Today, Actually Mummy has trusted me to host her weekly Wot So #Funee linky… MWAHAHAHAHA… I know. She really has. I didn’t have to get her drunk or anything. Honest. She’s probably somewhere breaking out in a nervous rash right now… panicking… rocking… trying to drink through it…
Soooooooo, if anyone does has any aversion to swearing, gin and repeatedly talking about vaginas, please look away……….. now.
And the rest of you, please continue on to WallyBubba’s little ode to her Mummy and insert your own smug, smiley face……….. now.
My Mummy, she’s a slacker,
I don’t know how we get through the day…
She seems to lack basic maternal instincts,
Even her own uterus is trying to run away.
My Mummy, she’s a slacker,
She’s really not pulling her weight.
All the time I’m playing my crocodile xylophone,
she’s just using Twitter and eating cake.
My Mummy, she’s a slacker,
She thinks yoghurt constitutes a meal.
She’s even taught me to use my own spoon,
So she can watch The Housewives who are Real…?
My Mummy, she’s a slacker,
She reckons soft play counts as exercise.
Even though she takes me to one in a pub,
And just sits; drinking wine and eating pies.
My Mummy, she’s a slacker,
She even makes me tidy my own toys.
She’s resorted to bribery and dirty tactics,
Using Heinz Biscotti as decoys.
My Mummy, she’s a slacker,
Most days she looks like she fell out of a bin.
Leggings, over-sized jumpers and yesterday’s mascara…
No wonder her diet is mostly gin.
My Mummy, she’s a slacker.
I think it’s time I had a word.
So Mummy if you’re reading this,
Your behaviour has become absurd…
I need swinging, and bouncing and ice-cream time,
For at least sixteen hours a day.
So smarten yourself up, and wear some lipstick woman,
Else I’ll be replacing you with Daddy – Okay.
Much love,
p.s. vote for my mummy in the BiBs or I’ll cut you.
If you want to join in with the linky, link your #funee post below and leave a comment on this post, then grab the code for the blog hop or get the badge here
Try to visit a few others and spread the #bloglove too!
Related
Fantastic poem, has your Mum seen this yet? And what does she think if she has?! 😉 d
ReplyYes Mummy's seen it. She's ignoring it and drinking gin, eating pies and heading off to a bppzy spot play session in leggings… lol x Thanks for linking up! xxx
ReplyThanks v.much lady, you are a smashing host *helps self to glass of breakfast wine*!
ReplyBreakfast wine is the best wine of all… especially whilst pregnant – helps push the bay out for SURE. lol x thanks for linking up! xxx
ReplyHaha!! I used to buy so many packs of biscotti as little distraction things. Then eat the chocolate ones myself!
ReplyTHis week she's only eating ryvita and bran flakes… I'm not sure I haven't created a monster… LMAO xxx
ReplyI'm sure the mini mes could wrote something similar about me!
Reply… Def a leggings lady x
lol – it's kind of my mum uniform I've decided. NO plans to change it whatsoever… thanks for linking up! xx
ReplyMummy has to get her act in gear, or maybe mummy should give someone a time-out? lol
ReplyMaybe Mummy should sell somebody to the gypsies down the street and go on rally long holiday… lol x
ReplyHa Ha!! But soft play is exercise, isn't it?! Surely 😉 x
ReplyOh yeah totally. And wine is like celery – burns calories as you drink it. FACT. 😉 xx
ReplyOk, I lolled so much I linked up too. Promote me wench 😉 xxxxxxxx
ReplyPahaha x Consider it done piles lady :))) x
ReplyTHAT poem is bloody insane and I LOVE it!
Would love to write a similar one from Aaron's point of few – ha ha.
Thanks for hosting, and loves for giving me a laugh with every paragraph of your poem – can REALLY relate.
Hugs,
ReplyLiska
@NewMumOnline
xx
haha -thank you for such a nice comment! You should totally do a baby perspective poem – they rock :))) x lol
ReplyThat was meant to say *hugs* not loves.
ReplyBrain not engaged or if it is, my finger tips are not connected to it.
xx
haha – I prefer loves ;0 xx
ReplyI love this! I want to join in but no idea what to do for it 🙁
ReplyThanks :))) no pressure to join in, but it's open for a week so if you think of a post defo come back and share! xxx
ReplyLove it! Brilliant!
Replylol – thanks! xxx
Replylol, you need to put that to music!
Replyhahaha – might its do that… *hums tune* lol xx
ReplyAwwww poor Mummy, lol – at least she's backing you for the MADs. Xx
Replytrue – not all bad then eh, a bit violent and stabby, but not all bad 😉 xx lol
Reply'the fell out the bin' bit is so me! Love it all though – fab! xxx
ReplyHaha 😉 tomorrow I'm wearing jeans… She'll prob think it's a special occasion lol x thanks for stopping by xxx
ReplyAwesome post, very funny! Hope you're enjoying taking over Wot So Funee? Have a fab Easter x
ReplyWallyBubba has been loving it – she is #powercrazy truth be told.. lol x Have a great Easter too :))) x
ReplyThank you for the warning, but I braved the vaginas and am glad I did. I love all the activities that mommy does. I'm so so sorry that they make her a slacker! 🙁
ReplyHaha 😉 braving vaginas can only work out well right… Lol :)) ha! Thanks for reading x mummy is recovering ok 😉 xx
ReplyThis is just genius! I'm sorry it's taken me a while to comment – I just got out of the bin with my baggy leggings on after a jet-lagged day of sitting on my bum while the kids watched Spongebob Squarepants 😉
ReplyThanks again for hosting
Haha 😉 thanks x sounds like an awesome day x enjoy those leggings! Xxx
Reply