When ‘fitting in’ with the #nurserymummies, there’s a certain etiquette to be adhered to… *coughs* learnt that one the hard way……. so for all you folks starting your little ones at nursery in 2014… here’s a handy set of ‘Don’ts‘ along with some ‘Really Shitting DON’Ts‘ to get you started:
Don’t:
Arrive wearing pyjamas. (Includes onesies. APPARENTLY.)
Leave your buggy uncollapsed… unless you like your tyres slashed and your cup-holder bent the wrong way…
Swear a lot and make casual conversation about botched fanny stitches. Even though you think you’re HILARIOUS.
Drink gin and smoke* at the entrance.
*includes crack
Arrive with a taser.
Bring your cat.
Pick the crispy bits off your leggings in the lobby…
Make gender assumptions. Or, over compensate by referring to any child as ‘it’.
Shout ‘BUNDDDLLLLLEEE’ from the bottom of the stairs. Whilst clothes-lining an unexpectant Granddad.
Trip up little ‘Emelia*’ as she prances out in her Gucci one-piece. And then spit/stamp on her.
*names may have been changed for legal reasons…
Lick any children that don’t belong to you.
Eat the glue. Or smear it over your face.
Start a rumour about how you saw some of the children forming a rebel alliance and escaping in a bin.
Say you’re married to Chuck Norris. (Unless you are.)
Steal* shoes….
*Get caught stealing
Ask if anyone fancies going to the pub for happy hour…?
Brush anyone’s hair. They don’t like that.
Ride your toddler home.
Ride someone else’s toddler home. (probably worse)
#toddleriding
#botchedfannystitches
#gin
You are hilarious .
ReplyAdd one to that list Don't buy a car off one of the dads who is a used cars salesman and were a cat on his head.
LMAO… consider that noted 😉 lol xxx
ReplyThink you forgot "just don't speak to ANYONE"…that's probably best for us 😉
ReplyYou're probably right… *sniggers* :))
ReplyI don't get it – whats wrong with asking if anyone wants to go to happy hour?!? #normal
ReplyGuess that proves that you'd be the one that said yes! #chestbump lol xxx
ReplyI think you NEED to start up your own chain of nurseries 🙂
ReplyFuck yes. WallyMummy's Gin Shack! (and daycare a bit or something…) 🙂 x
ReplyWHY DON'T YOU GO TO MY DAYCARE? Seriously. I would do all of those things with you. There is power in numbers. We could change the world.
ReplyHa! Maybe I do…. *does slightly weird mystical shaky hands thingy* LMAO x thanks for reading xxx
ReplyMwhahahah! I reckon a few would be up for some of this stuff, would be a right laugh. Going to the pub is compulsory isn't it…please say yes, purlleeeaaaaseeeee! x
ReplyYes. It's the LAW! ( in my head) *sniggers* thanks for commenting lovely xxx
ReplyFor some reason I have always found botched fanny stitches as the perfect conversation opener followed by asking them to sniff the crispy bits of your leggings. I will be giggling at the nursery doors tomorrow haha. Xxx
ReplyOh yeah me too 😉 So lucky you found this post to point you in the right direction! lol xx
ReplyHaha!! Oh god, I start this next month. Should I be scared?
Replyhaha! No just follow the tips and you will be FINE… LMAO xx
ReplyGreat tips! I 'may' have been caught out on the gender assumption one once or twice…!
ReplyHa 😉 happens to the best of us… lol x Thanks for the comment 🙂 xxx
ReplyDon't all leggings come with crusty bits on them? Mine certainly do…Very funny post 🙂
ReplyThat's what I tell myself… same applies to onesies and vest tops too… :))) #mummyhood x
ReplyDoes that mean I should stop going in wearing my sock slippers and my husband's crocks?
ReplyOh no 😉 that's absolutely fine :)) x lol! xx
ReplyWow couldvve done with this earlier, daughters first day at nursery and made a joke to one of the ladies about nurseries should have slumber parties so parents can visit the pub and hmmmm lead balloon comes to mind!
Replyoooh awkward…. lol! xxx
ReplyThis is truly hilarious (I didn't think anyone else knew about the crusty bits on leggings!!) Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x
Replylol x I sort of thought I had invented it… LMAO x #PoCoLo xx
ReplyMust stop riding toddler home
Reply