Why my toddler is like Chuck Norris…

Blog Post 18 Comments

I wrote this for my husband. To make him shut the f@*k up.

It was this or sew his arsehole into a vagina and make him pass a fisher price teapot in order that he might have some idea what childbirth is like…

But this took less effort…

So…

Here it is…

10 reasons WallyBubba is like Chuck Norris:

She doesn’t eat fruit by peeling it. She punches it into a pulp until it releases its juicy goodness.
Every time she smiles a fairy dies. When she laughs – whole species become extinct.
She can bite through steel. And bone. And wombs. 
She could take on an 8ft Pegga Pig and win. Or a bear. Or a unicorn. With one punch.
When she wants something she just takes it. By the face. Or eye. Or whatever induces the most pain.
She eats kittens. Alive. With a plastic Hello Kitty spoon. (you can see the irony)
She hides nun-chucks in her hair when she goes to bed. And a ninja star in Iggle-Piggle’s blanket. 
Her toenails are made from adamantium. Any time she wants to, she can just wolverine the shit out her Clarks First Steps. She just ‘decides’ not to. 
Calpol only makes her stronger. 
She can ruin your vagina just by looking at you. 

#thisiswhyyoushouldn’tpostwhilstdrunk
#myvaginaisalreadyruined
#justgonnahaveanothergin
#ginforvaginas 

About The Author

Wally Mummy

Potty-mouthed blogger, gin enthusiast and owner of the WallyBubba and the WallyBoy. Says f@*k and vagina a lot. Really knackered.

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18 Comments

  1. Mum in a Hurry February 1, 2013

    OMG you make me piss myself laughing!!! Just read this out to my husband. So funny!

    Reply
    • Wally Mummy February 1, 2013

      hahaha x glad you liked it! I think my husband quite liked it too 😉 lol x thank you for reading and commenting xxx

      Reply
  2. Shay February 1, 2013

    Haha, brilliant!! x

    Reply
    • Wally Mummy February 1, 2013

      Thank you 😉 I just get drunk and it comes to me… I'm like a gin-genius 😉 lol xxx

      Reply
  3. Amanda February 1, 2013

    This is just too funny, you have to get those hash tags on twitter!

    #ginforvaginas I mean, what the hell woman!

    Reply
    • Wally Mummy February 1, 2013

      haha… I honestly don't know where it comes from sometimes… xx

      Reply
  4. Liese Betts February 1, 2013

    Brilliant as always

    Reply
    • Wally Mummy February 1, 2013

      Awww x thank you 😉 x it's the booze talking really… lol x

      Reply
  5. HayleyInWonderland February 1, 2013

    Lol!! Love it! Your poor womb….

    http://sparklesandstretchmarks.blogspot.co.uk
    xxx

    Reply
    • Wally Mummy February 1, 2013

      tee hee… it's a lost cause now… we all just ignore it. 😉 HA x

      Reply
  6. SarahMummy February 2, 2013

    Hilarious and mental in equal parts.

    Reply
    • Wally Mummy February 2, 2013

      tee hee x thanks 😉 xx

      Reply
  7. Laura @ Chez Mummy February 2, 2013

    Pure genius 😉

    Reply
    • Wally Mummy February 2, 2013

      thanks! ;))) x

      Reply
  8. Leyla Brooke February 2, 2013

    Comedy genius I may have to take up gin

    Thisdayilove

    Reply
    • Wally Mummy February 3, 2013

      Gin is #thesbest 😉 FACT xxx

      Reply
  9. Jess Paterson January 12, 2014

    Ha ha ha! Just read this for #ArchiveDay. Agh, when toddlers scrabble up your destroyed stomach with their toenails of steel!

    Reply
    • Wally Mummy January 12, 2014

      ha! You know it;) cheers for the comment :))) x

      Reply

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