During my two years in the blogosphere,
I’ve seen things that’ll make you cry.
From projectile vom over Tree Fu Tom,
To my toddler punching an Alsatian in the eye.
The WallyBubba was practically a newborn,
When I started ranting away on the net.
She was the size of shoe, producing vast amounts of poo,
Her only hobbies were shitting and reflux roulette.
Then came the era of the Jumperoo,
That giant plastic bastard saved my life.
It helped me get through teething, and the wanker that is weaning,
I still flinch cutting-up spag-bol with a knife.
Nothing could prepare me for toddler-dome,
When it starts moving and becoming a walker.
It’s the point you begin, to find a new friend called gin.
And you can’t take a piss without a 2ft stalker.
Soon they begin talking right back at you,
Picking up every bugger, every arse, every [email protected]*t.
The problem with toddlers, is they’re right little meddlers,
They make it bloody hard to be the parent that you want.
By two I’d say life is pretty much over.
Your home is just a marmite/play-doh mess.
All you do is shout ‘NO!’, ‘don’t touch that!’ and ‘time to go!’,
You long to wear matching underwear and occasionally say ‘yes’…
So thank you for my two years in the blogosphere,
For laughing and supporting me through thick and thin*,
Here’s to a few more years, of crusty leggings and 3am tears,
And only surviving parenthood thanks to gin.
*By thin, I mean I know how to take a good selfie and instagram has got my back.
I’m up for Most Entertaining Blog in this year’s MAD Blog Awards so if you like what your read, please take a few seconds to vote for me! Voting closes at midnight on 24th April.
Just click on the badge below to go to the site and place you vote for JUST A NORMAL MUMMY in the Most Entertaining Category:
Brilliant as always! Good luck with the MADS, popping over to vote for you now 🙂 xxReply
Thank you so much! 😉 xxxReply
ha ha brilliant – here is to more years of gin fueled parenting/blogging 🙂Reply
Cheers lovely 😉 *tips cap* xxReply
Good luck with the MADS x
Heehee 😉 Thank you xxxReply
Totally! I'm fed right up of repeating, 'no', 'don't do that', 'if you don't, then I'll…..'
The maniacally laugh when we're in a face-off is practically hilarious, too!
Good luck with the awards!Reply
I know – I'm a broken record with mine! lol x Thank you xxxReply
Happy blogoversary and good luck in the MADs! I'll see you there again 🙂Reply
Thanks! Yes – see you there ;))) xReply
Congratulations on your 2 year bloggerversary. You crack me up ALL the time. Cannot believe it took having a baby for you to be introduced to Gin though!!!!!!! #latestarter !!!!! xx whatsthestory #magicmomentsReply
Ha 😉 I always drank it occasionally but it came into full force once the dark destroyer arrived… lol xxReply
Happy Bloggerversary!! Your blog really is entertaining. Best of luck in the Mads 🙂Reply
Awww x thanks lovely 🙂 xxxReply
Happy blog anniversary! Great poem, and best of luck at the MADS 🙂Reply
Thank you! xxx *crosses everything* xxReply
Need to start drinking gin 😉Reply
*sniggers and passes Hendricks* :))) xReply
Hilarious! Congratulations on your blogaversary. I shall raise a martini in your honor as I vote for your blog.Reply
And I shall take your martini and raise you a gin 😉 Thank you! :))) xxxReply
Awesome! LOVE that pic of her in the tutu skirt looking not quite as angelic as the skirt merits 😉Reply
haha 😉 she an expert at that xxReply
I just had to explain ŵhy I was laughing so much! Congratulations and here's to many more!Reply
Just Pirouette and Carry On…
ha! I'll drink to that 😉 *clink* cheers lovely :)))) xxxReply
I had gin to celebrate your bloggiversary. Oh, let's be honest, I was just thirsty. I adore the pic of her crying in the tutu. #wotsofuneeReply
I know I can always count on you 😉 #suchateamplayer lol xxReply
Ha, love it! First time I've seen the c word in a poem, ha ha! Love the 2ft stalker bit. Good luck in the MADS, I shall furnish you with a blogversary beverage at the Brits xReply
What can I say… life on the mummy-blogging edge 🙂 lol x See you at Britmums! xxReply
Awesome poem and as funny as always. Love the photos too, just brilliant. Best of luck in the MAD's lovely, I shall see you there or hopefully before if we have a jolly! Thanks for sharing with #whatsthestoryReply
Thanks, yes I shall see you there one way or the other! 😉 xReply
Oh pants – meant to say Happy Blogiversary too #sendsginReply
Cheers lovely #acceptsgin 🙂Reply
Brilliant poem – great work! Happy blogiversary. I also have a two year old so I'm with you.Reply
Ha 😉 We're all in it together… *sobs and passes gin* lol xxReply
Happy 2 years blogging! Fantastic poem! 🙂 xReply
heehee x thank you! 😉 xxReply
First time reading your blog (nothing like getting to the party late) – guess I best settle down with a cupp and read a few more of your posts as this one brought a smile to my face so I am sure others will too!Reply
Yay thanks! So glad you did stop by 😉 hope you enjoy xxxReply
Happy 2 years!! Love the poem 🙂 xReply
Thank you xxxReply
this so made me laugh!
thanks for linking up with #MagicMoments
p.s good luck with the MADs xReply
Heehee x thank you :))) xReply
Am now at the 'No!' stage! I'd love to be able to say yes every now and again!Reply
Just once would be lovely wouldn't it…. *sighs* 🙂 xReply
Wow, who knew the C word could sound so poetic? Awesome !Reply
Ha 😉 I just have a way of saying these things… Lol xxReply