Second time around things are different. Good different… bad different… sometimes ‘I’m gonna have to stop breast-feeding right now because my toddler just took a shit in the middle of Costa’ different… but definitely different.
Perhaps you simply don’t have the same amount of time to dedicate to baby number two, as you’re frantically trying to change a nappy while de-Marmite-ing the cat and attempting to locate where the 3-yr old has hidden her MOTHER-SHITTING SHOES AGAIN… Maybe you’re more relaxed (gin) or maybe you’ve just learnt from your mistakes (don’t tumble dry babies) and you’re a better parent for it… But whatever the reason, baby number 2 will have a different journey, as you can see from my handy list of comparisons below:
First Baby
People are coming over to meet your beautiful bundle of joy for the first time… You spend around 4 hours scrubbing every inch of your house and preparing an exotic selection of teas and snacks for them to sample as you portray the ultimate ‘I’ve got my shit together act’ and nonchalantly drop into the conversation ‘oh excuse the state of the house…’ sipping on your lang sang shit shun. (or whatever)
Second Baby
You use a baby wipe to take the actual human faeces off the coffee table. Then use the same baby wipe to clean your face. Oh, and you Whatsapp them to bring a bottle.
First Baby
Your life is a never ending cycle of washing, dressing, re-dressing and taking pictures of everything your baby wears to post on Facebook with twatty little captions. You actually IRON things, and fold and put them away in colour order… for ‘fun’.
Second Baby
Anything lying around the house that passes the sniff and scratch test goes.
First Baby
You document everything, you keep a baby book, you have every App, every e-mail subscription, every wanky little freebie and you take about 50 photos an hour like a total mental.
Second Baby
You’ve sort of forgotten to take any photos, but your kids look quite similar so you plan to just use some of the first one’s pictures and change the dates. Plus the toddler owns your iPhone now so only half-face selfies and photos of play-doh allowed.
First Baby
Night times become a cycle of getting up, crying, rocking, despairing, Googling, freaking out and crying some more… then repeat for the day time.
Second Baby
You’ve been through several years of anti-sleep training. You don’t actually notice when you’re asleep/awake anymore as frankly just being horizontal is a f@*king luxury. To save energy you often fall asleep standing up over the cot… this counts as a good night. You’ve also learnt to just drink wine until your face, mind and tear ducts go numb.
First Baby
Every gadget, every toy, every class, every group, every f@*king everything… your home looks like an Amazon delivery has taken a shit on top of the baby department at John Lewis.
Second Baby
Your iPhone, Sophie the Giraffe and some sock-ons… in the pub. Life is complete.
The End. You’re welcome.
#tearductnumbingwine
#scratchandsniff
#wine
This is brilliant @wallymummy. I am so looking forward to the shit in Costa event!
ReplyLol 😉 just pray it never happens! (It probably will) xxx
ReplyThe scratch and sniff has been a long term friend of mine when I am not sure which pile is clean or dirty. I lol’d so many times I had to write ‘lol’d’. Brilliant.
Replypahaha 😉 well thank you chicken xxx Feel like I’m getting back into this blogging lark now! :))) #justhadthaveababy #freshmaterial lol x
ReplyHaha!!!
I never experienced the shit in Costa episode as I could never fit my giant double buggy through the fecking entrance.
So I just sat in the park with a flask like a loser and spent the money I saved on coffee for cans of Magners instead.
Next question, when are you gonna start trying for number 3?!
Lush post as always xx
ReplyPahaha 😉 I love it. And erm NEVER. Lol xxx thanks for the comment lovely xxx
I never had problems with my first. He is and always was golden balls.
It was the second I had the issues with, the poops in the bath whilst trying to get his older brother ready for school.
The tantrums, jam all over the dog, writing all over the walls and blaming his brother… Oh the list is endless.
He was a handful from birth but I still love the cheeky sod.
He’s a lot better these days but seems to blame everything on his older or younger brother (My youngest couldn’t walk at the time and it was his fault the bathroom was wet, he was about 6 months old!! And downstairs with me)
ReplyHa! 😉 well clearly I’ve got that all to come then! Something to look forward to lol x (but plenty more material for the blog tho eh?!) xx
ReplyDocument it all, you will have one heck of a post!!
ReplyI wish I did, I’d make people cry with laughter at the stuff my lads did.
(At times I wanted to run off to Jamaica)
Might just run off to Jamaica instead tbf 😉
ReplyThis could not be more true. Every single step of it. My first was this little Angel and so in comparison my second is like a demon child I swear. He is only 10 months old, I dread to think how much trouble and how cheeky he will be in a few months time.
ReplyLol x mine will no doubt be the same then! I would expect many more posts of this nature… With crying… And wine.
