Soooooooo blog readers, WallyBubba appreciators and people googling vaginas (I get a lot of traffic from that… #proud)… next week, something unusual is happening…
Something completely out of the ordinary…
Because on Monday. The WallyDaddy and I will leave the toddler for almost an entire week while we head off to Venice…
Think of all the shit she can f@*k up in a week with the Grandparents fuelling her with ice cream and blueberries every day… *winces*… I’m not even sure I’ll have a house to come home to?! She’s probably on frigging MySpace right now organising some kind of toddler rave to take place in my living room… with a bring-your-own-bottle-and-wellies policy, a kilo of haribo and some livestock… Shit.
But, to be serious for a second, I’m not actually sure how I’M going to cope without her for a week… I’m not saying I won’t revel in some ACTUAL BASTARD SLEEP, or enjoy a week without the all weather play-ground trips and generally NOT having to run my life around the toddler’s yoghurt-come-softplay schedule…. but I’ve never gone more than a day and a night without seeing her… and I’m feeling slightly apprehensive.
Once we’re into day two of our trip, I genuinely think I’m going to start missing my crusty, marmite-infused clothing and being continually pooed and/or climbed on. And it’ll be weird looking ‘nice’ for an entire week… I’m not sure I remember how to do it… I can’t even remember if I own a hairbrush or a pair of pants that actually matches a bra?! I have absolutely no idea if I can even manage a whole slice of toast on my own, or if I don’t enjoy sitting on the floor as opposed to actual furniture these days… Jesus. I’ll even be using a proper handbag for the entire week and everything. F@*k. Actual F@&K.
So whilst I expect no sympathy whatsoever whilst I head off for a week of adult-only wining, dining and romantic culture… do think of me, sat on a gondola mid-way up the grand canal… crying into my pac-a-mac like a twat and blubbing that no-one’s spat cheerios in my eye for three days… and that gin just doesn’t taste the same unless it’s out of a sippy-cup… *sniff*
See you in a week MoFos.
p.s. No f@*king un-following me while I’m gone.
p.p.s. Yes, I actually bought a pac-a-mac. You have permission to punch me in the face if you ever see me wearing it in public.
I can't believe I've been holding you in such esteem, you and your pac-a-mac. For shame.
You will miss WallyBubba loads but remember that missing her means that you get back to her well-rested and maybe with more energy and enthusiasm (and less gin-drinking while you're at playgroup). Arrivederci!
*sniggers* x Too true 😉 cheers to that! xx
Ahhh you'll be fine! Time to work on your drinking stamina 😉 and just think how amazing it will be to see her when you get back. Have a fabulous time! X
Yes, that will be marvellous… depending on how hungover I am of course… lol x thanks for the comment missus xxx
Have a lovely time (not jealous at all!) Will miss you xx
Ha 😉 thank you x I'll be back in no time! Xx
HA! I'm so jealous! Have a marvellous time!
Just Pirouette and Carry On…
PS I have a pack-a-mac too. I like the smugness of knowing I'd be covered in a deluge, but I haven't been brave enough to wear it yet, for fear of being punched!
Heehee x yes the punching thing is a growing concern… Lol 🙂 xx
I'm so so jealous! Went to Venice for honeymoon (before kids) & 10th wedding anniversary (after). Missed them loads, got home & daughter barked "Where's my present?" #brat Have a totes amaze time! P.S. If I ever see you in Southsea in that Pac-a-Mac, you've had it! X
Sounds amazing… I've been before, but this is husband's first time! I will be the brat demanding presents on our trip :)) lol x
If you ever see me in it, I'll await my punch to the face and/or vagina for crimes against women-kind.
OH and I buggered off to Nice and Monaco for a mini-break last June. We did feel guilty and missed The Toddler but *whispers* it was bloody glorious. Highly recommended – enjoy 🙂
sounds blissful – I think we will feel exactly the same! xx
Hahaha this is brilliant! And so true! I also have only ever been away from Boo for overnight, and always miss the sticky fingers being stuck up my nose, being drawn on, dressed up, and generally bossed around 24/7!
Hope you have a wonderful, peaceful, sleep filled time!!
heehee – so many beautiful times to long for… lol x Thank you xx I will! xx
Oh dear apart from going to hell for child abandonment – am only jealous 😉 I would have never put you down as a PacOMac owner……
I'm not… I think I had a moment of madness walking past a millets… I'm not sure I wouldn't rather just get fucking wet! lol xx
I've never been away from my kids for more than a couple of days at a time and found that to be all kinds of weird, so you must feel a bit daunted by this. Sure it'll all be ace though and that everyone will enjoy themselves. Don't wear Converse in Venice, by the way. One of my biggest ever holiday mistakes, that…
Yes – it'll be weird but nice… nice to have them to miss :))) x I was planning Uggs… this may also be a mistake… but I don't own any other flat shoes! #fail
Also – were the converse white…? #ouch
Ooh I can't wait to hear what it's like to eat food while it's still warm, so jealous, although not jealous of the pac-a-mac hahaha 😉
haha x yes… if I wear it, there will be absolutely no photographic evidence whatsoever. fact. lol xx
Hope you have a really lovely time. I'm sure Wallybubba is going to have a brilliant holiday too and hopefully you're not going to come to random animals asleep in your bathtub or anything similar x
*keeps fingers crossed* 😉 heehee x thanks for the comment! XxxReply
I am not jealous, I am not jealous, I am not jealous… but OH how we laughed at the fact people land on your site Googling vaginas. BRILLIANT!
heehee 😉 I'm proud of that you know :))) x
Wow, now that's what a call an adventure! Have an awesome time and good luck with not sitting on the floor and eating whole slices of toast. The stuff of dreams!
Thank you! I did! I'm back now and missing it already :((( xReply
How did I miss this? Nearly a week without WallyBubba? 12 and a half years of parenting and I've managed a Wed to Fri trip to Amsterdam a few months ago. I don't think it will happen again until they've flown the nest! Hope you coped OK.
ha 😉 I've decided if I didn't do it now I never would! It was rather wonderful, I was distracted and she was fine xxx Don't know what I was worried about really xx