The WallyBoy’s here!
I say with a cheer,
But try not to cough, sneeze or laugh…
For second time round,
You daren’t make a sound,
In case your uterus falls out of your arse.
My little chap has arrived,
My vagina survived,
Though it won’t be winning contests for beauty.
With a full fanny-fro,
I can tie my labia in a bow,
But can confirm that it still did its duty.
The first days were tough,
I couldn’t be festive, I looked rough,
The toddler took a shit under the tree…
While I sat in my PJs,
No idea of the week days,
Terrified to fart, poo or wee.
My boobs feel like sandbags,
The size of bloody handbags,
My nips are actually bigger than his head.
I sit lubing up each tit,
From my crusty dressing-gown pit,
And they say; with two, the romance is dead…?
So hurrah for the WallyBoy,
Our little bundle of Christmas joy,
Let our life as a foursome begin.
Life might not be glam,
But it’s worth it for this tiny man,
Now someone pass me a goddamn super-sized gin.
Many congratulations, now let the fun begin 🙂Reply
Joy x x x
You're back praise The Lord. Congrats and I look forward to some general tomfoolery xxReply
Congratulations. He's gorgeous!Reply
Congratulations, you make parenting sound so glamorous! x xReply
Love this poem! It could be your best yet. Lots of congratulations on the arrival of your little man. xReply
The Wallyboy is gorgeous. Look forward to hearing his antics. And hats off blogging in week two xxReply
Congratulations! Brilliant poem. And WallyBoy's pretty cute too xReply
Congratulations, he's bloody gorgeous xxxReply
Congratulations! Loving your work (poem and procreation!) xxReply
Oh he is gorgeous! Huge congrats! xReply
Aww congratulations! Hope you got lots of gin for Christmas 🙂 xxReply
FannyFro. Just hilarious. Congrats on the gorgeous boy xxxReply
Aww! He's gorgeous! Congratulations xxxReply
Awww, he is gorgeous(reminds me of my little boy when he was born:), no doubt with your trademark SOH(does help)you'll cope(take it easy, take your time:)! XReply
Hooray! Your vag has survived another wally child! Enjoy that gin. You deserve it! XxReply
Brilliant – and if nothing else, this will provide excellent fodder for blog posts. Oh and complete your family and all that… Well done beaut #tieitinabowReply
Aaaah fantastic, congratulations on the arrival of your beautiful boy xReply
Congratulations! Hope you are all happy and well! xxReply
Awww, so gorgeous! congratulations!!Reply
Amazing post as always, =) Proper giggle =)
Congratulations!!!!!! Did he arrive before Christmas or on Christmas day????Reply
Yeeay! He's a proper little boy as well – congratulations! 😀Reply
I've just come across you're blog – very refreshing and funny. Congratulations – your poem sent me back 9 months to when my boy number 2 arrived!Reply
The images you have conjured up in my head!!!!! I will forgive you though lovely he id dead cute, perfect intact – Go you and your awesome vag! xxxReply
This is actually brilliant. I'm never having a baby though… :-/Reply
Congratulations! Take it from me, it'll be brilliant but tough. And in a couple of years, I'm sure your fanny will be splendid again 🙂Reply