An extract from WallyBubba’s diary:
Something very odd is happening today. Mummy used something called an ‘I-On’ to make all my clothes go flatter – trust me when I say this has NEVER happened before. Normally she just pulls the crusty bits off and we get going… Then she laid them all out in little piles??? Perhaps I should be worried.
Note to self: post on twitter later to see if anyone else has experienced this with their mummy. Probably just a growth-spurt or something.
Also – after months of getting my toys strewn around the entire house just the way I like them, Mummy has put half of them in this weird zip-up box thing and the others have disappeared… This has really pissed me off. When will she learn NOT TO TOUCH MY STUFF.
Will have too keep an eye on things tomorrow.
OK – WTF. Seriously. What.The.F@*k.
|First day in Spayne
This is not my bed, not my room, not my house, and everything feels warmer. Granny and some other people are here and apparently we are somewhere called ‘Spayne’ and it’s acceptable for me to wear only a nappy. I feel completely violated.
I’ve checked and the flattened clothes and my toys are here too, so for now I’m going with it. Especially as Granny is far more easily manipulated than Mummy and seems to never get bored of playing with me. I think I can work with this. Can always brew up a Kraken if things get out of hand.
I tried to eat a flip flop and then Mummy fed me this green stuff. If anyone says yum that many times in a row it’s going to make you suspicious. When will she learn this? Quite frankly, I’ve had turds that have tasted better. I spat it in her face and she gave up after a while. Today has been a good day.
Going for a nap now.
Seriously lady it’s THREE hours past my bed time and I’m still up. What the hell is this? If I knew how to operate a phone or what numbers were I would be calling Childline on the neglectful hussy right now.
In other news, Mummy bought me a maraca and let me try something called ice-cream. I don’t think I have EVER loved her as much as right now.
Shitting awesome day today. Mummy and Granny bought me this ring thing, filled it up with Wa-Ter and all my favourite toys and sat me in it for hours. Mummy has redeemed herself for the green stuff from yesterday.
|Best. Day. Ever.
Probably drank a bit too much milk today – really feeling it. Gonna lay off the hard stuff tomorrow. A couple of shots of apple puree should sort me out.
Haven’t seen Upsy Daisy today – I think she’s been hitting the gin again… I’ve asked Iggle Piggle and Pedro the Air-Puppy Duck to have a word.
I’ve noticed Mummy has been sleeping a lot. I don’t remember discussing or agreeing to this so I’ve been micro napping throughout the day to store up energy for the night. Pedro the Air-Puppy Duck is going to wake me at 3am and we are going to light this place up like it’s 1999. Not that I know what that is or means. But basically Mummy is f@*ked.
May have gone in too aggressively with the sleep deprivation… Mummy dressed me like this:
|Umm. I look like a Flamenco twat.
Had to send Iggle Piggle, Pedro the Air-Puppy Duck and Sophie out to search for Upsy Daisy. No-one has seen her for 48 hours and we’re fearing the worst.
No luck with the search for Upsy Daisy. I feel completely responsible. I let her come in the buggy with me and I just lost concentration. If only I’d made her wear a seat-belt this never would have happened…
|Sophie and Pedro took the news hard
Pedro the Air-Puppy Duck has organised a remembrance ceremony for her at bath-time tonight.
Note to self: Facebook the Tombliboos later to let them know.
Mummy has dressed us in matching dresses and sunglasses. We look shitting ridiculous.
|Matching heart sunglasses… *tuts*
We’re on an ‘Air-Plane’ now going home. I was just beginning to relax – it’s true a week is never quite enough. But then two weeks would have been too much… Will have a word with the folks about a 10 day-er next time.
Unleashed the aforementioned ‘Kraken’ just as the fasten seatbelt sign came on for landing. That one was for the Flamenco dress bitch.