Sunny Mummy Tanning Time

It’s well known that the UK only gets 7.4* days of actual proper tan-inducing-sun-blasting weather per year. And that these days will only happen when it’s not forecast and your iPhone weather app (yes, the one you’ve checked 46 times an hour since April started) says it’s raining.

Sooooooooo since we’ve already had two days of sun so far this summer, this means there’s not many left and currently I am a huge, wobbly, white mummy-whale-beast running out of tan time…

Never fear though new mums and avid blog followers; I have found a number of ways to maximise my chances of getting a tan without a) frazzling my baby or b) subjecting the public to me in a thong. Phew.

Please see these methods shown in the diagrams below, taking particular note of their lifelike nature and attention to detail:


The Buggy Zombie
The Shade Follower


The Cafe Flasher


The Sideways Sunwalk
The Backdoor Basker
The Back-Bathing Baby Protector


The Unsociable Sun-soak
The ‘It’s Your F-ing Turn Because It’s The F-ing
Weekend and I Need An Hour Off and Some Silence’
Husband Handover


The Social Services Sizzler


*totally random made-up stuff I put in for increased comedic value

One Response

  1. Cat July 3, 2015

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.