Flashing some belly…?
Exposing some baby-harnessing exterior uterus flesh…?
I’m not suggesting skimpy swimwear as the attire of choice for all weathers, supermarket trips and the occasional wedding/christening, but whilst on the beach… by the pool… chilling with a alcohol-free ceveza *lets out a small alcohol-free wail* on a sun lounger… what is the big deal?
For the first time since I had stomach muscles (And a functioning pelvic floor. And a sensibly proportioned labia. Oh the memories…) I can don swimwear without having to suck in the stretch-marked bi-product of my first womb invader. I can position myself on a sun-bed without having to first work out the exact trajectory where my rolls of tummy flab will be least offensive and my boobs are at an adequate hoisted level so as not to put my entire torso in shade. Frankly, it’s liberating.
I’d be sunbathing bastard-well topless except that a courtesy of a Spanish mosquito my right breast now has what looks like an additional nipple, and I’m fairly sure no-one can handle the sight of my flappy mozzy-bitten preggo-bangers down at the beach bar and enjoy their calamari without wincing. So I’ll save them that experience… And believe me when I say anything other than vertical means enough side boob for everybody. Ample armpit breasts for everyone. EVERY. ONE.
Also. Not in anyway related to this post but if I see one more f@*king loomband minion on Instagram I will be forced to stab out my own eyes. Just so you all know.
#unleashthebump
#preggobangers
#bumpbumpbump
I think pregnancy was the only time I've been comfortable in a bikini since before having kids. Get that belly out with pride! x
Replytoo right 😉 #bumpsout :))) x
ReplyHa ha brilliant. There is something really satisfying about having a rock hard bump, no rolls, no squish.
Replyyes – fat but flat…? lol xx
ReplyI absolutely love this post! Hilarious and oh so true!!
Replyheehee x thank you my lovely! xx
ReplyHahaha! So true 🙂 I miss my pregnancy bangers 🙁 xx
Replyha – I've got more than enough for both of us if you want some… lol x
ReplyLove this! The only time I ever felt confident and sexy in a bikini was when I was six months old. I rocked it too! Do it! KG x
Replywoohoo! you go lady :)) xx
ReplyYou go girl! I love this. Mostly because, after three beasts of babies, I am now the owner of a stomach resembling a deflated balloon. I've hung up the bikini in favour of the 'mumsuit'. How i wish i had flaunted it when i could! 🙂 Hope you are well luvvie, and having a great hol! xx
ReplyI will be back to the mum suit soon… but until then! Bumps out and proud! lol x
ReplyHaha love it! If I didn't look like a beached whale, I would have worn a bikini 🙂 x
ReplyI do look like a beached whale… but a roll-free one so I'm rocking it! lol x
ReplySadly I have NEVER been a bikin type of girl, let alone with a 24 week bump! But you go for it- you can bare the bump for me instead 😀 x x x
ReplyI will rock it for us both :)) x
Reply🙂 🙂 🙂
This made me laugh so much – womb invader, preggo bangers, poking vagina back into your shorts.
As always brilliant 😉
ReplyI like to think I offer a bit of everything… 🙂 lol
Reply