ReplyHahaha this made me laugh, was reading out the points to my oh and laughing how this will be our lives soon – praying for no Costa incidents though! Cx
Replyheehee! It’s all coming! xxx thanks for the comment lovely 😉 xxx
ReplyThis really made me chuckle! I can relate to everything there including using a baby wipe to wipe shit off of the coffee table, baby wipes come in handy for everything! Xx
ReplyThat they do sweetie! Thank you so much for the comment xxx
ReplyMy friend just gave me your blog and I love it:) I’ve. 5 year old and a 7 week old just wanted to say I’ve really had a smile on my face reading these:) xxx
ReplyAww thanks lovely! And thanks for taking the time to comment :))) xx
ReplyHahaha felt so human reading this and knowing I am not alone! (mother to a 2 & 1/2 yr old, and a 7mth old who forgets sometimes that she is a human being too, not just a mother)
ReplyThat is lovely to read hunny xxx thanks so much for the comment xxx
ReplyAbsolutely hilarious thank you for making me laugh!! X
ReplyAh babes thank you for reading! You are welcome 😉 xxx
ReplyMy first was the demon compared to the second, I couldn’t understand how it was physically possible to hold a conversation with a chilled out sleeping baby on one shoulder and a coffee in the other hand. Dd had a kind of sonar that detected the click of the kettle boiling as a cue to wake up and scream. I found 2 hours of peppa pig on a loop quite handy for bf no 2 though.
ReplyYeah love or hate that pig she can be a handy little botch can’t she… Lol xx
ReplyLove this post! Looking forward to my second. One day!
ReplyLol x thank you 😉 just enjoy the fun until then! Haha xx
ReplyI take it you’ll not be having a third then?! I wrote a post along similar lines a while back – on the deprived third child and comparisons between 1, 2 and 3. Poor loves 😉
ReplyHa 😉 I always though it was the middle one that ended up a bit deprived teehee! Xx I think my ovaries are done thanks 😉 xx cheers for the comment missus xxx
ReplyAwesome, so very accurate. We had poo incident at a ball pool. Oh my, wondering how many of the sodding things may have a light dusting of poop?
ReplyOur first born likes to do that whole shout at inappropriate times or inappropriate things, like in Nandos “where is my chicken”, as she stares at the poor guy frantically cooking. She started talking at 1, she is now 2.5 and has never stopped. But refused to speak to baby bro as he “wont talk back”! Man I hope he is less of a diva!
Lol 😉 I’m hoping the 2nd child is the more chilled one… Surely that’s a thing right? TELL ME THAT’S A THING!? Ha! Xx but yeah – soft play is probably very good for their immune systems yeah… *gags a bit*
ReplyBahahaha! You speak sense and in my mind I know it but my ovaries call ‘have another…go on…they’re so cute….’
ReplyI know! Those sneaky bastard ovaries! Lol xx
ReplyI just lol’d. I NEVER lol – I’m normally too furious at myself for getting pregnant twice to lol. I think sleeping over the cot to save time is one of the many highlights of this post! Pissing myself! bravo xox
ReplyPahaha x thanks lovely xxx
ReplyI’ve just discovered your blog and I’ve literally died laughing (whilst ignoring my almost 5 year old’s requests) soo freaking true!
ReplyAww x thanks hunny!! Welcome 😉 *does a little bow* xxx
ReplyBrilliant! This made me giggle. It’s so true that your second time is different from the first.
Replyhear hear! xx
ReplySo many tears of laughter streaming down my face and dripping onto baby, read it out to OH and he chuckled his arse off x ty x
Replypahahaha x thanks lovely 😉 xx
ReplyThis is in-f@*#king-sanely awesome
ReplyAhaha! Thanks 😉 xxx
Reply‘plan to use the first ones’s photos and change the dates’ classic Jo x
Replyheehee x i’ll see you at the BiBs lovely lady 🙂 xxx
ReplyMy friend shared your blog with me about a week ago and I have been addicted eversince. Always looking for things I havent read yet. I have a almost 8 year old, and a barely there 3 year old. Im so angry at myself daily for having a second. My first was an angel up to 3 then she turned into a monster. Second has been a pain since birth so I am praying for the change to an angel. Eversince second one I have been battling infections and megrains soooo bad. And I cant drink, sniff sniff…. Please tell me you have advise on potty training this little bugger? Or she might still be wearing diapers at age 10. I realy battle with the poop in a panty thing. Please never stop sharing your fun views with us, Im a wee bit happier since I realised Im not thevonly one who wants to kill myself…..
Replypahahaha xx thank you so much for reading!! lol xx I’d share my potty training posts with you but i fear it might tip you over the edge! xx
ReplyNothing wrong with the sniff and scratch method. X
ReplyObvs 🙂
Replyabout to have my 2nd child this month, not downloaded any apps this time, no email subscriptions and not even packed a hospital bag yet :-0 my casual approach has started and baby isnt even here yet! good reading, looks like were all human after all i love reading honest posts about life. 🙂 x
ReplyHa 😉 we all did it! Good luck with popping out no.2 xx
ReplyThank you! x
Reply