Until you see pond life, it’s not time to change the water.
Yes. A paddling pool is a year round garden accessory. YES. IT IS.
No toddler-clothing/nappies required. Blame any suspicious floaters on the cats.
Drink mojitos at the sidelines and revel in the socially acceptable nature of outdoor alcohol now it’s sunny.
If your child starts calling for your attention simply throw crisps at them until they are distracted by a bucket… or suspicious floater…
If you hear your neighbours out in their gardens, use your posh voice and shout commands which give the impression you’re in control of the situation… i.e. ‘Let’s keep the toys out of the flower bed darling!’, Can we try to not decorate the pool with Mummy’s plants?’, ‘No water-boarding the cats!’ etc etc… Earn 10 parenting points and pour yourself another drink. #boom
Never underestimate the entertainment value of a rock. Or an empty water bottle. Or one of your shoes…
Sunglasses will give the impression you’re watching…
After the third time of asking them to keep the water IN THE BASTARD POOL ONLY, you’ve done enough and can give up. To concentrate on sunning the underside of your chin(s).
Insist your child wears a hat. You know. For a laugh. Until the alcohol sinks in.
Get the noise levels up high enough and the neighbours won’t even bother getting out of their houses… #win
And finally… It’s your garden, time to break out your home-only-vagina-skimming-shorts (HOVS) and attempt to loosely keep your nipples at bay with a prehistoric bikini top. That’ll definitely keep the neighbours indoors….
#PaddlingPoolRules
#SuspiciousFloaters
#HomeOnlyVaginaSkimmers
hahaha! Brilliant!
I use my posh voice if I hear the neighbours out….lol
Oh totally – me too! lol x
12. Is me. Sometimes I forget to wear pants and wear a very short 'beach' dress. It's fine. It's the summer! x
I just see my garden as an extension of my living room… partial nakedness completely acceptable 🙂
Replyha ha – no.4 is a must with the sun out – you can keep the mojito though I'll opt for a pear cider 🙂
Ha 😉 any booze goes :))) x
ReplySo funny!! Our neighbours are the loudest people in the world – complete with posh voices when they know they can be overheard and market type voices the rest of the time. I often don't even open the windows, let alone go outside when I know they're in the garden! x
lol! I dream of the day I can afford a house without neighbours in ear-shot… then we'll let it all hang out! lol x
Lol this was exactly us at the weekend. Except they had water pistols too. FML.
ReplyWater pistols… #bravelady 🙂
ReplyYou need to get HOVS trade marked – I think there could be a line of clothing in there somewhere 😉
I so should should't I. LMAO! :)))
ReplyI have lost my HOVS – possibly in a fit of common decency I passed them down to my much shorter sister. Please let me know when I can purchase Just Normal HOVS. x
I may start my own easy shop selling exactly that… lol :))) x
I'd be arested if I tried that outfit – and what if someone came to the door? Scratch that, we only have a 4 foot fence round the garden, they wouldn't need to come to the door…. 😀
yes but once they've come round once… they never come again! Pahahaha #winning :))) x
ReplyGreat stuff, and very topical given the weather we've been enjoying in London the last few weeks… Must dig out paddling pool from attic! Enjoy your summer! X
Reply@katgrant30 (Bumps & Grind)
Thanks! I'm impressed you put it away last year… lol xx
Hahhaaa oh hats!' I hate them!! I spent half my summer trying to keep it on Zs head. He'd whip it off in about 2 seconds flat!
The ones with the chin straps make it worse as well don't they! lol x
My vagina skimming shorts are now knee length…
ReplyGreat post. x
ha 😉 My 'outside the garden' ones are basically trousers these days… lol xx
And at the end of a hot day you can stick bubble bath in and they can bathe whilst you er, have another drink?
I can see you are a pro 😉 x