An extract from WallyBubba’s diary:
September 11:
Something very odd is happening today. Mummy used something called an ‘I-On’ to make all my clothes go flatter – trust me when I say this has NEVER happened before. Normally she just pulls the crusty bits off and we get going… Then she laid them all out in little piles??? Perhaps I should be worried.
Note to self: post on twitter later to see if anyone else has experienced this with their mummy. Probably just a growth-spurt or something.
Also – after months of getting my toys strewn around the entire house just the way I like them, Mummy has put half of them in this weird zip-up box thing and the others have disappeared… This has really pissed me off. When will she learn NOT TO TOUCH MY STUFF.
Will have too keep an eye on things tomorrow.
September 12:
OK – WTF. Seriously. What.The.F@*k.
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| First day in Spayne |
This is not my bed, not my room, not my house, and everything feels warmer. Granny and some other people are here and apparently we are somewhere called ‘Spayne’ and it’s acceptable for me to wear only a nappy. I feel completely violated.
I’ve checked and the flattened clothes and my toys are here too, so for now I’m going with it. Especially as Granny is far more easily manipulated than Mummy and seems to never get bored of playing with me. I think I can work with this. Can always brew up a Kraken if things get out of hand.
September 13:
I tried to eat a flip flop and then Mummy fed me this green stuff. If anyone says yum that many times in a row it’s going to make you suspicious. When will she learn this? Quite frankly, I’ve had turds that have tasted better. I spat it in her face and she gave up after a while. Today has been a good day.
Going for a nap now.
Seriously lady it’s THREE hours past my bed time and I’m still up. What the hell is this? If I knew how to operate a phone or what numbers were I would be calling Childline on the neglectful hussy right now.
In other news, Mummy bought me a maraca and let me try something called ice-cream. I don’t think I have EVER loved her as much as right now.
September 14:
Shitting awesome day today. Mummy and Granny bought me this ring thing, filled it up with Wa-Ter and all my favourite toys and sat me in it for hours. Mummy has redeemed herself for the green stuff from yesterday.
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| Best. Day. Ever. |
Probably drank a bit too much milk today – really feeling it. Gonna lay off the hard stuff tomorrow. A couple of shots of apple puree should sort me out.
September 15:
Haven’t seen Upsy Daisy today – I think she’s been hitting the gin again… I’ve asked Iggle Piggle and Pedro the Air-Puppy Duck to have a word.
I’ve noticed Mummy has been sleeping a lot. I don’t remember discussing or agreeing to this so I’ve been micro napping throughout the day to store up energy for the night. Pedro the Air-Puppy Duck is going to wake me at 3am and we are going to light this place up like it’s 1999. Not that I know what that is or means. But basically Mummy is f@*ked.
September 16:
May have gone in too aggressively with the sleep deprivation… Mummy dressed me like this:
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| Umm. I look like a Flamenco twat. |
September 17:
Had to send Iggle Piggle, Pedro the Air-Puppy Duck and Sophie out to search for Upsy Daisy. No-one has seen her for 48 hours and we’re fearing the worst.
No luck with the search for Upsy Daisy. I feel completely responsible. I let her come in the buggy with me and I just lost concentration. If only I’d made her wear a seat-belt this never would have happened…
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| Sophie and Pedro took the news hard |
Pedro the Air-Puppy Duck has organised a remembrance ceremony for her at bath-time tonight.
Note to self: Facebook the Tombliboos later to let them know.
September 18:
Mummy has dressed us in matching dresses and sunglasses. We look shitting ridiculous.
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| Matching heart sunglasses… *tuts* |
We’re on an ‘Air-Plane’ now going home. I was just beginning to relax – it’s true a week is never quite enough. But then two weeks would have been too much… Will have a word with the folks about a 10 day-er next time.
Unleashed the aforementioned ‘Kraken’ just as the fasten seatbelt sign came on for landing. That one was for the Flamenco dress bitch.
#mummysaysonlytheGINgotherthrough
#sodoesgranny
#what’sGIN?
Ah, WallyBubba, you and Little Bean must have been comparing notes on how to keep your mummies on their toes. She too has been away, eaten flip flops and decided sleeping through is not for holidays. And she didn't even get a maraca out of it so count yourself lucky. Welcome back – have missed your hugely entertaining posts! 🙂
ReplyAhh – it seems they must have compared notes then! lol x It's nice to be home and back on the old Blogosphere 😉 x
ReplyI love this post. Brilliant!
ReplyWell thank u 😉
Replyi think i've just wet myself! thanks! needed the laugh!
ReplyGlad to have been of service 😉 lol x
ReplyWhat a great post! Made me giggle, so glad you all had a good time and thank god for Gin! X
ReplyYes thank the lord for gin and it's magic powers… Lol x
ReplyJust properly laughed out loud reading this and my 4yo require an explanation. I'm glad she couldn't read all the words just yet! lol
Brilliant blog – thank you. 🙂
ReplyOoh yes… I'm probably a little X-rated for under 5's :))) lol x thanks for reading! xxx
ReplyGenius!
ReplyWell ta 😉 *blushes* xxx
ReplyThis is actually hilarious! I did laugh out loud at the sunglasses shot. I trust you are now putting away the I-On until next year? Brilliant!
ReplyLol 😉 I'm not sure I'll bother with the I-On ever again. Was always over-rated 😉 xxx matching outfits are defo the way forward :))) x
ReplyWhat can I say? Other than that I loved this post! 🙂
ReplyCheers ;)))) x Glad you enjoyed it so much! xxx
ReplyLove it
Reply:)))
ReplyBloody funny, my little friend, once again. You and I must have words 😀
ReplyAlways for words for you :))) x
ReplyThat is great, laughing my head off and explaining why to hubby x
ReplyLOL… men…pah! :0) x
ReplyHilarious post! Loved it. Have to agree, the day I first tried ice-cream is the day I loved my mummy most, too. I'm afraid I quite like your matching sunglasses 🙂
ReplyYou and my LO could be ice-cream friends then! lol 🙂 …and at least someone likes the sunglasses :))) x
ReplyHilarious post- and it is true about holidaying with babies- it is a bit of a stress. We just went to Spain for the week and although we kept to the same sleep routine, it wasn't like sunbathing on a beach and relaxing like we used too!
Thanks for coming to visit my blog btw!
Replyxx
Love a bit of blog sharing… U r right – Spain is just not the same with a baby (it's shit) x
ReplyOMG this is such a fantastic post!You should write a book! Hilarious, thank you 😀
ReplyLol x thanx!
ReplyHehe love it x
ReplyThanks! 🙂 xxx
ReplyOh my lol, love it!!
ReplyThe green stuff and saying 'yum' too many times – so right I give myself away like this too and 'shitting ridiculous' you're are star and have blogging nailed for one so young 😉 xx
Well cheers 😉 lol x
ReplySounds like Spay-ne was lovely! teehee, love the matching sunnies x
Replywell thanx 😉 we actually had a pretty good time 😛 xxx
Reply