjoy! Chin, chinReply
Happy 29+1 birthday (mine is in November!) It’s a scary birthday I hope you can tick everything off your list! I am going to have to write a similar list just so I don’t feel to sad when I turn 29+1!Reply