Things they don’t tell you at NCT

There are things they don’t tell you at NCT,
Like how you’re now committed to a life of shit, puke and wee.
You think that things will get easier,
As your babe becomes a tot…
But as someone who’s just found a shit under the sofa,
I can can promise you they DO NOT.

Daytimes are spent crawling around soft play,
In crotch-worn leggings without any make-up.
Your life is mostly about picking up raisins,
And never-ending tidying and washing-up.

Evenings are about trying to BRUSH-THEIR-BASTARD-TEETH,
And work out where they’ve hidden all the shoes.
When you finally sit down, and loosen your dressing gown,
It’s no wonder you’re reaching for the booze…

And, no-one ever tells you…
About the mystical powers of the Chicken McNugget.
That when EVERYONE’S giving you their opinion,
You just have to go to your happy-place and think ‘fuck it’.

You’ll never stop feeling a dick at play-groups,
Or seeking solace in the screen of your iPhone.
You may lose a few friends, but you’ll gain new ones instead;
Ones who don’t give a shit when you moan.

They don’t tell it’s just bloody hard some days,
And that things often seem more wrong than right.
Or that you’ll long so much to go ‘out-out’ again,
But when you do you feel guilty all night.

Sometimes you’re really going to lose your shit,
And tell everyone to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Then you’ll cry it all out, and take some time-out,
Take a deep breath and pull yourself back up.

Yes, there’s things they don’t tell you at NCT,
Like how you’ll become stronger than you ever thought you could be.
You’ll deal with the exhaustion,
And the state of your living room…
And begin to see how amazing you are,
With your awesome human-producing womb.



  1. sarahmo3w January 28, 2016
    • Wally Mummy January 28, 2016
  2. Unhinged Mummy (aka Janine Woods) February 3, 2016
    • Wally Mummy February 4, 2016
  3. Tales from the Dad Side February 4, 2016
    • Wally Mummy February 4, 2016

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