Everyone's F@*king Pregnant

Everyone’s F@*king Pregnant,
My facebook is a plethora of foetuses.
Scan photos, baby bumps, new-borns and birth stories,
Doesn’t anyone know what a secret is…?

Everyone’s F@*king Pregnant,
I’ll confess that it’s making me moody.
It’s just because my baby’s not a ‘baby’ anymore,
Anyone would think I was bastard-well broody…

Everyone’s F@*king Pregnant,
Every day there’s another text.
A mini-miracle in the oven of the knocked-up pudding club,
Are they expecting a medal for having unprotected sex…?

Everyone’s F@*king Pregnant,
I can’t help but feel a bit jealous.
Until I look at the toddler, whilst downing rioja,
And remember I’m back in control of my uterus.

Everyone’s F@*king Pregnant,
It’s enough to turn me to gin…
But while everyone makes the jump, and grows their mummy-bumps,
I’ll temporarily enjoy feeling thin.

#smugthinface
#gin
#rioja

42 Comments

  1. Ruby Knickers March 11, 2014
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