The WallyBoy’s here!
I say with a cheer,
But try not to cough, sneeze or laugh…
For second time round,
You daren’t make a sound,
In case your uterus falls out of your arse.
My little chap has arrived,
My vagina survived,
Though it won’t be winning contests for beauty.
With a full fanny-fro,
I can tie my labia in a bow,
But can confirm that it still did its duty.
The first days were tough,
I couldn’t be festive, I looked rough,
The toddler took a shit under the tree…
While I sat in my PJs,
No idea of the week days,
Terrified to fart, poo or wee.
My boobs feel like sandbags,
The size of bloody handbags,
My nips are actually bigger than his head.
I sit lubing up each tit,
From my crusty dressing-gown pit,
And they say; with two, the romance is dead…?
So hurrah for the WallyBoy,
Our little bundle of Christmas joy,
Let our life as a foursome begin.
Life might not be glam,
But it’s worth it for this tiny man,
Now someone pass me a goddamn super-sized gin.
#WallyBoy
#FannyFro
#gin
Many congratulations, now let the fun begin 🙂
ReplyJoy x x x
You're back praise The Lord. Congrats and I look forward to some general tomfoolery xx
ReplyCongratulations. He's gorgeous!
ReplyCongratulations, you make parenting sound so glamorous! x x
ReplyLove this poem! It could be your best yet. Lots of congratulations on the arrival of your little man. x
ReplyThe Wallyboy is gorgeous. Look forward to hearing his antics. And hats off blogging in week two xx
ReplyCongratulations! Brilliant poem. And WallyBoy's pretty cute too x
ReplyAbsolutely hilarious!
Congratulations, he's bloody gorgeous xxx
ReplyCongratulations! Loving your work (poem and procreation!) xx
ReplyOh he is gorgeous! Huge congrats! x
ReplyAww congratulations! Hope you got lots of gin for Christmas 🙂 xx
ReplyFannyFro. Just hilarious. Congrats on the gorgeous boy xxx
ReplyAww! He's gorgeous! Congratulations xxx
ReplyAwww, he is gorgeous(reminds me of my little boy when he was born:), no doubt with your trademark SOH(does help)you'll cope(take it easy, take your time:)! X
ReplyHooray! Your vag has survived another wally child! Enjoy that gin. You deserve it! Xx
ReplyBrilliant – and if nothing else, this will provide excellent fodder for blog posts. Oh and complete your family and all that… Well done beaut #tieitinabow
ReplyAaaah fantastic, congratulations on the arrival of your beautiful boy x
ReplyCongratulations! Hope you are all happy and well! xx
ReplyAwww, so gorgeous! congratulations!!
ReplyAmazing post as always, =) Proper giggle =)
Congratulations!!!!!! Did he arrive before Christmas or on Christmas day????
ReplyYeeay! He's a proper little boy as well – congratulations! 😀
ReplyI've just come across you're blog – very refreshing and funny. Congratulations – your poem sent me back 9 months to when my boy number 2 arrived!
ReplyThe images you have conjured up in my head!!!!! I will forgive you though lovely he id dead cute, perfect intact – Go you and your awesome vag! xxx
ReplyThis is actually brilliant. I'm never having a baby though… :-/
ReplyCongratulations! Take it from me, it'll be brilliant but tough. And in a couple of years, I'm sure your fanny will be splendid again 🙂
Reply