Don’t chase after them. It gives them more power. Like they actually feed off of your pain and suffering.
Especially NO crying. Tears make them faster.
Work on your sprint start in the evenings. Those bastards are quicker than you know.
Learn how to dress, un-dress and re-dress them again while they are running. One handed. Without looking. Whilst dragging the pushchair along with your teeth. And knitting a fucking rainbow with your spare hand.
Wellies are the only footwear required now. It is physically impossible to ‘run’ in Wellington Boots. FACT. Slows the little buggers down.
Where necessary use their reins as a lasso…
Dirty tactics are your only hope – tripping, hair pulling, hood grabbing, Heinz Biscotti and tasering all perfectly acceptable.
Superglue velcro onto there hands and hair, and let’s see who throws their shitting hat and gloves off in the park now…
Never try to make your own humous. Nothing to do with running. I just needed to get it in somewhere.
Don’t let them out of the buggy in large open spaces until they ask. Then pretend you haven’t heard them and turn up your iPod until you get home. Drowns out the screaming.
NEVER EVER EVER attempt to grab their hand. It could be the last thing you ever do…
Never leave the house without ginning up the sippy cups. (Obviously. Applies to all parenting scenarios)
Never leave the house…
If you feel like giving up, just remember, it’s because of them that where your vagina used to wink, it now looks permanently surprised. Runaway toddlers are nothing. And there’s always #gin
I'm afraid to tell you that they figure out how best to run in the Wellington boots pretty quick. My cheeky monster disappeared out of sight while I am running behind out of my mind only to see that he stopped just in the spot where I could not see him…waiting…smiling…Reply
Hahaha 😉 whatever u do they do just seem to adapt don't they! Lol xReply
Excellent tips for hot footing monkeys! I made my own humous once. Never again. Never. Ever. Again.
Just Pirouette and Carry On…
Lol 😉 oh god yeah – humous… *shudders*Reply
Very funny…be grateful it wasn't twins, or (shudders) triplets!!Reply
God – I don't think I'd see enough of the funny side to blog about it… lol xReply
OMG Im killing myself laughing and trying not to wake the buggers at the same time!! Genius, thank you! *wipes tears to type*Reply
Hahahaha x glad u liked it :)))) *grins* xReply
LOVE IT! This is genius and you, are the master! XxReply
Hahahaha 😉 thank you xxReply
reins… lasso.. hmmm… ace.Reply
Had to be said right… Lol xReply