It is a well-known fact that after natural child-birth, the second most painful part of raising a child is TMP…… Toddler Messy Play. *flinches and goes to happy place*
It’s a bit like taking part in some horrific and bizarre psychological experiment; involving parental torture, a kill scene, uncontrollable wailing and PVA…
Here’s some facts about TMP, to ensure you don’t undertake this ‘activity’ lightly:
- TMP is responsible for a 12% increase in gin sales nationally*.
- Last year alone, 4,000* plastic dinosaurs died during live ‘sessions’.
- 300,000 pairs of toddler pyjamas* that DEFINITELY should not have been seen by another human being were seen during sessions in the last 6 months… (and probably as many pairs of crusty-mummy leggings… but that is a story for another day…)
- 1 in every 10 parents* turns to necking the poster paint once the gin-sippy-cups have run out… If really desperate, it’s not uncommon for them to eat a Pritt-Stick.
- It can take up to three packets of baby-wipes to clean a toddler who’s created a Playdough-Sand-Paint hybrid.
- There is a proposed TMP helpline being set up exclusively for parents who forget a change of clothes… *shudders*
- Sometimes. Daddies don’t come back alive… and when they do, everyone says there’s just something ‘different’ about them…
*some bullshit statistics I made up for a cheap laugh and/or because I’m quite drunk while writing this.
#TMP
#Gin
#HappyPlace
I. Hate. Messy. Play. That is all. Horrible stuff x
ReplyIt's dangerous stuff… we're better off out of it I reckon… 🙂 x
ReplyMine just wanted to roll around naked in the paint after they'd painted themselves and everything else. Luckily we had a playroom with lino. Or maybe I was unlucky. Maybe without the lino they would never have thought to do this and grown up to be normal. The worst and final part was when they would toddle off to Wash Their Hands. I was usually hiding in the kitchen.
ReplyHahaha – I would prob feel the need to hose them down after! lol xx
ReplyI hate messy play…My girls just go way over the top with it….They take messy play to a whole new level x
ReplyIt can only end badly… *shudders* heehee x
ReplyDamien doesn't like the feel of paint on his hands so I get off lightly – however my the other two sons did…
ReplyPass the gin. 😉 x
Pass the gin indeed! xxx
ReplyIt's unfortunately unavoidable and you just have to come to grips with it…embrace the mess or something like that. I think of it as a two in one…messy play and then fling them in the bath for water play…that's a whole morning sorted!
ReplyTrue 😉 embrace it I shall! But from a distance… At organised groups… With gin… Lol x
ReplyMessy play. That's what nursery is for!
ReplyYes. Exclusively… They should make that the law! Lol x
ReplyLMAO! This made me giggle… a lot! I'm glad the little one goes to pre shool 3 days a week now, she can get her messy play fix there 🙂 #MeanMummy
ReplyI think I need to take a leaf out of your book… and a another gin out of the cupboard :))) x lol
ReplyHa ha – love it! I know I should embrace this more, as it can be cleaned, but, but, the mess!!!
ReplyI know… the mess… *shudders* lol
ReplyHave you read Room on The Broom? There's a scary dripping creature that appears from a bog. "It was tall, dark and sticky, and feathered and furred" it always reminds me of my two walking towards me after messy play..
Replyhaha – yes, I have! And i know exactly what you mean… LMAO xxx *downs gin*
ReplyOh. my. gosh. Just looking at these pictures brings me out in a cold sweat! Isn't this what nursery/school is for?!
ReplyYes, reckon I should leave it to them in future! lol xx
ReplyMy kids went to nursery from six months. I NEVER did toddler messy play. Why have a dog and bark yourself? 😉
ReplyPahaha – you are a VERY wise lady 😉 xxx
ReplyThis is exactly why i leave the messy play to the nursery! (unfortunately I still get the washing back though).. #PoCoLo
ReplyThis is a good plan :))) lol x thanks for the comment xx
ReplyBrilliant post! She looks so adorable in those photos though and I'm sure she loved it! POD has been at nursery since she was one so does a lot there – we have washable pain and a giant apron 🙂
ReplyThanks 😉 I need one of them aprons! (the PJs are looking pretty buggered now… lol) xx
ReplyHa! Very funny.Messy play is a daily torture in our house. Damn the 'friend' who bought the 3 year old 'crafty stuff' for Christmas. She must really hate me. Great post.
ReplyOne off the Xmas Card list for next year then… lol x Thank you for the comment xxx
ReplyLucas says – Wallybubba is my kind of girl. She NEEDS to be a member of the GL Gang – she's awesome. #pocolo The Mother likes your post but she substitutes that stuff you call Gin for the 'Red-juice-that-isn't-Ribena'!!!
ReplyAhhh the red juice… We have plenty of that stocked here too 😉 xx
ReplyAhhhh messy play. I actually stole an IV drip fromt he local hospital to administer myself whenever activities became messy play!!! #pocolo
ReplyNothing can prepare you… LMAO! Xx
ReplySo there with you on the whole messy play thing – are you sure they are made up stats?! Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x
ReplyNo they're totally real. Gonna put them on Wikipedia later. #fact lol xx
ReplyOh god don't get me started. This is what nursery is for
ReplyHear, hear m'dear! 🙂 xx
ReplySpot on! Even the marines couldn't handle the clean-up operation that follows 😀 #PoCoLo
ReplyPahaha 😉 too right! Thanks for the comment :))) x
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