It’s official. I love the taste of infant faeces so much I’ve decided I want it flung at my general face area daily for the near and foreseeable future. That’s right. Hold the shitting front page; I have made the decision to become a Stay-At-Home-Mum.
I never thought I would, so it has been a conflicted decision for me. I kept telling myself I was letting myself down by not returning to work, and then that I’d be letting her (and Sophie the Giraffe and the tombliboos) down if I did… Was so much fun having yet another thing to keep me up at night along with the teething, constant colds and lack of a functioning pelvic floor muscle…
If you’ve followed this blog from the beginning or are one of the lucky few who actually knows the WallyBubba personally you’ll know she is more than enough for one person to deal with on a daily basis, so I’m not expecting to be bored, stumped for conversation or sit down at any point… Clearly as I loved childbirth so much the first time around I’d quite like to that again reasonably soon too. Sod it, might even do it again twice. If my husband doesn’t have me secretly sterilised by imps in the night that is…
I actually found it was other people who had the biggest problem with me becoming a SAHM. So for anyone else who’s encountering the same treatment I’ve compiled a set of less conventional responses which I’ve found generally hush the haters:
- It’s a little known fact but for the first year after you’ve had a baby, you are able to make other women pregnant simply by looking at them. I could clear an office within 6 months. It’s just not fair for me to inflict that on anyone.
- This week I wore a pedometer and managed to cover 3 miles purely from crawling around the floor with my 10-month old. I just haven’t discovered a part time job that gives me that sort of carpet exposure.
- Since becoming a parent my personality has taken a huge nose-dive and allowed me to become the bitch I always dreamed I could be.
- Now I’m not earning, my husband gives me money in exchange for me looking after our child and home. I am a house-whore, and that’s what I like to write on forms and how I introduce myself.
- I have twitter, Facebook, pinterest, instagram, Google+ accounts and a blog to maintain…. ‘work’ would always come second… and those stacking cups are not gonna stack themselves.
- Babies are just better people than people. Fact.
- When we meet in the pub, I promise not to talk about ‘baby stuff’ if you promise not to talk to me about your f•@king shit, boring job. Deal?
- It’s not that I’ve got new priorities, it’s just I was either in a hormonal daze or drunk for the first 9 months of her life, so I feel I need to spend at least the next 9 months paying more attention.
- My close family and friends might kill me if I have something else to complain about.
- I hear it’s frowned upon to continually sustain a 50/50 gin to blood stream ratio in a work environment. Whereas that shit is fine with a baby… It’s not like I’m driving her around or anything is it.
- The thing is, during childbirth my vagina fell out with my pelvic floor and I just don’t think it’s fair I sit on anyone else’s property other than my own until they make up.
I am now officially acronymed up. I might even put SAHM on my twitter profile later today… that’s when you know I really #meanit.
#SAHGM
#StayAtHomeGinMummy
It's a great acronym to take on I think! Beyond the humour it is good to see you have reached a decision that you are genuinely comfortable with. I am sure that Wallybubba will keep you very busy and of course happy 🙂
ReplyYes – I'm really happy with my choice 😉 jokes aside, it's so hard to make the decision. Now I feel liberated! Bring on the day my vagina and pelvic floor make up! lol xx
ReplyLove the post and great you've decided to be a SAHM, I wish I could be! In fact most of my blog moans about the fact I've got to go back to work!!
Enjoy! x
ReplyI'm lucky to have had the option x will defo enjoy! xxx
ReplyA very timely post for me, today marks my first day as a stay at home Mum after having been made redundant. I enjoyed my job (well, I enjoyed the social aspect of it) so I'm not sure how I'm going to get on, but I know that I'm very lucky to have the opportunity! I love your list of suitable responses!
ReplyI felt weird about it too. But now I've made the decision it's like a weight has lifted! I think I was more worried about what other people thought than what suited me and my baby – which is just stupid! If it's not for me I'll change it x simples xxx hope you enjoy! xxx
ReplyGood for you! I never had the choice when my kids were little and to be honest I didn't want to, but it's something I'd like to do now – anyone who believes life gets easier when they go to school is deluded!
