Thank f@*k for f@*king grandparents,
They’ve saved my sleep-deprived soul.
From death by CBeebies and teething torture,
And only eating from a ‘Hello Kitty’ bowl.
Thank f@*k for f@*king grandparents,
And last minute trips to the park.
That let me remember what quiet sounds like,
While I sit… slowly rocking… in the dark.
Thank f@*k for f@*king grandparents,
The Wednesday-night sleepovers at Granny’s.
When Mummies and Daddies have alcohol for dinner,
And remember how willies work with fannies.
Thank f@*k for f@*king grandparents,
For letting me pretend I have a life.
With baths, and mascara, and afternoon naps,
And an evening without the Garden in the F-ing Night.
Thank f@*k for f@*king grandparents,
Days aren’t just for soft-play and weeping.
There’s gin, and wine, and grown-up television,
And the occasional night-time spent sleeping…
#alsothankf@*kforGIN
#hopemyparentsdontactuallyreadthis…
#iftheydo-sorryforswearing
#andthefanniesbit
Well, I'm a grannie and it made me laugh (but then I'm not your Mum :-))
ReplyJoy xx
HAHAHA x :))) glad u liked it 😉 xxx
ReplyBlooming brilliant – sums it up nicely! I may have to adapt and send it to my mum! Sam x
ReplyTee hee x do it 😉 xx thanks for reading xxx
ReplyWonderful! I adore verse 3. I so very much wish my parents lived closer and were up to the task of childcare. This made me smile and a bit sad too xxx
ReplyAww x well I hope it was mostly smiles 😉 x I'm really lucky to have mine round the corner! Thanks for reading and commenting xxx
ReplyBrilliant! As always, you lyrical genius! Love the bit about fannies and willies! 🙂 xx
ReplyPahaha x thank you :))) x
ReplyGenius!! willies work with fannies is my fave bit!!
ReplyLOL – that bit does seem to be getting an overwhelming response! Clearly hit some truths in this one! tee hee ;)))) x
ReplyYou are a brave woman indeed….mine would probably never babysit again!! Genius though 🙂
ReplyThey've read it… lol x I think they see the funny side! My Dad said it was very 'modern'. I don't think that's a compliment… PAHAHA x Hope they don't parent-divorce me just yet :))) x
ReplySo funny and so true – thanks for making me laugh!
ReplyYou are welcome! I'm thrilled this post is going down so well, considering the number of times I say F@*k… lol! xxx
ReplyBrilliant! You are a brave woman. My mum and dad would literally kill me for this. Even though I'm 39! My parents got insulted by a very tame post on my blog well over a year ago and I still feel they haven't totally forgiven me.
ReplyLol 😉 I think mine will be cool x although I won't be printing and framing it any time soon haha! Xxx
ReplyWell written and quite amusing.
ReplyHowever, if you're that resentful of everything child-related perhaps you shouldn't have had them! Some of us don't have the luxury of being able to "offload" the children onto grandparents!!
As for CBeebies, soft play et al…… well I personally savour EVERY moment – as believe me, they'll be grown up and independant before you know it. You'll probably then find yourself writing a poem about the void in your life!!!
Well – I guess there's always one who fails to see the funny side! No resentment here my dear; just honesty and a bloody good sense of humour 😉 If you don't don't like, you don't have to read it… I'm off for some gin 😉
ReplyLol! Love your poem and your blog – found you through Netmums, brilliant. I'm following.
(Re: the previous commenter …there's always one isn't there?! I also run an "Honest" blog re: pregnancy and intend on keeping the honest theme going once the bean arrives – don't be put off, there are a million gushy mummy blogs and so few refreshing and funny ones!….)
Hayley
Replyhttp://sparklesandstretchmarks.blogspot.co.uk
So glad u've found me 😉 will check urs out too :)))) x yes there's always one… *sigh* lol x but with 99.9% of commenters saying lovely things I know I'm good with the vast majority! Clearly – they haven't found gin yet…Or a sense of humour… Ha!
ReplyOh dear I don't think poor Anoymous gets the point of your blog and seem to be lacking in a sense of humour, oh well can't win them all!
ReplyI am such a fan of little WallyBubba and her antics, well done for getting Netmums Blog of the week! X
I know – Anonymous is clearly too busy with totally perfect kids savouring the moment to stop and have a laugh eh! tee hee x
Thanks for being a fan :))) and thanks for the lovely comment! xx
ReplyLOL that really made my day! Fab post!
Replytee hee x thank you! 😉
ReplyYou just made me snort coffee through my nose! Brilliant!
I've just, just got past the CBeebies stage with my youngest, just be aware, the next stage is potentially a lethal combo of CBBC/CITV, which can be equally as soul destroying (and also takes up 6am – 7pm). As the clock strikes 7pm in my house I can often be heard roaring 'MY TIME NOW!' as I wrestle the remote away from a random child to watch Hollyoaks on E4.
Following you via GFC because I think you're going to be a tonic!
M x
ReplyHaha! What a lovely comment 😉 I can see I have much to look forward to! I'll be your tonic, you send me gin… Deal? Lol xx
ReplyAbsolutely brilliant! Swap in the night for paw patrol and its me! I am so lucky to have both sets of grandparents fight over looking after our boys! With a 2 yr old and 1 yr old & epilepsy I would be well and truly f****ed if I didn’t have them round the corner
ReplyGrandparents rock 😉 lol xx
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