I’m bastard-well proud of my Mummyhood body,
It’s wobbly and wonky and flabby.
It’s fair to say my trunk, is carrying a little too much junk,
But overall I don’t feel too shabby.
My hips have spread,
my boobs are dead,
and my bum’s more a pasty than peach.
My hair’s like straw,
my feet are still sore,
and my cellulite starts at my knees.
My wrists don’t work,
I’m too stiff to twerk,
I look like I’ve been punched in both eyes.
My waist has gone,
I can no longer wear a thong,
there’s some serious thunder in my thighs.
Praise be to spanx,
I owe you many thanks,
for hiding my muffin top in my vagina. (or something)
My tum takes too much room,
but it’s better than my womb;
it’s fair to say it’s hardly ‘designer’…
My back bloody aches,
my hair colour’s a mistake,
my stretch-marks come out in the sun.
Everything sags,
including my eye-bags,
It ALL points south once you’re a mum.
But I’m still shitting proud of my Mummyhood body,
With its battle-scars and lumpy bits all in.
It’s curvy and quirky and some parts flap in the wind,
And mostly I’m held together with gin*.*gin and cake and gin
#MummyhoodBody
#gincakegin
#gin
Love this although rather worried about the muffin tops in your vagina thing!
Replypahaha x well… it's gotta go somewhere right… lol x
ReplyBrilliant! X
ReplyHa 😉 thanks! Xxx
ReplyI still blame my 4 kids for the state of my body, but the baby is 23 now, so I think it's time to start blaming something else – probably chocolate and beer.
ReplyJoy x x
Ha 😉 good plan x when u look there really always is someone else to blame for everything…. Lol xxx
ReplyLove it! I am equally proud of my mama body, despite the shock of baring my apparently see-through legs today on this rare sunny day…! x
ReplyI slapped fake tan on mine this week… they're so pale they can't actually be seen in some lights… lol x
ReplyAwesome! Sooo funny and spot on. Well written. x
ReplyThank you lovely! xx
ReplyI'm still blaming the child after 8 years not the chocolate I shovel down at all! Brill post x
ReplyI will still be blaming her when she's 8 too… heehee xx
Reply