No under age drinking. That includes sending your toddler to the bar to gin up the sippy cup. (again). You’ll have to fetch your own drinks until they’re at least five…
Shirts must be worn at all times. Nappy-only sprinting and naked crisp eating exempt.
No shouting/bad language. Whispering very close to their faces is far scarier and more effective on under 2’s. And husbands. And bar staff who have run out of Tanqueray.
The management reserve the right to refuse service at any time. Clearly this rule was written before they’d met a mother to multiple teething toddlers on a gin come-down… no-one is foolish enough to decline alcohol in these circumstances…
No drugs. Calpol is an exception. As it is not a drug, it is parental right.
No taking drinks outside of the property. Down it all before you go. ALL OF IT.
No pets in the bar area. She can do far more damage than an Alsatian but whatever.
Please respect our neighbours and leave quietly. Unless you have toddlers in which case attempting to silence them will simply make them angrier and louder and sweatier.
You are responsible for your child’s safety whilst using the play equipment. Trust me. She’s responsible for herself. If I try to get involved, things get broken, people get hurt, slides get shat on and souls are destroyed…
No children after 9pm. Do I look like I can stay up past 9pm…?
Respect your surroundings – if you break it, you pay for it. Sorry – did I mention I have a toddler…? If you’d seen what she did to my vagina when she weighed just 7lbs you’d be resetting your expectations…
The pub with our lot is like a mass invasion. When they were younger you could practically see people putting their coats on as we pulled into the car park. On holiday barstaff would say "Hiya, what can I get you? And when will you be going back home?". I was never sure if it's because they wanted the peace back, or they were counting up the potential extra income…Reply
Lol 😉 I sympathise! Although WallyBubba on her own is a force to be reckoned with… When there's another one I'm retiring from parenthood. Fact. :)))Reply
Hilarious as always. I think I need to write an updated version for a 5 year old though – the challenges change, but the principles aren't far off! lolReply
Lol 😉 thanks xxx although I'm despairing slightly at the fact nothing is gonna change for the next 4 years or so… *downs gin* ha! XxxReply
Hilarious, I love this! So very true, brings back memories of when my son was this age – oh the fun! 🙂
Thank you 😉 I long for the day this is just a memory… Lol xxReply
This is fab! I particularly agree with no 5! 🙂Reply
ha! ah yes… calpol, one of the soul-savers… lol 🙂 thanks for reading xxxReply
lol love this xReply
tee hee 😉 thanks :))) xxReply
Hilarious! Love number 9 & 11 and I can definitely agree with 10 xReply
Heehee x thank you :))) xReply
Oh god I so want to go to the pub with you! Secret beer at BML?Reply
(sadly not gong to BML tho :((( – except the fri night if I make the Bibs shortlist!) xxReply
Fab! 5 and10 are my faves 🙂Reply
Thanks! :))) xReply