Second time around things are different. Good different… bad different… sometimes ‘I’m gonna have to stop breast-feeding right now because my toddler just took a shit in the middle of Costa’ different… but definitely different.
Perhaps you simply don’t have the same amount of time to dedicate to baby number two, as you’re frantically trying to change a nappy while de-Marmite-ing the cat and attempting to locate where the 3-yr old has hidden her MOTHER-SHITTING SHOES AGAIN… Maybe you’re more relaxed (gin) or maybe you’ve just learnt from your mistakes (don’t tumble dry babies) and you’re a better parent for it… But whatever the reason, baby number 2 will have a different journey, as you can see from my handy list of comparisons below:
People are coming over to meet your beautiful bundle of joy for the first time… You spend around 4 hours scrubbing every inch of your house and preparing an exotic selection of teas and snacks for them to sample as you portray the ultimate ‘I’ve got my shit together act’ and nonchalantly drop into the conversation ‘oh excuse the state of the house…’ sipping on your lang sang shit shun. (or whatever)
You use a baby wipe to take the actual human faeces off the coffee table. Then use the same baby wipe to clean your face. Oh, and you Whatsapp them to bring a bottle.
Your life is a never ending cycle of washing, dressing, re-dressing and taking pictures of everything your baby wears to post on Facebook with twatty little captions. You actually IRON things, and fold and put them away in colour order… for ‘fun’.
Anything lying around the house that passes the sniff and scratch test goes.
You document everything, you keep a baby book, you have every App, every e-mail subscription, every wanky little freebie and you take about 50 photos an hour like a total mental.
You’ve sort of forgotten to take any photos, but your kids look quite similar so you plan to just use some of the first one’s pictures and change the dates. Plus the toddler owns your iPhone now so only half-face selfies and photos of play-doh allowed.
Night times become a cycle of getting up, crying, rocking, despairing, Googling, freaking out and crying some more… then repeat for the day time.
You’ve been through several years of anti-sleep training. You don’t actually notice when you’re asleep/awake anymore as frankly just being horizontal is a [email protected]*king luxury. To save energy you often fall asleep standing up over the cot… this counts as a good night. You’ve also learnt to just drink wine until your face, mind and tear ducts go numb.
Every gadget, every toy, every class, every group, every [email protected]*king everything… your home looks like an Amazon delivery has taken a shit on top of the baby department at John Lewis.
Your iPhone, Sophie the Giraffe and some sock-ons… in the pub. Life is complete.
The End. You’re welcome.
This is brilliant @wallymummy. I am so looking forward to the shit in Costa event!Reply
Lol 😉 just pray it never happens! (It probably will) xxxReply
The scratch and sniff has been a long term friend of mine when I am not sure which pile is clean or dirty. I lol’d so many times I had to write ‘lol’d’. Brilliant.Reply
pahaha 😉 well thank you chicken xxx Feel like I’m getting back into this blogging lark now! :))) #justhadthaveababy #freshmaterial lol xReply
I never experienced the shit in Costa episode as I could never fit my giant double buggy through the fecking entrance.
So I just sat in the park with a flask like a loser and spent the money I saved on coffee for cans of Magners instead.
Next question, when are you gonna start trying for number 3?!
Lush post as always xxReply
Pahaha 😉 I love it. And erm NEVER. Lol xxx thanks for the comment lovely xxx
I never had problems with my first. He is and always was golden balls.
It was the second I had the issues with, the poops in the bath whilst trying to get his older brother ready for school.
The tantrums, jam all over the dog, writing all over the walls and blaming his brother… Oh the list is endless.
He was a handful from birth but I still love the cheeky sod.
He’s a lot better these days but seems to blame everything on his older or younger brother (My youngest couldn’t walk at the time and it was his fault the bathroom was wet, he was about 6 months old!! And downstairs with me)Reply
Ha! 😉 well clearly I’ve got that all to come then! Something to look forward to lol x (but plenty more material for the blog tho eh?!) xxReply
Document it all, you will have one heck of a post!!Reply
I wish I did, I’d make people cry with laughter at the stuff my lads did.
