Believe me, this was not my plan…
No matter how much I rub and squirt,
The lotion’s just repelled by her perma-dirt.
I put on a t-shirt, she rips it off,
Along with her nappy right down to her crocs.
She’s like a naked turdy missile seeking the sun,
The only thing that’s white is her little toddler bum.
Hats are a universal toddler conspiracy,
Sent by the Parenting Gods, just to to take the piss out of me.
I’ve tried caps, velcro straps, even a bastard panama…
She only keeps one on when she’s posing for a shitting camera.
I douse her in ’50’, I don’t miss a spot,
But I’ve still ended up with a teak-coloured tot.
I should be upset, but all I can do is whine…
Now her bloody tan lines are better than mine!
So shit. The toddlers got a tan.
I admit I’m the world’s worst SPF-wingman.
‘I am the twatty failure of an angry lotion monitor’,
And I’d literally tear out a kidney for a large gin and tonica.
p.s. Crazily enough, my little blog has been nominated for two awards! If you’ve got a few seconds to vote for Just a Normal Mummy I’d be so grateful!
You can vote for me in’Best Family Blog’ (category 13) here:
….and… ‘Best Preschool Blog’ (3rd down) here:
Thank you! xx
I love this! It's hilarious!!! xxReply
*sniggers* thanks love xxReply
Haha! This is fantastic, don't worry though as long as she's not burntReply
ha – she's nice and folder like a little turkey :)) lol xReply
Hahha that's brilliant!! XReply
ha! Thank you lovely xxReply
Ha ha ha ha absolutely brilliant xReply
cheers misses :)) xReply
Have shared this on my page but not before laughing at it several times!Reply
aww x thanks lovely 😉 heehee xxxReply
Hahaha loved this!Reply
Hahaa mine looks like he's just rolled around in dirt a fair bit.Reply
hahaha x that has helped to deepen the colour this end! lol x #toddlerdirtReply
Love it! Doing the (loco)lotion should be easy and straight forward…but as with everything, when it involves the kids it never is!Reply
well indeed! Slippery little buggers 🙂Reply
Come on your just jealous! 😉
P.s mine would never tan. Way too white but burn looks a million times worse! XReply
It's true… I am! lol xReply
Aw bless you – at least someone's happy 🙂Reply
:))) she is a smiley little tanned one! xReply
How do you get some of those words to rhyme? Genius! Really funny as always x xReply
hey – it just comes to me with the gin haze… lol xReply
Bahahaha this is fantastic! I'm sharing this on my Facebook page right now!Reply
Haha x thank you! 😉 xxxReply
Love this! My little man has perma tan arms because he is constantly outside but I feel terrible as he has really obvious tan lines. I do put lotion on him, honestly! xxReply
Heehee x me too! She doesn't burn but she is distinctly golden! Lol xxxReply
Love it! Although I am now fearful of next summer!Reply