I’m bastard-well proud of my Mummyhood body,
It’s wobbly and wonky and flabby.
It’s fair to say my trunk, is carrying a little too much junk,
But overall I don’t feel too shabby.
My hips have spread,
my boobs are dead,
and my bum’s more a pasty than peach.
My hair’s like straw,
my feet are still sore,
and my cellulite starts at my knees.
My wrists don’t work,
I’m too stiff to twerk,
I look like I’ve been punched in both eyes.
My waist has gone,
I can no longer wear a thong,
there’s some serious thunder in my thighs.
Praise be to spanx,
I owe you many thanks,
for hiding my muffin top in my vagina. (or something)
My tum takes too much room,
but it’s better than my womb;
it’s fair to say it’s hardly ‘designer’…
My back bloody aches,
my hair colour’s a mistake,
my stretch-marks come out in the sun.
including my eye-bags,
It ALL points south once you’re a mum.
But I’m still shitting proud of my Mummyhood body,
With its battle-scars and lumpy bits all in.
It’s curvy and quirky and some parts flap in the wind,
And mostly I’m held together with gin*.*gin and cake and gin
Love this although rather worried about the muffin tops in your vagina thing!Reply
pahaha x well… it's gotta go somewhere right… lol xReply
Ha 😉 thanks! XxxReply
I still blame my 4 kids for the state of my body, but the baby is 23 now, so I think it's time to start blaming something else – probably chocolate and beer.Reply
Joy x x
Ha 😉 good plan x when u look there really always is someone else to blame for everything…. Lol xxxReply
Love it! I am equally proud of my mama body, despite the shock of baring my apparently see-through legs today on this rare sunny day…! xReply
I slapped fake tan on mine this week… they're so pale they can't actually be seen in some lights… lol xReply
Awesome! Sooo funny and spot on. Well written. xReply
Thank you lovely! xxReply
I'm still blaming the child after 8 years not the chocolate I shovel down at all! Brill post xReply
I will still be blaming her when she's 8 too… heehee xxReply