There’s things that I miss from my life-before-mummy…
Like sleeping, and bladder-control, and a less scrotum-like tummy.
I miss wearing clothes without spanx underneath,
And not spending my evenings trying to brush a toddler’s bastard teeth.
I miss having breasts that stay up and round the front,
I miss getting drunk and acting like a total… *cough* runt…
I miss walking in high heels and being convincingly thin,
And not having a vagina that flaps in the wind.
I miss matching pants with actual ‘under-wired’ bras,
I miss leaving the house without Sophie the f@*king Giraffe.
I miss eating food in my own time while it’s hot.
Not one handed forking from the Noodle-of-the-Pot…
I miss using the sofa rather than sat on the floor,
I miss not having a buggy that doesn’t fit through ANY F@*KING DOOR.
I miss Saturday nights and their random gin-fuelled adventures,
And not living a secret life as a twatty nappy-price inspector.
Yes, there’s so much I miss from my life before kids,
There was less crying, less Weetabix and certainly less skids.
But this is my life with my baby boy and my girl,
And I wouldn’t f@*king change it for anything in the f@*king world.
(except maybe a lie-in…)
#lifebeforemummy
#gin
I think someone needs a gin inspired adventure. They cure everything. (Well maybe not the breasts but…)
ReplyHa 😉 one of those sounds good… (Except I can’t deal with the hangover and I’m too exhausted… Lol) but other than that HELL YEAH 🙂
ReplyJust found this blog through book of the face. Bloody well done love! Hilarious! Have a lovely day xxxx
Replythank you sweetie 😉 xxx
ReplyI’ve also just found this through fb!! Thanks for the laughs! I’m just expecting my second and it’s good to see the reality of it all! Xx
Replyha x thanks for finding me! xxx
ReplyLove love love you. Am new to your blogs and have laughed till I wee’d my pants tonight. THANK YOU X
ReplyHa! YOU ARE WELCOME 🙂 xxx
ReplyHave just subscribed. You are amazing. I miss going out without a bag, oh and I miss the brain that didn’t have to take sodding photos all the time. Else the guilt of not recording the memories seeps in (this, thankfully can be removed with gin)
ReplyGosh thanks lovely! Xx I am all about #thegin 😉 lol xx
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