Now don’t get me wrong…
Despite how the title reads; I can assure you I’m not saying I’m desperate for another boob-eating, vagina-shreading, tit-stamping, poo-producer… In fact, earlier today my 17-month old son took a shit in his OWN ACTUAL PALM and slapped me round the face with it while my 4-year old daughter laughed and ate a dairylea dunker. So trust me… this is NOT a post about me announcing I want that times three.
But it’s a strange feeling – finally clearing out the baby equipment, wondering how long you’ll need the ‘big pram’ for, knowing the tiny clothes you haven’t quite been able to part with for some reason will never be filled again… makes you feel unsettled. Unsure. Possibly even slightly… broody *runs away, does some shots and hides*
Trying to explain that sensation to my husband has been like trying to punch information into a brick wall with excellent stubble and a penis. I’m just not ready to say the actual words – I WILL NEVER HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN EVER NEVER EVER WITH FAECES ON TOP… Because it makes my ovaries have a little sentimental weep. And makes me get the moses basket back out of the spare room, put one of my cats in there dressed in a baby-gro and start rocking it….
When you have only one child – people seem to be constantly asking you when the next one might come along… Everyone seems to be ‘waiting’ for it. And when you do very luckily as I did, get a boy and a girl, everyone presumes you’re done. Automatically. You don’t get asked. You get told you’re lucky and everyone moves on to a new selection of scan pictures on Facebook they can gush at with ‘love’ emoticons.
Yep. If you’ve already got two, opposite sex children, the SECOND you look like you might even consider a third, all you get is warnings… ‘You’ve only got two hands’. ‘You’ll have to move house’. ‘Get a new car’. ‘Stop drinking four bottles of pinot grigio on a Tuesday night and playing dead for most of Wednesday while your children forage sofa raisins and eat playdoh…’ (and my personal favourite) ‘HOW WILL YOU EVER GO ANYWHERE OUTSIDE YOUR LIVING ROOM EVER AGAIN. IS YOUR VAGINA IN-FUCKING-SANE.
Everyone has a bloody opinion. Everyone seems to think three is one too many… But is it better to have three and deal with the struggles of being outnumbered, or better to never do it and always wonder what if…?!
Hormones are one evil bastard. They team up with your womb and start erasing the memories of the illuminous yellow thunder-turds that ruin your day… The ENTIRE YEAR that you didn’t sleep longer than 20 minutes and still got up in the morning and sung Wheels on the [email protected]*ting Bus to a toddler who just poured their potty contents onto the sofa. The leaky boobs. The veins… oh the bulging, blue, veins… you just remember the cute bits… Timehop showing you the lies you told yourself and the random people you forgot you were still ‘friends’ with stalking you on Facebook…
Like I said – I’m no way about to launch into procreation of the third kind… But I know that right now I’m not ready to say never.
I’m just ready to say; probably, maybe, perhaps, one-day, probably-not, but hey…
I have been dealing for the past 3 years with another issue… I desperately wanted two, and although we fell quickly and easily with 1, we tried for 2 years for number 2 with no ‘luck’! I’m fed up with having to lie to everyone I know that I’m happy with one! Have been told we can’t have IVF as we already have numero uno! Dealing with people constantly asking when we will be having another makes me want to constantly smash them in the face with a chair!!Reply
Can only imagine that is so hard lovely xxxReply
I’m having the debate with myself about a second one. My first is 9 months this week. It’s been bloody hard work. And at the moment the idea of doing it all again, even getting pregnant, fills me with absolute dread.
I know it’s too soon, I know it’s fucking hard work. I looked like death, I was thrown up on 95 times a day for the first 2 months (reflux baby), but I can’t bring myself to get rid of the tiny vests, the cute hat, it makes me sad.
Excellent post my dear.Reply
God my second was so hard compared with the first I almost can’t believe I would even contemplate it… not that I even am but you know… I swear it’s all hormones!! lol xReply
Oh yeah, that debate is raging here too. And by that I mean I complain about how awful small children are until my husband finally says something that implies he doesn’t particularly want another one if that makes me feel any better, and then I explode at him for being such an insensitive twat cos he knows I really want four and now he’s made me feel like I’ll be forcing him into something he doesn’t want if we have more!
We’re broke, we’re tired, the idea of starting all over again makes me feel a bit ill….but I keep thinking “what if they both emigrate?”, “what if we die and they only have each other?”, “what if neither of them wants to give me grandkids?!”. Basically my womb wants me to have spare children, just in case.
If only I could gestate them until they were at least three, you know, bribe-able and potty trained?Reply
‘spare children’ *sniggers* :))Reply
OK you have actually just summed up pretty much exactly how I am feeling RIGHT now. But I have 2 of the same so am ALWAYS getting asked if we’ll ‘try for a boy’. My youngest is going to school in September and we have no more baby stuff. It’s all sold or binned or charitied.. The stair gates are gone. BUT my ovaries are taunting me, telling me that at 38 I should have another go, that they are still down there working. It’s very hard to fight biology. Great Post! Thank you for writing it xx KathyReply
Thanks for reading it lovely lady 😉 xxx damn those ovaries!!Reply
I totally know where you’re coming from. I spent many years thinking the same about a 4th child. Sometimes I still do think it, but I’m 42, my youngest child is 10 and I’ve spent 2 years taking a nasty drug which would cause terrible birth defects. So probably not going to happen, then!Reply
I do wonder if you ever feel ‘done’ tbh! xxReply
‘Wheels on the [email protected]*ting Bus’ – I would love to hear you sing this. I bet there’s actions. Bet there’s violent, sweary, obscene actions that make me laugh until milk comes out of my nose.
Please you-tube it.
All you say about having three and people ‘comments’ is true.
‘But you’ve already got the set?’
‘YOU ARE MAD!’
We had the three conversation, only one of us was keen. My wife very (very, very, very) kindly went with my choice.
He’s utterly wonderful.
#WeARESOOOOOTired #TwoYearsInTheLivingRoom #NearlyBrokeUs
you officially win the prize for best comment ever mister 😉 lol x hope ur at britmums or the mads?? so i can say howdy!Reply
Nope, not going to any events. Which is a shame as I would love to accept that howdy and shoot you back an all-too-english ma’am.
Honestly. You make me cry with laughter. I try to read this out to my husband and can’t get it out for tears and wetting my pants. (Serious).Reply
Keep it coming. It’s been a hard week and I have a large G&T on the go. Winning.
Love you x
My ovaries are currently taunting me. So true about other people’s opinions, we have one of each so we would be crazy to have a third! My littlest starts school next year, is freedom finally in sight? And then I see a tiny baby (damn those Oliver’s) rocking it at 41 and I’m 39 thinking we’ll if you can do 5 then I reckon I could do 3….. ahhhhhh xxReply
My oldest has just started school…. So my ovaries have gone into a serious mind altering make-a-baby-state! Lol xxxReply