Week 25.
*Entering the home straight… darker, cakier times*
It’s day 175 and I’ve begun eating cake before 10am… And by 10am, I mean continuously. With no hands. And just my face. (and by cake I mean left over pizza and/or chocolate…)
The toddler isn’t being helpful. Mostly, she’s ‘blacking up’ with Weetabix and sneaking up on our cats with glitter glue while I cry into a chocolate twist dreaming of thin-ier, gin-ier times…
Yes. It’s fair to say things are beginning to go downhill.
After the short-lived joys of the second trimester (my nails grew a bit and I could walk without looking like a foetus was about to fall out of my vagina at any second) I’m now entering the glamorous world of bacne, pubic/leg hair I could French Plait from my belly button to my ankle, and my husband only wanting to have sex with me with the lights dimmed and one eye open sort of squinting in another direction… That’s right folks. I’ve almost hit the third trimester.
The interesting thing about a second pregnancy is that other than your direct family and a few select friends you emotionally blackmail and give cake to, NO-ONE GIVES A SHIT. Your friends stop calling, the Facebook likes for your posts about cankles and tingly finger tips have wilted into obscurity and Instagram does not have any love for your restless leg syndrome… So what if your uterus is releasing another human being, social media simply does not give a f@*k second time around while there are videos of cats and ice-bucket-challenges to look at.
It also doesn’t help that instead of doing pilates, eating bulgar wheat and keeping on top of the housework as I promised myself I would second time around, I’ve been ordering pizza, occasionally rolling to the kitchen to get more ice-cream/another pie, and occasionally tipping bleach down a toilet… On the plus side, the toddler has become completely independent and now knows how to operate the DVD player, flush the toilet and order her own personal cheese pizza through the Dominos app on the iPad…
#winning… Sadly she’s also taken to shitting underneath the dining room table and prodding it with a Barbie, but you can’t have everything can you…
So.
There it is.
My second pregnancy and all its joys so far. It’s not been beautiful, I have picked up a lot of pre-dinner toddler logs and for anyone who was thinking of asking, YES I’M F@*KING SURE IT’S NOT TWINS BUT THANK YOU FOR THAT SENSITIVE AND HIGHLY ORIGINAL COMMENT.
*clears throat and regains composure while eating another Twix*
Yep. I’m just going to have to face it; it’s just me, my dodgy pelvic floor and mid morning cake-pizza now.
xxx
#midmorningcakepizza
#gintimes
#3rdtrimester
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I think you are doing this correctly. I did it this way…. and hooray for toddler independence, even if it does involve poop. Restless legs are a bitch, I had that – a damp towel round your legs at night works apparently. (It never worked for me, but worth a go.)
Are you sure it's not twins?
How long have you got to go?
You'll not go much longer…
BLABLABLABLABLABLA.
Ha – love your pregnancy blog posts, they are funny but I do feel your pain. NO MORE KIDS FOR US 🙂
ReplyOh yes – I've totally nailed it :)) lol x
ReplySoooooo all is going well then? 😉 oh gosh, I do want to be oregnant a second time and all this is giving me visions of what it could all look like. The face in cake actually sounds pretty fab though. Hang in there …"not long now" (I know I know, please don't punch me!)
Replyheehee 😉 *feels sudden need for a stiff drink* x
This made me properly laugh! Thank you for being so honest, I'm 19 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I'm already feel like I want to punch anyone in the face who tries to give me 'advice'. Hope you manage to keep the cake stock up and poo hunting down to a minimum.
ReplyI am planning exactly that from now on 😉 more cake. less poo. :)) lol x
ReplyOh dear. Wait until it's nearer your due date and everyone's asking 'have you had it yet' when quite clearly you f*cking haven't – and you might have let people know if you had!!!
ReplyI'm surprised my second didn't come out holding a Twix I ate so many!!
Just imagine what it was like when I was pregnant with number 4 – no sh*ts given by anyone, and should have bought shares in Tena lady!
Good luck! xx
ha! I loved those daily txts last time of 'any news yet?'… if there was news I'd have bloody well txt by now wouldn't I! lol 😉 x Thanks! :)))
ReplyMy daughter is 8 months old now, and I honestly don't think I could go through pregnancy again.
"Sadly she's also taken to shitting underneath the dining room table and prodding it with a Barbie, but you can't have everything can you…" this made me snort tea all over the place! Thank you!!
ReplyHope you don't have to deal with too many more of these incidents!!
Hey – we can always buy more Barbies 😉 x LMAO
ReplyYou paint such a beautiful picture 😉 Just keep on eating that cake while you're still eating for two (or three, you're sure it's not… ) I say!
ReplyHaha 😉 I like to think I have a way of portraying these things… lol xxx
ReplySo true, I beached on the sofa A LOT relying on anyone to collect the eldest from school, wishing he'd make his own way home even though he was only 4. Anyone who says 'not long now' isn't Living It. Enjoy the cake, such a good excuse to eat lots of it! : )))
ReplySofa cake is THE BEST #fact haha xx
Replyha ha so right that nobody gives a sh*t second time round, including yourself really. I had no idea what size the baby was at any given point!
ReplyJealous of the mid-morning cake/pizza – can not pregnant people get involved in that too?!
I think once you've had children cake-pizza is basically your life… And right as a mother… 🙂 xx
Wow sounds even more glam then I imagined a second pregnancy to be……:(
ReplyI don't understand why people care less second time around, it definitely sounds like more help is needed then first time around!! When I get pregnant with number 2 I'll be sure to bribe as many people as possible with cake, I have no shame in accepting cupboard love!!
You can never indulge in too much cake or bribery I say 😉 lol :))) x
ReplyHe he platted pubes what a thought to behold 😉 hope the baby baking is going ok 🙂
Baby baking going just awesome – although I'm beginning to not know what is cake and what is baby now… ha! x
ReplyI have laughed out loud so many times here. Personal favourite has to be the shitting under the dining room table and poking it with a barbie though. Definitely keep up with the kingsize chocolate bars and pie retrieving from the fridge… You're just doing giving baby what it needs after all! #Badmumsclub
ReplyWell exactly 😉 Baby needs cake. #thatisall :)))
ReplyNobody does give a shit second time round. You also get less presents which sucks massively. But just think of all your hairy bits which will make up for when your hair drops out post baby. Urgh! Oh the doom. Hope you are well lovely lady xxxxx
ReplyOh yes – I forgot about the post baby alepicia… Just because the broken vagina and sleep deprivation aren't punishment enough eh!? Ha 😉 I'm surviving tho :)) xx
ReplyYou are so right about no-one being interested the second time round – what is all that about?! x
ReplyJealous 😉 only explanation… lol x
Ah, so glad to be back to your flowery paeons to pregnancy! If you think they're not bovvered now, try being pregnant for the third time. People are literally like, well, that was just silly, wasn't it? xx
Replyhaha – I may have to have a third one just to test this theory… :))) x lol! xxx
ReplyHa ha just brilliant! I absolutely agree that everyone ignores you during your second pregnancy….if you ever get to a third, people cross the street so as to avoid your boring baby/pregnancy talk! Congrats on having a little boy – seriously, they really are dream boats compared to a girl!! (in my experience anyway!). x
I seriously hope so! :)) x
ReplyHaha! On man this brings back so many memories of my second pregnancy. And to think I was contemplating a third.. Madness! Though I *am* a little jealous that you're having a boy 😉
I do feel rather jammy about getting one of each… 🙂 x heehee xx
ReplySorry for laughing! You are definitely putting me off having another one! Hope you are alright! Sending cake! x
ReplyConsider that cake accepted 😉 x
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