Welcome to the land of preggo-insomnia,
Where things are sweatier,
and hungrier,
and sometimes extra vomit-ier.
Night times are spent rolling in a stuffy duvet spin;
one leg out…
one leg in…
it won’t f@*king matter until you’re thin.
The second you get comfortable,
your bladder decides it’s full,
Then your tiny vagina-passenger
punches the shit out of your uterus-wall.
It seems there’s no position
where your body will let you sleep,
With itching bits,
humungo-tits,
leg cramps and tingly feet.
Your easiest option is left hand side
and even that’s a chore,
As you sit awake for hours
watching your bastard husband snore…
So welcome to the joys of preggo-insomnia,
With its nightmares,
and its panicking,
and occasional hypochondria.
You may just have to face it;
you just can’t f@*king win,
So suck it up and focus on that first post-natal gin.
#preggosomnia
#postnatalgin
#vaginapassenger
#gin
pssst… for any of you lovely pregnant ladies – Mumsnet is launching Bumpfest on 27th September; it’s first annual one-day event for all things birth and baby. Click through for info and ticket details.
You are not making me broody! Fab poem as always. Hope you are coping o.k. xx
ReplyI'm not really making myself broody… lol xx
ReplyI was SO lucky not to get insomnia – sorry that doesn't help does it. Promise to buy you a nice double when i see you on the other side though 🙂 x
ReplyCall it a triple and I'm there 😉 x
ReplyHaha great poem – although I was already over having children. Hope it gets better soon – or that you have plenty of gin.
ReplyI like to think I juts reinforce the point really… lol! x
ReplyOh god bab – have you ever had restless leg syndrome??? URGH! Horrif. I know I do keep saying it but being preggers? Awful! Bar the baby bit. They are a bit cute xxx
ReplyThat sounds totally grim… they are kinda cute sometimes right 😉 xx
ReplyOh no, the baby insomnia has already kicked in?! It really is one of the worst things about being pregnant isn't it…..ONE! And I am living with a snorer, sometimes, I have to restrain myself from stabbing him in the night!
ReplyIt's so shit. I actually dread going to bed sometimes… weird right… eurgh :/
ReplyI'm right there with you every leg in, leg out of the way! I wish I could give my snoring hubby just one of the nasties of pregnancy.. deciding which one is a great way of occupying the midnight hours 😉 xx
ReplyI make mine sleep in the spare room if it gets really bad… if only they knew…. *sighs* x
ReplyHa ha you need to put the Faithless Insomina track on this poem. On another note do they let blokes come to bumpfest if they have a pot belly 😉
ReplyOh yeah totally – 50% off entry I say! heehee 😉
ReplyHaha I remember this well. Oh the joys of having babies, how lucky us ladies are…I suppose! X
ReplyYes. I'm trying to remind myself of that! Heehee xx
ReplyI never have to be pregnant again. Yea! Being pregnant sucks! Oh, wait, sorry, um, at least you will have a sweet little baby soon. 🙂
ReplyOh yeah… There is that! Lol xx
ReplyAh yes, really does make you wonder why you're doing it, but then the baby at the end is kinda cute, although sadly you don't get any more sleep once they arrive… 🙂
ReplyRight now… I'd cut out a kidney for a decent night's sleep! Xx
ReplyGosh how I remember those times and am very pleased to say never again… but it will be worth it in the end. mich x
ReplyLet's hope so :))) xx
ReplyI swear to all the Gods, with every single one I was begging for them to be born towards the end mainly because of the lack of sleep. That was the killer and I slept better with a small person beside me than inside me every single time.
ReplyPerfect the art of falling asleep sitting on the sofa appearing to watch telly – sometimes you can catch 25 minutes while something shit is on, and no-one even notices 😉
I think the novelty has worn off now I'm on my second! I just want it over 😉 lol xx
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