ReplyThanks x juts happy to have decided more than anything! Yes i can imagine once they go to school it's juts a whole new nightmare… lol xxx
ReplyI decided not to go back after maternity leave too. Syd is now 15 months, and no regrets so far! Although I do intend to go back eventually- just wanted more time with him first, plus childcare so expensive was hardly worthwhile anyway!
ReplyThat's good to hear 😉 I think I may pop another one out before I consider going back to work again 😉 xxx cause it's juts that easy… as popping one out… lol ( i wish) xxx
ReplyFunny as hell1 Especially the "bitch" reference! LOL as for clearing an office, I think i believe your theory as there are now 4 people prego at work and I wondered if we had all sat in the same hot seat but now realise its a look that did it! Thanks for helping me laugh on a day that has been incredibly stressful. I'm not a stay at home mum, I work art time but sometimes really wish I could be. The best of luck to you and I plan on following your adventures throughout!
Replyhaha x thanks fro such a lovely comment! The preggo thing always goes in waves at work doesn't it lol 😉 glad to have given u a giggle x thanks for reading xxx
ReplyBrilliant post. I had planned to go back to work but I've just been sacked halfway through my maternity leave! So I guess that makes me a SAHM too. I can't handle gin so can I be a SAHBM (brandy)?
Replyoh how charming! Well I suppose that takes the decision element away a bit for the moment! Yes, you can be a SAHBM 🙂 that is acceptable 😉 xxx
ReplyMost days I would kill something to go back to work. I miss it. A lot. But then I think I can't justify making mine and my childrens' lives more complex just for a bit of personal sanity (it wouldn't be for the money that's for certain). And I got sick of the immature witterings of my childless work colleagues for whom everything was a drama yet they looked at me like an idiot who's brain fell out with one of the placentas. At least my kids respect me, yeah? (not). Good luck being at home full-time. It's hard work but someone's got to do it!
ReplyI'm hoping I can remain content with my decision. Don't really know how I'll feel 6 months down the line but I think if I really miss work then I'll prob go back. Although it prob is one of those 'grass is always greener' things… I doubt we'll ever be completely happy whatever the choice! And for the record – I'm fairly sure I did lose some of brain function via my placenta… Lmao x thanks for commenting xxx
ReplyAw what a wonderful decision, I unfortunatly didn't do the sensible thing and think about and went back to work in a rash post natal depression spare of the moment thing. Ended up having time off after being back 5 months. Now hubby changed jobs so I'm stuck in work till be decided to have baby number 2 I will definitely consider properly about becoming a stay at home mum. I'm more fun when I not in work any way as you say you can drink at home lol xxx congratulation Hun enjoy your beauty they grow to fast. Xxx
ReplyThank you x i really think it's the right choice xxx everyone who's commented has been so supportive! thanks for reading xxx
ReplyBrilliant as usual, and I love your reasoning!
ReplyHa! Not the most conventional approach but that just wouldn't be me now would it :))) x thanks for reading and commenting xxx
ReplyA fantastic choice and dare I say, much mire rewarding than a regular 9-5. I loved my time at home as a SAHD and can see why parents make the decision to do it full time.
Raising a glass of gin to you.
Steady x x
ReplyCheers 🙂 I'm never one to try down a glass with gin in it 🙂
ReplySee, my time as a SAHD has destroyed my ability to spell!!
Skeddy (not steady)
Replylol – I thought you were telling me to go steady on the gin… this makes more sense though. HA! 😉
ReplyI love being a SAHM even if it means everyone else thinks I'm a little wife or think my brain fell out with the baby.
ReplyI'm far too busy enjoying myself, my blog and daytime telly to go back to work – ha! xx
Good for you! Screw the haters x I'm looking forward to it xxx
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