I don’t know what has happened recently but I DON’T like it.
It crawled, it teethed, it got snotty, then it got angry… has anyone else noticed their child has passed the 3/4 year mark and seems to have been possessed by a total arsehole?
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| WallyBubba – snotty arsehole possession |
There are only so many hours in the day I can listen to the constant wailing, whining, wingeing that is my daughter’s only current vocal chord exercise. And only so many nights I can survive on 37 minutes sleep and still manage to look shitting-well happy about it.
So. I’m making a list, (yes another list – you know you flippin’ love ’em…) for me and all the same-stage mummies out there, of stuff that’s actually worth smiling about. Because when I think about it, there are a few good bits 🙂
You didn’t have periods for at least 12 months. GET. IN. (only plus point of pregnancy)
You can look at pregnant people and feel smug… oh the blind, unassuming optimism… (Mwah haha)
You have several new categories on eBay to exploit and your husband’s log in details… that’ll teach him to ‘work late’. Besides – if it’s for the baby, there’s no #shoppingguilt.
If you need to get out of a boring conversation, simply opt for the classic baby bottom sniff and pull the ‘turd alert’ face. Pair with a waft for gravitas and watch them run away…
You don’t have to call people back. You have a baby.
You don’t have to go to the parties, birthdays, weddings or funerals of people you don’t like any more. You have a baby.
In fact you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to; ironing, cooking, cleaning, listening to your husband talk about sport… You have a baby. (see point 10 for use in any row that occurs due to the above or similar action)
Even though you would never judge or criticise your friends’ parenting skills, everyone else is fair game. FACT.
It makes you happy when people you know on Facebook have ugly babies.
You can win every single argument with your partner/husband no matter what because YOU HAD THEIR F-ING BABY.
You’re secretly quite proud of how fast you can collapse/erect any buggy on cue.
Drugs actually work again (no – not crack and MDMA you cheeky minxs) – bring on the Nurofen Express. (and crack when necessary)
You have new mummy friends whom you can drink copious amounts of gin and wine with, and spend hours slagging off babies, motherhood and all the thin, immaculate, young people in the world.
There is always gin.
And wine
(and crack)
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| Thanks WallyHubby, you bought us this. |
This made me smile. A lot. 😀
Replylol – good. #missionaccomplished 😉 x
ReplyVery true. Paired with 9 month old separation anxiety and sleep regression mother nature certainly knows what'll have us reaching for the wine #pintofwine
Thank you helping of see the positives – having a ten month old I can say that things have improved a little, think they're often like this just before a big developmental step eg crawling, walking xx
ReplyMother nature can do one. She's given me enough shit already… knowing my luck she'll be walking around next week *tuts* 😉 xxx
ReplyI'm sitting here laughing at this because I remember it so well and it's oh so true.
What's not funny however, is it doesn't get any bloody easier and all rules still apply.. Even at 2!
#passmethewine
Replyyes. I'm fairly sure I won't run out of blog-material 😉 xxx lol
ReplyEven at 2?! Even at 6. Or 11. They don't cry much or keep me awake at night, but they're not easy. Sorry! Love this post though 🙂
ReplySo what you're saying is… it never ends… just give up now and crawl under a rock to hibernate until they have left home… ok. sorted. 🙂 lol
ReplyThis only works if you don't decided nine months is a good time to get pregnant again – no wine for me!
Replylol – well when the next mini adventure comes long you can have double 🙂 I will post alcohol to you.
ReplyI love this list. especially 13-16. Get in.
Replytee hee – yes get in indeed 😉 lol x thanks for reading! xx
ReplyI have had my 4 I'm done and now planning to drink lots of wine and look smug- raising a glass to you my dear xx
Reply😉 4 kids means 4 times the amount of booze required…. I will drink to that! Xxx
ReplyHa! That's very funny. My daughter turned 9 months and started with amazing tantrums which haven't abated a year later!
ReplyWell… at least I have that to look forward to then… lol xx
ReplyThe Mr wont let me have any more but this reminded me of the tantrums, snot and 'arsehole possession' (love it!) so I'm pleased for now!! x
ReplyLOL – this blog is my own personal contraception 😉 got a feeling it's still not gonna work tho… tee hee x
Replybrowsing through lol love this list i may just have to print laminate and stick it on my front door or in the babies red book for the health visitors to see lol
ReplyHa! yes I bet they'd LOVE that 😉 thanks for reading and commenting xxx
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