(At times I wanted to run off to Jamaica)
Might just run off to Jamaica instead tbf 😉Reply
This could not be more true. Every single step of it. My first was this little Angel and so in comparison my second is like a demon child I swear. He is only 10 months old, I dread to think how much trouble and how cheeky he will be in a few months time.Reply
Lol x mine will no doubt be the same then! I would expect many more posts of this nature… With crying… And wine.Reply
Hahaha this made me laugh, was reading out the points to my oh and laughing how this will be our lives soon – praying for no Costa incidents though! CxReply
heehee! It’s all coming! xxx thanks for the comment lovely 😉 xxxReply
This really made me chuckle! I can relate to everything there including using a baby wipe to wipe shit off of the coffee table, baby wipes come in handy for everything! XxReply
That they do sweetie! Thank you so much for the comment xxxReply
My friend just gave me your blog and I love it:) I’ve. 5 year old and a 7 week old just wanted to say I’ve really had a smile on my face reading these:) xxxReply
Aww thanks lovely! And thanks for taking the time to comment :))) xxReply
Hahaha felt so human reading this and knowing I am not alone! (mother to a 2 & 1/2 yr old, and a 7mth old who forgets sometimes that she is a human being too, not just a mother)Reply
That is lovely to read hunny xxx thanks so much for the comment xxxReply
Absolutely hilarious thank you for making me laugh!! XReply
Ah babes thank you for reading! You are welcome 😉 xxxReply
My first was the demon compared to the second, I couldn’t understand how it was physically possible to hold a conversation with a chilled out sleeping baby on one shoulder and a coffee in the other hand. Dd had a kind of sonar that detected the click of the kettle boiling as a cue to wake up and scream. I found 2 hours of peppa pig on a loop quite handy for bf no 2 though.Reply
Yeah love or hate that pig she can be a handy little botch can’t she… Lol xxReply
Love this post! Looking forward to my second. One day!Reply
Lol x thank you 😉 just enjoy the fun until then! Haha xxReply
I take it you’ll not be having a third then?! I wrote a post along similar lines a while back – on the deprived third child and comparisons between 1, 2 and 3. Poor loves 😉Reply
Ha 😉 I always though it was the middle one that ended up a bit deprived teehee! Xx I think my ovaries are done thanks 😉 xx cheers for the comment missus xxxReply
Awesome, so very accurate. We had poo incident at a ball pool. Oh my, wondering how many of the sodding things may have a light dusting of poop?Reply
Our first born likes to do that whole shout at inappropriate times or inappropriate things, like in Nandos “where is my chicken”, as she stares at the poor guy frantically cooking. She started talking at 1, she is now 2.5 and has never stopped. But refused to speak to baby bro as he “wont talk back”! Man I hope he is less of a diva!
Lol 😉 I’m hoping the 2nd child is the more chilled one… Surely that’s a thing right? TELL ME THAT’S A THING!? Ha! Xx but yeah – soft play is probably very good for their immune systems yeah… *gags a bit*Reply
Bahahaha! You speak sense and in my mind I know it but my ovaries call ‘have another…go on…they’re so cute….’Reply
I know! Those sneaky bastard ovaries! Lol xxReply
I just lol’d. I NEVER lol – I’m normally too furious at myself for getting pregnant twice to lol. I think sleeping over the cot to save time is one of the many highlights of this post! Pissing myself! bravo xoxReply
Pahaha x thanks lovely xxxReply
I’ve just discovered your blog and I’ve literally died laughing (whilst ignoring my almost 5 year old’s requests) soo freaking true!Reply
Aww x thanks hunny!! Welcome 😉 *does a little bow* xxxReply
Brilliant! This made me giggle. It’s so true that your second time is different from the first.Reply
hear hear! xxReply
So many tears of laughter streaming down my face and dripping onto baby, read it out to OH and he chuckled his arse off x ty xReply
pahahaha x thanks lovely 😉 xxReply
This is [email protected]*#king-sanely awesomeReply
Ahaha! Thanks 😉 xxxReply
‘plan to use the first ones’s photos and change the dates’ classic Jo xReply
heehee x i’ll see you at the BiBs lovely lady 🙂 xxxReply
My friend shared your blog with me about a week ago and I have been addicted eversince. Always looking for things I havent read yet. I have a almost 8 year old, and a barely there 3 year old. Im so angry at myself daily for having a second. My first was an angel up to 3 then she turned into a monster. Second has been a pain since birth so I am praying for the change to an angel. Eversince second one I have been battling infections and megrains soooo bad. And I cant drink, sniff sniff…. Please tell me you have advise on potty training this little bugger? Or she might still be wearing diapers at age 10. I realy battle with the poop in a panty thing. Please never stop sharing your fun views with us, Im a wee bit happier since I realised Im not thevonly one who wants to kill myself…..Reply
pahahaha xx thank you so much for reading!! lol xx I’d share my potty training posts with you but i fear it might tip you over the edge! xxReply
Nothing wrong with the sniff and scratch method. XReply
about to have my 2nd child this month, not downloaded any apps this time, no email subscriptions and not even packed a hospital bag yet :-0 my casual approach has started and baby isnt even here yet! good reading, looks like were all human after all i love reading honest posts about life. 🙂 xReply
Ha 😉 we all did it! Good luck with popping out no.2 xxReply
Thank you! xReply