That’s it now folks… I am officially on the 8 week countdown. Which is both terrifying but a massive relief as this pregnancy has been bloody hard work with a ninja-turd-eating-toddler in tow [email protected]*king up my plans to sit or lie down at any point in the past 7 months…
I’m trying very hard *does squinty eye concentration face as proof* to remember exactly what the hell it is you actually do with a newborn… but all my memories are a jaded blur of gin-soaked-cakiness. Which isn’t very helpful. So instead I’ve made a list of all the things I vaguely remember doing which I probably shouldn’t do with the next one. As that seems like a good place to start.
I won’t use the Jumperoo as a baby-containing-prison.
I won’t leave the house without an ample amount of nappies/wipes/spare babygros because it’ll ‘probably be fine’.
I won’t leave the nappy off. EVER.
I won’t forget breast pads on a night out. Or get drunk and try to pass off my squirting nipples as a new party trick.
I won’t say I’m going to buggy-fit but then just eat another pie instead.
I won’t answer the door with part/all of my vagina hanging out of my dressing gown parting.
I won’t sometimes just not answer the door/leave the house/turn up. Because I don’t [email protected]*king feel like it. (And all the leggings are past the point of no return…)
I won’t ‘just rub the baby-rice in’ to my hair thinking it’s unnoticeable.
I WILL NOT BECOME THE PREMIER TWATTY NAPPY PRICE INSPECTOR OF THE WIDER HAMPSHIRE AREA.
But most of all I probably will. Do all of the above. Especially that last one and any involving cake and/or gin. So there.
Haha – at the end of it all you'll be saying is "I won't get pregnant ever again". It will be great – but yes no mirrors ever is the wisest one (or the plugs – either/or) xxx 8 weeks eek!
Aww 8 weeks! That's gone so fast, well it has for me probably not for you lol Hilarious post, love it 🙂 xReply
I think if i went out with you, at least your squirting nipples trick would shadow how easily I get drunkReply
Drinking while breastfeeding is the optimum time! It takes a while to get into the milk and then you have the longest gap to sober up before you do the same at the next feed 🙂Reply
Home run now lovely! x
Ha ha… just like I won't singlehandedly keep M&S afloat through massive consumption of mini flapjacks- only because oats are good for milk production, obviously. Nor will I audibly growl at anyone in a pub who gives me a *look* for drinking/downing a pint whilst breastfeeding.
17 weeks to go, yee ha.
Great post x
Oh yes, I remember most.. all of those things. Trust me, the more you have the more chaotic it gets and the less you care. It will be greatReply
I definitely won't be relying on the boys to entertain their little brother whilst I nap on the sofa, definitely not (ok, probably not), (possibly not) (maybe)Reply
You cant beat a bit jumperooing. I would simply of had a break down without our one not being able to immobilise the little buggers. I tbink to avoid a 'Mixed Kebab Hanging Out Incident' you nees to get yourself some spandex pants and some pegs so you dont mentally scar a lostie for the reat of their life 😉
Oops that should say postie not lostie!!!
You'll do those and a lot more. But the kids will be happy. So who cares?! 🙂 xx
hahahaha You will SOOOOOO be doing every single one! x
I thought it was the law to expose yourself to the postman – usually whilst holding a child who is trying to breastfeed and has slept only 6 hours during darkness in the last 3 days?Reply
"..for a nap. And a twix." Glad that one's not just me 🙂Reply
Oh how exciting – don't put too many expectations on yourself.Reply
Oh bab. By baby number two? You will just be a hot mess. It's fine! The dressing gown parting bit made me proper proper laugh bab x
Wow time has flown! Lists are great , write it all down, stick to none of it, but still – you made a list and that's what counts. DON'T do the hand-mirror thing though. I have done that with each baby and with each baby I think WTF happened??? Bleughh 🙂 xReply
Nodding along to a fair few of these lol – two a doddle until they move then you really start to think about day time drinking!Reply