During my two years in the blogosphere,
I’ve seen things that’ll make you cry.
From projectile vom over Tree Fu Tom,
To my toddler punching an Alsatian in the eye.
![](https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-6uqPn7NeqGc/U1YyhbNS22I/AAAAAAAABm8/qty-MxwK97s/s200/blogger-image--665375342.jpg)
The WallyBubba was practically a newborn,
When I started ranting away on the net.
She was the size of shoe, producing vast amounts of poo,
Her only hobbies were shitting and reflux roulette.
![](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ozN8sC5UwoA/U1Yyfk3SPRI/AAAAAAAABm0/C0ccLZ_u-zc/s200/blogger-image-1746669004.jpg)
Then came the era of the Jumperoo,
That giant plastic bastard saved my life.
It helped me get through teething, and the wanker that is weaning,
I still flinch cutting-up spag-bol with a knife.
![](https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-CCUXrNvqKrM/U1YyjRvEgbI/AAAAAAAABnE/v12O14gE30Y/s200/blogger-image--1268440715.jpg)
Nothing could prepare me for toddler-dome,
When it starts moving and becoming a walker.
It’s the point you begin, to find a new friend called gin.
And you can’t take a piss without a 2ft stalker.
![](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-nSuFwftaFbM/U1Yydg3aKcI/AAAAAAAABms/bkywC00ilPM/s200/blogger-image--109466082.jpg)
Soon they begin talking right back at you,
Picking up every bugger, every arse, every c@*t.
The problem with toddlers, is they’re right little meddlers,
They make it bloody hard to be the parent that you want.
![](https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-HUHD8hlUeps/U1Y0EYnuKDI/AAAAAAAABng/XwjqPNYw3yY/s200/blogger-image--382200918.jpg)
By two I’d say life is pretty much over.
Your home is just a marmite/play-doh mess.
All you do is shout ‘NO!’, ‘don’t touch that!’ and ‘time to go!’,
You long to wear matching underwear and occasionally say ‘yes’…
![](https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-W4BacEfumi4/U1Y0NJTqDpI/AAAAAAAABno/XqkHfGa0wFo/s200/blogger-image-56236289.jpg)
So thank you for my two years in the blogosphere,
For laughing and supporting me through thick and thin*,
Here’s to a few more years, of crusty leggings and 3am tears,
And only surviving parenthood thanks to gin.
![](https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/--k0hKOXkdcM/U1YylLUxSuI/AAAAAAAABnM/Q_Y-ILYbYCE/s200/blogger-image-1569214641.jpg)
#gin
#twoyearblogiversary
#twoyearsofgin
*By thin, I mean I know how to take a good selfie and instagram has got my back.
I’m up for Most Entertaining Blog in this year’s MAD Blog Awards so if you like what your read, please take a few seconds to vote for me! Voting closes at midnight on 24th April.
Just click on the badge below to go to the site and place you vote for JUST A NORMAL MUMMY in the Most Entertaining Category:
![MAD Blog Awards MAD Blog Awards](http://www.the-mads.com/badges/badge5.jpg)
Brilliant as always! Good luck with the MADS, popping over to vote for you now 🙂 xx
ReplyThank you so much! 😉 xxx
Replyha ha brilliant – here is to more years of gin fueled parenting/blogging 🙂
ReplyCheers lovely 😉 *tips cap* xx
Replyhahaha!! Brilliant!!
ReplyGood luck with the MADS x
Heehee 😉 Thank you xxx
ReplyTotally! I'm fed right up of repeating, 'no', 'don't do that', 'if you don't, then I'll…..'
The maniacally laugh when we're in a face-off is practically hilarious, too!
Good luck with the awards!
ReplyI know – I'm a broken record with mine! lol x Thank you xxx
ReplyHappy blogoversary and good luck in the MADs! I'll see you there again 🙂
ReplyThanks! Yes – see you there ;))) x
ReplyCongratulations on your 2 year bloggerversary. You crack me up ALL the time. Cannot believe it took having a baby for you to be introduced to Gin though!!!!!!! #latestarter !!!!! xx whatsthestory #magicmoments
ReplyHa 😉 I always drank it occasionally but it came into full force once the dark destroyer arrived… lol xx
ReplyHappy Bloggerversary!! Your blog really is entertaining. Best of luck in the Mads 🙂
ReplyAwww x thanks lovely 🙂 xxx
ReplyHappy blog anniversary! Great poem, and best of luck at the MADS 🙂
ReplyThank you! xxx *crosses everything* xx
ReplyNeed to start drinking gin 😉
Reply*sniggers and passes Hendricks* :))) x
ReplyHilarious! Congratulations on your blogaversary. I shall raise a martini in your honor as I vote for your blog.
ReplyAnd I shall take your martini and raise you a gin 😉 Thank you! :))) xxx
ReplyAwesome! LOVE that pic of her in the tutu skirt looking not quite as angelic as the skirt merits 😉
Replyhaha 😉 she an expert at that xx
ReplyI just had to explain ŵhy I was laughing so much! Congratulations and here's to many more!
ReplyKate x
Just Pirouette and Carry On…
ha! I'll drink to that 😉 *clink* cheers lovely :)))) xxx
ReplyI had gin to celebrate your bloggiversary. Oh, let's be honest, I was just thirsty. I adore the pic of her crying in the tutu. #wotsofunee
ReplyI know I can always count on you 😉 #suchateamplayer lol xx
ReplyHa, love it! First time I've seen the c word in a poem, ha ha! Love the 2ft stalker bit. Good luck in the MADS, I shall furnish you with a blogversary beverage at the Brits x
ReplyWhat can I say… life on the mummy-blogging edge 🙂 lol x See you at Britmums! xx
ReplyAwesome poem and as funny as always. Love the photos too, just brilliant. Best of luck in the MAD's lovely, I shall see you there or hopefully before if we have a jolly! Thanks for sharing with #whatsthestory
ReplyThanks, yes I shall see you there one way or the other! 😉 x
ReplyOh pants – meant to say Happy Blogiversary too #sendsgin
ReplyCheers lovely #acceptsgin 🙂
ReplyBrilliant poem – great work! Happy blogiversary. I also have a two year old so I'm with you.
ReplyHa 😉 We're all in it together… *sobs and passes gin* lol xx
ReplyHappy 2 years blogging! Fantastic poem! 🙂 x
Replyheehee x thank you! 😉 xx
ReplyFirst time reading your blog (nothing like getting to the party late) – guess I best settle down with a cupp and read a few more of your posts as this one brought a smile to my face so I am sure others will too!
ReplyYay thanks! So glad you did stop by 😉 hope you enjoy xxx
ReplyHappy 2 years!! Love the poem 🙂 x
ReplyThank you xxx
Replythis so made me laugh!
thanks for linking up with #MagicMoments
p.s good luck with the MADs x
ReplyHeehee x thank you :))) x
ReplyAm now at the 'No!' stage! I'd love to be able to say yes every now and again!
ReplyJust once would be lovely wouldn't it…. *sighs* 🙂 x
ReplyWow, who knew the C word could sound so poetic? Awesome !
ReplyHa 😉 I just have a way of saying these things… Lol xx
Reply