Things you should never give a toddler

A biro. 
The suncream.
A pop-up book. (nothing will ‘pop up’ in quite the same way ever again…)
Or any book you enjoy with the pages attached to the spine in their current order.
Meatballs. (Or any of the Italian sauce-based meat dishes. Not if you like your furniture anyway…)
Time alone… *whispers* that’s how things get dead…
Your Facebook log-in details. Toddler fraping is no joke.
Any sign of weakness.
Or embarrassment…
Or relaxation… that’s when they are most likely to attack…
Unlabelled foreign sweets. We all know why. Everyone remembers the day her tongue turned blue and she didn’t stop dancing for four hours on holiday… naked… even though there wasn’t any music…
Tissue paper.
Their freedom.
Anything made of glass, ceramics or skin (includes pets).
In fact, ANYTHING you prefer in it’s current state. If only someone has told you that before you let them travel into this world via your vagina, eh.
And most importantly never, ever, EVER let them hold their own toothbrush or the Calpol syringe… once you’ve gone there, there’s no hope for you… no going back… only gin can save you then…  



  1. Kim Carberry August 1, 2013
    • Wally Mummy August 1, 2013
  2. Emma x August 1, 2013
    • Wally Mummy August 2, 2013
  3. Josanne Kane August 2, 2013
    • Wally Mummy August 2, 2013
  4. hurrahforgin August 5, 2013
    • Wally Mummy August 5, 2013
  5. Leyla Brooke August 5, 2013
    • Wally Mummy August 5, 2013
  6. Wally Mummy August 5, 2013

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