I’ve had this niggling feeling over the last few months…
WallyBubba is most certainly not a baby anymore and gone are the days of flopping about on the sofa wearing week old mascara, crispy leggings and the odd tiny inoffensive poo…
No. That is a memory of a distant time now. These days she is a yoghurt shovelling, tantrum throwing, toy Dyson wielding acrobat who can shit her own body weight in seconds. And she takes some serious energy to keep entertained I can tell you…
And this is what’s bothering me – I’m worried I’m not doing enough with her…
Clearly, she’s fine (if you consider fine eating with a comb and spending most days wearing a swim poncho) but am I giving her enough day to day experiences and broadening her tiny little mind as much as I should be?
Any day that begins with me managing to get a bra on before midday I think counts as a good one, yet I keep hearing rumours of mums who actually get up BEFORE their children and plan a day of educational and sometimes even ‘glue-based’ activities… MADNESS.
It doesn’t half make you feel like shit when you make a rare appearance at a Mummy/Toddler group and all the near 2-year olds have spent the morning baking cupcakes and learning how to count to ten in fucking Swahili.
If I’m honest, I think I might actually be allergic to crafts. The idea of messy play gives me mild convulsions and I have a recurring nightmare where she finds one of the 75 biros I’ve hidden around the house and goes to work on my sofa… *shudders*…
The truth is MY afternoon’s play activities usually extend to a fairly low-energy game of hide and seek (I hide… In the bathroom, with the door locked… twitching and saying ‘there’s no place like home’ over and over. It’s great you should try it…), letting her read Heat magazine over my shoulder, and if she’s been a really good girl I let her press the confirm button on the amazon order. I have barred her from ‘helping’ me to bid for stuff on eBay though…
There’s also Cooking Time – I let her press the button on the toaster. And wear the colander as a hat. BOOM. #mumoftheyearaward
Outdoor play – I let her out. Sometimes I give her a stick. Or a shoe. Or something.
Other popular activities include dancing to MTV, tipping out and then tidying away all the Duplo, wearing shoes on our hands, sticker time with the cats (they’re still recovering) and naked hoovering.
For everything else there’s CBeebies. And crisps. And alcohol.
So there you have it. I think it’s time for me to stop feeling guilty, and conclude that perhaps it’s time to give her a change of scenery and send her to nursery to get filthy and go cold turkey on Peppa Pig for a couple of days a week… especially as I have a packet of quavers and a large G&T with my name on it.
We just had 'craft time'. I let him draw on the free local newspaper that just came through the door, whilst strapped into his seat of course (I also am a bit biro-phobic). Laughed out loud at your Outside Time. We have a stick and an old welly boot as special treats outside at the moment.
Don't feel guilty – the Activity Mums are either lying or they are annoying.
Together we can corrupt them all into our #badmummiesclub :))) x later today, as a treat, I'm going to let her use the Aqua Doodle for ten minutes without her nappy on… Life on the edge lady, life on the edge… 😉 xx
Still laughing at your blog. Our cat gets 'stuck' on too, though this morning he also nearly got shat on…
One day the world will realise our BMC is the future of parenting. Until such a time Peppa is actually very informative. Keep up the funny blogs x
My cats have been terrorised… They tend to wait outside the window until she goes to bed these days lol! It's not worth the PAIN 😉 x thanks v much for the blog lovin' x don't worry they'll never get rid of me… #badmummiesclubFOREVER :))) x
Start to finish, brilliant! Made me laugh out loud and scare the crap out of snoring husband *smug evil face*.
Serves him right for snoring 😉 lol x thank you! *blushing* xx
Haha, brilliant! You are SO not alone – I very quickly gave up with toddler groups as they made me feel so inadequate! I think I can tell how much Peppa has been relied upon in this house as my children appear to have actually morphed into Peppa and George – snorts and all!
That is GOOD to know 😉 lol! I have my own little snorter here… passes the time though… u know 😉 ha! x Thanks for reading and commenting xxx
Haha – I can't stand crafts or messy play either(too lazy – the thought of tidying it up…yuck)- actually give Peanut a shoe and a stick and he will be busy for hours. I'm all for letting them develop their imagination on a 'shoestring' 😉 and thank you Gods of Tired Mothers for CBeebies!!!!!! P.S. I haven't been to a single mother/toddler group – the sheer thought makes me want to slash my wrists with a plastic spoon! #badbadmummy
hahahaha 😉 right – forget all other toys and activities I am embracing the shoe, the stick and the Peppa re-runs! lol x these comments are defo making me feel more 'normal' about teh whole thing! 😉 x (except the swim poncho… in that she's unique I think…) ha! xx
Activity mums can go DIY themselves a big stick to beat themselves with. I spend enough time cleaning up after the kids, fucked if I'd willingly add PVA, pasta shapes and Pinterest into that mess.
Ooh I like you – you are hereby prompted to deputy vice captain of the #badmummiesclub effective immediately 😉 #BOOM x