That’s it now folks… I am officially on the 8 week countdown. Which is both terrifying but a massive relief as this pregnancy has been bloody hard work with a ninja-turd-eating-toddler in tow f@*king up my plans to sit or lie down at any point in the past 7 months…
I’m trying very hard *does squinty eye concentration face as proof* to remember exactly what the hell it is you actually do with a newborn… but all my memories are a jaded blur of gin-soaked-cakiness. Which isn’t very helpful. So instead I’ve made a list of all the things I vaguely remember doing which I probably shouldn’t do with the next one. As that seems like a good place to start.
Here goes:
I won’t use the Jumperoo as a baby-containing-prison.
I won’t leave the house without an ample amount of nappies/wipes/spare babygros because it’ll ‘probably be fine’.
I won’t leave the nappy off. EVER.
I won’t forget breast pads on a night out. Or get drunk and try to pass off my squirting nipples as a new party trick.
I won’t say I’m going to buggy-fit but then just eat another pie instead.
I won’t answer the door with part/all of my vagina hanging out of my dressing gown parting.
I won’t sometimes just not answer the door/leave the house/turn up. Because I don’t f@*king feel like it. (And all the leggings are past the point of no return…)
I won’t ‘just rub the baby-rice in’ to my hair thinking it’s unnoticeable.
I WILL NOT BECOME THE PREMIER TWATTY NAPPY PRICE INSPECTOR OF THE WIDER HAMPSHIRE AREA.
But most of all I probably will. Do all of the above. Especially that last one and any involving cake and/or gin. So there.
#twattynappypriceinspector
#gin
#GIN
Haha – at the end of it all you'll be saying is "I won't get pregnant ever again". It will be great – but yes no mirrors ever is the wisest one (or the plugs – either/or) xxx 8 weeks eek!
Aww 8 weeks! That's gone so fast, well it has for me probably not for you lol Hilarious post, love it 🙂 x
ReplyI think if i went out with you, at least your squirting nipples trick would shadow how easily I get drunk
ReplyDrinking while breastfeeding is the optimum time! It takes a while to get into the milk and then you have the longest gap to sober up before you do the same at the next feed 🙂
ReplyHome run now lovely! x
Ha ha… just like I won't singlehandedly keep M&S afloat through massive consumption of mini flapjacks- only because oats are good for milk production, obviously. Nor will I audibly growl at anyone in a pub who gives me a *look* for drinking/downing a pint whilst breastfeeding.
17 weeks to go, yee ha.
Great post x
http://www.listfivethings.blogspot.co.uk
ReplyOh yes, I remember most.. all of those things. Trust me, the more you have the more chaotic it gets and the less you care. It will be great
ReplyI definitely won't be relying on the boys to entertain their little brother whilst I nap on the sofa, definitely not (ok, probably not), (possibly not) (maybe)
ReplyYou cant beat a bit jumperooing. I would simply of had a break down without our one not being able to immobilise the little buggers. I tbink to avoid a 'Mixed Kebab Hanging Out Incident' you nees to get yourself some spandex pants and some pegs so you dont mentally scar a lostie for the reat of their life 😉
Oops that should say postie not lostie!!!
You'll do those and a lot more. But the kids will be happy. So who cares?! 🙂 xx
hahahaha You will SOOOOOO be doing every single one! x
I thought it was the law to expose yourself to the postman – usually whilst holding a child who is trying to breastfeed and has slept only 6 hours during darkness in the last 3 days?
Reply🙂 x
"..for a nap. And a twix." Glad that one's not just me 🙂
ReplyOh how exciting – don't put too many expectations on yourself.
ReplyOh bab. By baby number two? You will just be a hot mess. It's fine! The dressing gown parting bit made me proper proper laugh bab x
Wow time has flown! Lists are great , write it all down, stick to none of it, but still – you made a list and that's what counts. DON'T do the hand-mirror thing though. I have done that with each baby and with each baby I think WTF happened??? Bleughh 🙂 x
ReplyNodding along to a fair few of these lol – two a doddle until they move then you really start to think about day time drinking!
Reply