Pub (Toddler) Rules

No under age drinking. That includes sending your toddler to the bar to gin up the sippy cup. (again). You’ll have to fetch your own drinks until they’re at least five…
Shirts must be worn at all times. Nappy-only sprinting and naked crisp eating exempt. 
No shouting/bad language. Whispering very close to their faces is far scarier and more effective on under 2’s. And husbands. And bar staff who have run out of Tanqueray. 
The management reserve the right to refuse service at any time. Clearly this rule was written before they’d met a mother to multiple teething toddlers on a gin come-down… no-one is foolish enough to decline alcohol in these circumstances… 
No drugs. Calpol is an exception. As it is not a drug, it is parental right.
No taking drinks outside of the property. Down it all before you go. ALL OF IT. 
No pets in the bar area. She can do far more damage than an Alsatian but whatever. 
Please respect our neighbours and leave quietly. Unless you have toddlers in which case attempting to silence them will simply make them angrier and louder and sweatier. 
You are responsible for your child’s safety whilst using the play equipment. Trust me. She’s responsible for herself. If I try to get involved, things get broken, people get hurt, slides get shat on and souls are destroyed…
No children after 9pm. Do I look like I can stay up past 9pm…?
Respect your surroundings – if you break it, you pay for it. Sorry – did I mention I have a toddler…? If you’d seen what she did to my vagina when she weighed just 7lbs you’d be resetting your expectations… 



  1. The Brick Castle May 13, 2013
    • Wally Mummy May 13, 2013
  2. Sharon Smyth May 13, 2013
    • Wally Mummy May 13, 2013
  3. Rachael Walker May 14, 2013
    • Wally Mummy May 14, 2013
  4. Tori Wel May 14, 2013
    • Wally Mummy May 15, 2013
  5. Susan Mann May 15, 2013
    • Wally Mummy May 15, 2013
  6. angela May 15, 2013
    • Wally Mummy May 15, 2013
  7. Actually Mummy... May 15, 2013
    • Wally Mummy May 15, 2013
  8. Sara Murray May 16, 2013
    • Wally Mummy May 16, 2013

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