(proceed with caution – I say shit a lot in this one)
Yes, I’m doing it again.
I have absolutely no idea why, because if the last two experiences are anything to go by you’d think I’d have given up and gone into hibernation… but NO. I’m off on holiday with the baby AGAIN.
You can read about my previous ‘holidays’ (I use the term loosely) here and here. When you’ve finished crying please come back and read the rest of this post won’t you…
I am beginning to wonder if I don’t have some sort of problem? Perhaps I’m some kind of closet thrill seeker…? But with really shit thrills.
As a seasoned ‘pro’ at travelling with a tiny person, I feel it’s only fair I now impart my expert baby-travelling knowledge for all to benefit from…
So here’s my tips, WallyMummy style:
- Don’t take the baby – it will be shit.
- If you have to take the baby, take someone else to look after it. NEVER GO ON HOLIDAY ALONE WITH A CHILD – it will be shit.
- Drink heavily during the flight. That’s probably the worst part. Until you get to the flight home…by then you’ll just be an empty, broken, gin-laden husk…
- In fact drink heavily throughout the entire week, and consider taking up smoking again. And crack.
- Don’t bother packing anything for yourself. You won’t have space for anything anyway and if you actually think you’ll be reading books, heading out, eating, washing or getting dressed at any point, think again. You won’t – it will be shit.
- The time difference will really mess with their routine so you’ll have that to look forward to on top of all the usual soul-destroying bullshit.
- Don’t make any plans to visit or see anything – it’ll just lead to disappointment. Or you’ll somehow manage to go and it will be shit.
- Overall, set your expectations really low – because honestly – it will be shit.
- Don’t go. Just stay at home and spend the money on baby-sitting and gin. And crack.Because if you do go – it will be shit.