Things are a little bit different,
now that it’s bedtime with two.
Each night’s like herding a tribe of monkeys,
At the world’s shittiest bedtime zoo.
It begins with begging the toddler,
to PLEASE JUST BRUSH HER MOTHER-SHITTING TEETH.
Meaning by bath-time everyone’s started crying,
And you’re already dreaming of your first G&T.
Bath-time counts as successful,
if you don’t drown one and then have to save them.
From now on you don’t wash anyone’s hair anymore,
It’s easier just to bloody shave ’em.
Then the toddler resumes negotiations,
with 75 reasons why she can’t go to bed.
‘I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, I need a jam sandwich and a poo.’
Right now you’d sell a kidney just to lay down your head.
Meanwhile the baby is completely happy,
So long as HE’S NEVER PUT DOWN.
Or rotated, over-elevated, leaned forward, back or round,
Whilst balancing with one [email protected]*king foot on the ground
Yes, things are a bit bastard different;
bedtime with two is quite a palaver…
From now I’ll be letting them pass out when they want,
While I sit down and have a pint of Rioja.
Feeling your pain! Who needs bed and sleep anyway (currently sat outside 9yo’s room waiting for her to go to sleep!)?Reply
That shit’s for the weak right!! *falls over* lol xReply
Ha, bastard ha. Bedtime is when the husband and I just give each other accusing looks, silently blaming each other for this new hell. It is the only time I will admit than no more children is a reasonable idea.
First day back at work today after maternity / slavery leave. This has set me up well – mainly because I know that the husband has to do this dance himself tonight.
I like it when after a horrendous night my husband turns to me and asks if everyone slept through ok… Yeah. I love that. He’s dead now.
Hope your return to work went ok xxReply
Where did you manage to hide the body? I am stuck with one after “the kids have been really easy this week haven’t they?” comment.
Work is a piece of piss compared to my home life (although if my husband is to be believed I am obviously doing something wrong).
Why do they hate brushing their teeth so much?! I suppose it’s more their campaign to “do the opposite of what Mommy asks at all times”.Reply
yes. one big and well organised conspiracy I reckon! xReply
Oh I got you! It wasn’t too bad when I had the three girls all the similar age but throw the baby in and its a nightmare. Fab post!Reply
Ha! Thank you xxxxReply